A list of things..
Thursdaayy I went to R.D.'s house. It was nice. we lied in the sun all day we had two cocktails and four beers. And once AGAIN I went to English course "under influence". It was nice to hang out with R.D. again, I mean, we've been through a lot and I finally had the feeling that I got my friend back. We talked about a lot of things, about A.W. and sex mostly. It's kind of weird to write about it, but okay.. I mean, is it still such a taboo? R.D. lost his virginity at the age of 14. I find it sooo young and stupid. I mean, I'm 16 and I still think I'm too young, even though I start feeling in my body that I might be ready for it.. I've been thinking about it for a while, and I figured that I might want to sleep with my next boyfriend, well, only if I feel good about it and I'm really sure. And even though the chance is little that A.W. and I are going to date soon or even at all, the thought A.W. being my first sort of feels right, or okay. I mean he's almost 18 and he's never been kissed so definitely never had sex before. And I know he's trustworthy and loyal. And I'm thinking.. even if we would date and we would have sex and we would break up, that then I still wouldn't regret it. But of course, I think that I'll only know/realize when it's coming closer. So.. umh, it doesn't have to be A.W., I just think maybe the next boyfriend, you know. If it feels right, but I won't let any guy pressure me.
& So R.D. said that I should tell A.W. about how I feel about him, but I don't dare. I can't. It feels like I have too much to lose, I don't want to lose A.W. just because of my silly feelings.Things would get totally awkward. R.D. also said that he acts differently around me than other girls and that things won't get awkward between us. I don't know.
& So I went to English course and Laurent, lovely guy, noticed that my cheeks were red. He immediately said: "I can see you've been lying in the sun all day." Haha, yeah.. He's a really nice guy. I waited with him for his bus. We talked about a lot of things. Mostly about him, he can't find work and stuff even though he has studied five years at the university with success. And then yeah, I won't see him for two weeks now because of the holidays!
At night I could feel the beer. I swore that I wasn't going to drink anymore the next days, but that didn't work out well.
Friday after school we went to Brussels Park and we had bought beer and yes I couldn't resist and drank with the others. I was there with Gabs, Small A, A.W., R.D., Aud, and a few other friends. These are kind of the people I hang out with (except for Aud and plus Zoeey, Nouk and co). A.W. came sitting close to me. I had the chance to ask him about the text message.
I asked: "Did you get my text?"
He said: "What text?"
I: "The one about the fact that I stopped smoking for you.. "
He: "Oh that one.."
I: "Oh that one?? I was putting myself out there and you didn't even answer.. "
He smiling with this look: "You know I never text back.. "
I: "You could.. after this."
He: "Ooohh, come here, thank you.." He hugged me.
I: "Yeah, and see.. you got mad at me."
He: "I was disappointed." GOD FINALLY, he finally said that it was because I disappointed him.
& When he had to leave I asked him if we were going to see each other during the break.. He said that he was going to send me a message.. and that he's maybe coming to the camping trip, I hope so.
& Now is the part that you're probably going to hate me.. One of the girls, Ziber, had a joint, and I had drunk over a liter of beer and I couldn't help myself. I smoked weed along with them. I made everybody swear that they weren't going to tell either A.W. or my sister. I can't believe that I smoked weed again, after so long. Then I had a problem, I was in no position to go home, so Ziber let me crash at her place until the alcohol and the weed kind of reduced. Everything was okay at first but I felt a bit nauseous when we were at her place. Kind of hungover. I mean, I had been drinking 4 days a row. I think I had drunk over 6 liters that week. I really promised myself to not drink any more alcohol. Luckily when I got home, nobody noticed.
So easter holidays started. First week I have almost nothing planned, except for the opera. I'm going tomorrow, to an opera called "Hanjo". It's a Japanese one. Two friends of my sister are going to sleepover after.
Saturday I went to a book store with Nouk. I had fun, she's a nice person and I just know that we are never going to split, at least not because of a stupid fight or any fight.
