Thank you
Thank you all so much for your lovely comments to my last post. Something that a couple of you said really makes me think how lucky Calum and I have been through this whole process. We deliberately told our best friends and family as soon as we knew we were pregnant because we didn't want to have to explain to them why we were sad if anything happened, and I'm so glad we did. Everyone that matters to us had invested almost as much in the pregnancy as we had, so they were able to be as sad as we were, and no one said 'oh it was only early days, so now it's time to get on with your lives and move on'. Mummy asked me yesterday if this experience has made me wary of investing as much so soon next time, and I said no, I wouldn't change anything, the 3 months we had day dreaming about Brassica were wonderful, and if they did make it harder to bear her loss, not being excited wouldn't have made any difference to how sad we were, and we'd have missed out on such a wonderful time.
The way the hospital treated our loss, as well, was so compassionate. Every step of the way they knew we were grieving as much for our baby of 14 weeks as any parents who lose a baby. My friend Mel lost a baby at 16 weeks 22 years ago and it was just brushed under the carpet, no support for her grief, just medical speak for the bodily function that hadn't worked properly. Things have come on so far for women and I'm so very grateful. I also feel like, at least in England or in my social circle, people are prepared to talk about their miscarriages in a much more open way than before, which can only be a good thing. People I've talked to who lost babies years and years ago still have the raw emotions of when it first happened because they weren't allowed to grieve properly by society. I know everyone thought it was for the best, like a lot of things 'least said soonest mended', but I'm so glad things have moved on since then. We talked to the vicar in the week before the wedding, to tell him about the baby, and his first response was would we like a little memorial/funeral service to help us come to terms with it and get a little closure before we got married, something I can't imagine happening 20 years ago.
Thank you for listening to me ramble on! And there's some other news to add to the mix - we're moving house! Our house has been on the market on and off for the last 2 years, so when we had an acceptable offer made on it we had to jump at the chance, but originally our buyers wanted us to move out this weekend! A week after the wedding! Then it was next weekend, but now it looks like it'll be the weekend after that (which is a good thing, as we're off to Devon on Sunday for the week, for our mini-moon!) So not only did we get married and lose a baby we'er moving house. Enough stress do you think?!
The way the hospital treated our loss, as well, was so compassionate. Every step of the way they knew we were grieving as much for our baby of 14 weeks as any parents who lose a baby. My friend Mel lost a baby at 16 weeks 22 years ago and it was just brushed under the carpet, no support for her grief, just medical speak for the bodily function that hadn't worked properly. Things have come on so far for women and I'm so very grateful. I also feel like, at least in England or in my social circle, people are prepared to talk about their miscarriages in a much more open way than before, which can only be a good thing. People I've talked to who lost babies years and years ago still have the raw emotions of when it first happened because they weren't allowed to grieve properly by society. I know everyone thought it was for the best, like a lot of things 'least said soonest mended', but I'm so glad things have moved on since then. We talked to the vicar in the week before the wedding, to tell him about the baby, and his first response was would we like a little memorial/funeral service to help us come to terms with it and get a little closure before we got married, something I can't imagine happening 20 years ago.
Thank you for listening to me ramble on! And there's some other news to add to the mix - we're moving house! Our house has been on the market on and off for the last 2 years, so when we had an acceptable offer made on it we had to jump at the chance, but originally our buyers wanted us to move out this weekend! A week after the wedding! Then it was next weekend, but now it looks like it'll be the weekend after that (which is a good thing, as we're off to Devon on Sunday for the week, for our mini-moon!) So not only did we get married and lose a baby we'er moving house. Enough stress do you think?!