open questions, for anyone who still reads this
well, i don't think anyone does read this anymore, but i thought i'd try, cause i'd liek to hear some other people's opinions on some things i've been wondering about, all fairly basic, but hey
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1. Facebook friends: In which two people have neutral/positive feelings for one another (justified or unjustified). Friends: In which two people take the time to pay attention to one another intermittently. No, there are circumstances in which it is impossible for two people to be friends (mainly if one of them doesn't want it. If person A throws everything they can at person B and person B just doesn't care, it's not going to work. Or, I guess, person A could become a totally different person, but that'd require undue amounts of effort. If A & B want to be friends but are ultimately always at odds, that can work too, as long as they pay attention to each other. Butting heads sometimes? AOK! Living together? Not so much. It is necessary to insert a bit of distance between hostile encounters for sanity's sake... unless you get off to that kind of thing.)
2 and 3. Romance: "gooshy feelings," caring about people when you're not obligated to, want of their body and/or something less tangible--sometimes a side consequence of liking their mind and saying "Oh, I sort of like the thing attached to it, too. D'you like me back? Let's do something about it." Rare setting. Reciprocation is necessary. Otherwise you just have attraction, which makes me bite my lip and pull at my hair (and write about it--have you seen the blog I occasionally write for? calqanda.blogspot.com ). Krista says that attraction can grow out of a strong bond. I have no idea. She has dysfunctional relationships. I'm under the impression that in order to get anyone's attention you have to be charming, or beautiful, or appealing, or all three. Some people are blessed with certain innate qualities, such as, y'know, glibness, or stunning hotness. Some sorts of appeal can be learned and reinforced, others require plastic surgery (an option I thought about at one point before realizing I don't have the funds, and people still wouldn't like me because I'm not cute and fuckable).
Style is often indicative of a larger trend (well-keptness, sensitivity to media, conscious reflections and absorptions of trends). It's a good way to biologically select, because it means you're more in-tune with the world. It's often misread, or taken in addition to other, less than stellar qualities that are more important (you may be conscious of what everyone thinks, but you might be a dumbass that's gotten away with it because you're hot). You can do whatever you want for attraction. Attraction is cruel. You'll have more chances for romance, I think, since more people will pay attention to you. And that's half the battle, really (attention-whoring). The rest is deciding whether or not you like other facets of that person. Did I just reinvent the idea of dating? Whoops. It's too late in the evening to be novel and stunning. I have no imagination. I need to read more slash.
4. Language is great. Inflection is better. I notice when I sound dead more than when I say idiotic things and I try and stop myself. Better things come with fewer words, but the right few words (shiver sharp, dream stroke reality, breaking when breathing, the plumb-line that falls through your heart) create a unique sort of intonation which is freaking difficult to get with just feelings/gestures. Personality consists mostly of how you say things when, but I'm a stickler for word-choice also, because I personally listen for what the words mean since they're the EASIEST things to comprehend. I get what my mother says most of the time even though she only grunts half-complete sentences, but I always rag on her for using the wrong words anyway since she gets mad when I misunderstand. Maybe it's a defensive mechanism or maybe I'm autistic to Chinese-English.
Let's talk someday? I want contexts, but I don't know if you still get AIM in sdfkjaslkjf-land.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You Know.
You Know Who?
Yes. AVADA KEDAVRA!
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1. interesting definitions, but this is exactly what i'm trying to get at... is it really all about payign eachother attention? cause then dont' you just need two peope who are willing to pay attention to eachother, for wahtever ulterior reasons or what have you? or does it need to be for the sake of the person themsleves, or for some fundamental quality or connecion between them?
2/3. agreed, attraction is cruel as fuck, and in no way fair, and the ways people pick people to date/romance never seem to have any legitimate basis, as you pointed out, but i suppose this is why internet dating was born, no?
4. hm... so if we take your mother for example, since you brought her up, or anyone who speaks multiple languages but is less fluent in one than the other, would you say she has a different personality in one language than the other, since word choice is more restrained in one, or does that not ultimately matter?
we should talk indeeeeeed. now that i (finally) have internet in my appartment i do in fact have aim, sooo we should find eachother one o these days and catchhh up
=)
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However, I can't deny the importance of wanting to spend time with one another. I know people who are just really friendly at parties that always talk to everyone animatedly, and in that short time, I think they're my friends, but afterwards it's kind of meh. This is a really poor metric, but if they decide to friend me on facebook at some later date then I know at least they like me enough to look up my name, so I'd call them friends.
Internet dating is sleazzzzzzy, and I refuse to look for boys on the internet.
This next part is only tangentially relevant to your idea. The whole language informs your thought thing is totally up for debate, in the psychology world. In my class they concluded that although language changes certain syntactic methods, we essentially all have the same primordial ideas lodged in us. I'd agree with that much, but I definitely think that there's a difference between people depending on the language they speak. Maybe because language is so intimately tied up with culture. To answer your question, yes. She does have a different personality in each language. But it's not because of her word choice, I think, since she's fluent enough in all of the languages she speaks. Rather, because Cantonese people speak in a certain way that's aggressive and haggley whereas it's unacceptable for American women to be that way without coming off as bitchy. Also, in Chinese in general there's lots of implied meaning which isn't true of American English.
When there's a breakdown in language, there is a difference in communication. And it would be logical that one relies more on intent than words, but it's difficult to express that intent, because cross-cultural boundaries are also prevalent. This must be really obvious, but it's harder to understand someone when you don't have words; but even if you speak the language there are still trials and tribulations. It's just really hard for people to communicate with each other, and any tools available make it easier (and language is like the screwdriver or the hammer in your toolbox. I think intent is like the wrench).
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