how tow truck drivers make friends and other strange phenomena
maybe this year started off too good. maybe i needed a little something to drag me down. maybe i got it in the form of a tow truck driver claiming my girlfriends car from my parking lot. maybe the universe just wanted me to know the answer to the age old question, how do tow truck drivers make friends. the answer doesnt come for free but well...now i know. and im going to save you $150 and let you know the answer too. how do tow truck drivers make friends? the answer is....
they dont. they sit in their little half trailer with their wifes/sisters watching the lumberjack olympics and counting fat piles of cash. no joke. i go to this place and the first thing i see is a sign that doesnt say cash only. it says exact cash only. immediately, i think fuck im screwed. im going to lose another $15. but miraculously, the universe doesnt hate me. i had a 5 dollar bill that my friend who gave me the ride to this god forsaken place had refused to take. and i had exact change from my lunch. amazing but off subject. behind the window is a lady whose interactions with people are apparently limited to the truck drivers that come in, the five kids that she has in a trailer behind the muddy lot, and her carny fucking relatives who come to visit when theyre in town. i swear, shes the best customer service rep in the entire city and goddamn if she isnt going to win some award from the city. seriously, im voting for her to get the key. shes all smiles and i guess i know why. when we leave, shes going back to counting all that exact cash and thinking of how many velvet nascar posters and pork rinds she can buy off the fucking television. well hot damn. the sad thing is that im willing to bet that no one has ever or will ever walk up to that window and smile back. ill go even further and say that she has the pleasure of hearing a hell of a lot of snide and maybe even creative comments. anyway, she even makes a joke about how tow truck drivers are like little girls, theyre always crying. i think yeah, if you mean theyre bitches, but thats not fair to little girls. and then, in the back of the room, i notice the pièce de résistance. shining out through the glass of the idiot box comes what appears to be, get this, the fucking lumberjack olympics. seriously, two men competing in a log sawing competition. wow. so thats whats happening to our forests. if god exists, (s)he/it has one hell of a wicked sense of humor.
they dont. they sit in their little half trailer with their wifes/sisters watching the lumberjack olympics and counting fat piles of cash. no joke. i go to this place and the first thing i see is a sign that doesnt say cash only. it says exact cash only. immediately, i think fuck im screwed. im going to lose another $15. but miraculously, the universe doesnt hate me. i had a 5 dollar bill that my friend who gave me the ride to this god forsaken place had refused to take. and i had exact change from my lunch. amazing but off subject. behind the window is a lady whose interactions with people are apparently limited to the truck drivers that come in, the five kids that she has in a trailer behind the muddy lot, and her carny fucking relatives who come to visit when theyre in town. i swear, shes the best customer service rep in the entire city and goddamn if she isnt going to win some award from the city. seriously, im voting for her to get the key. shes all smiles and i guess i know why. when we leave, shes going back to counting all that exact cash and thinking of how many velvet nascar posters and pork rinds she can buy off the fucking television. well hot damn. the sad thing is that im willing to bet that no one has ever or will ever walk up to that window and smile back. ill go even further and say that she has the pleasure of hearing a hell of a lot of snide and maybe even creative comments. anyway, she even makes a joke about how tow truck drivers are like little girls, theyre always crying. i think yeah, if you mean theyre bitches, but thats not fair to little girls. and then, in the back of the room, i notice the pièce de résistance. shining out through the glass of the idiot box comes what appears to be, get this, the fucking lumberjack olympics. seriously, two men competing in a log sawing competition. wow. so thats whats happening to our forests. if god exists, (s)he/it has one hell of a wicked sense of humor.