(no subject)
If I did the right thing last night by leaving such a straight forward message for Katie, why do I feel like such an idiot today? I mean seriously I feel like I have screwed up, now I know that it was important to make sure she understood what was going through my head right now and to make sure she understood the way I was feeling. However I feel like I could have done it in a much better way. I mean honestly I don't believe she is avoiding my calls intentionally, nor do I think that she intentionally didn't call me back. Yet in that message I essentially accused her of exactly that. I don't really expect to hear from her, which today has kind of disappointed me because I actually do want to talk to her but I think after listening to that message I left, I doubt she will pick up the phone and call me or even send me a message. Basically I regret calling her last night and leaving that message, mainly because she is currently the only person who has met my brother and the other two guys I lived with and didn't have a problem with them. She didn't turn around and leave, or make comments about them, like so many other people have and I know others I know would. She is someone I felt completely comfortable talking to, I didn't have to hide the person I am, I was able to just be myself and she seemed to love it. Our conversations seemed to be never ending.
Yet at the same time, while everything was going so well before and during her visit, I find myself wondering what happened? Where did things go wrong? To be honest I have no idea, as far as I could tell everything was going fine and really other than us not talking on the phone in a while, nothing has actually seemed to be wrong. So part of me kind of wonders why the hell I left the message I did last night. At the same time I'm thinking to myself, how is it I am able to screw up just about every good thing which comes into my life? Throw on top of all this everything that is going on with Mark and I would say my life pretty much sucks right now.
Yet at the same time, while everything was going so well before and during her visit, I find myself wondering what happened? Where did things go wrong? To be honest I have no idea, as far as I could tell everything was going fine and really other than us not talking on the phone in a while, nothing has actually seemed to be wrong. So part of me kind of wonders why the hell I left the message I did last night. At the same time I'm thinking to myself, how is it I am able to screw up just about every good thing which comes into my life? Throw on top of all this everything that is going on with Mark and I would say my life pretty much sucks right now.