& Zoeey I find it harder and harder to "connect" with her. It's like she's pushing people away from her, and I don't know. I really try to talk to her and stuff, but she's just. Well.. sometimes she really feels like a normal teenager in her horrible years. She's going to through a lot, but I don't think that she has to act like that around people. I'm maybe going to give her a call tomorrow or so, to see if we're okay because I feel her slipping away from me.
Then upcoming Sunday I'm going on camping trip until Tuesday. At first I was going with Zoeey, Nouk, Lala and Rox. But Zoeey and Nouk can't come so it's going to be just the three of us. My sister is going too with her boyfriend, T.B., Small A and R.D. & A.W. is maybe coming.
& Then from Wednesday to Friday I have this training for sports teachers, well they teach you what games you can play with kids if you're a monitor. I think it will be nice.
& In May I'm going to Amsterdam with school and right after I'm going to an event called "Culinaria²" Click on the link: http://www.culinariasquare.com/ It's an event with great cooks with stars of Michelin. My sister and I are going and I can't wait!
& End of June I'm going to Couleur Café! I convinced my mother to let me go three days. I already bought my ticket and it's just going to be great! http://www.couleurcafe.be/nl/couleur_caf&_233;/home-270.html
Some news about my cousin. There will be a family party again in May. I'm going to meet him again. At least if he's coming, maybe he's going to find another stupid excuse like work work and work.I am so NOT looking forward to it, but I'm kind of obliged to go.
& So R.D. said that I should tell A.W. about how I feel about him, but I don't dare. I can't. It feels like I have too much to lose, I don't want to lose A.W. just because of my silly feelings.Things would get totally awkward. R.D. also said that he acts differently around me than other girls and that things won't get awkward between us. I don't know.
& So I went to English course and Laurent, lovely guy, noticed that my cheeks were red. He immediately said: "I can see you've been lying in the sun all day." Haha, yeah.. He's a really nice guy. I waited with him for his bus. We talked about a lot of things. Mostly about him, he can't find work and stuff even though he has studied five years at the university with success. And then yeah, I won't see him for two weeks now because of the holidays!
At night I could feel the beer. I swore that I wasn't going to drink anymore the next days, but that didn't work out well.
Friday after school we went to Brussels Park and we had bought beer and yes I couldn't resist and drank with the others. I was there with Gabs, Small A, A.W., R.D., Aud, and a few other friends. These are kind of the people I hang out with (except for Aud and plus Zoeey, Nouk and co). A.W. came sitting close to me. I had the chance to ask him about the text message.
I asked: "Did you get my text?"
He said: "What text?"
I: "The one about the fact that I stopped smoking for you.. "
He: "Oh that one.."
I: "Oh that one?? I was putting myself out there and you didn't even answer.. "
He smiling with this look: "You know I never text back.. "
I: "You could.. after this."
He: "Ooohh, come here, thank you.." He hugged me.
I: "Yeah, and see.. you got mad at me."
He: "I was disappointed." GOD FINALLY, he finally said that it was because I disappointed him.
& When he had to leave I asked him if we were going to see each other during the break.. He said that he was going to send me a message.. and that he's maybe coming to the camping trip, I hope so.
& Now is the part that you're probably going to hate me.. One of the girls, Ziber, had a joint, and I had drunk over a liter of beer and I couldn't help myself. I smoked weed along with them. I made everybody swear that they weren't going to tell either A.W. or my sister. I can't believe that I smoked weed again, after so long. Then I had a problem, I was in no position to go home, so Ziber let me crash at her place until the alcohol and the weed kind of reduced. Everything was okay at first but I felt a bit nauseous when we were at her place. Kind of hungover. I mean, I had been drinking 4 days a row. I think I had drunk over 6 liters that week. I really promised myself to not drink any more alcohol. Luckily when I got home, nobody noticed.
So easter holidays started. First week I have almost nothing planned, except for the opera. I'm going tomorrow, to an opera called "Hanjo". It's a Japanese one. Two friends of my sister are going to sleepover after.
Saturday I went to a book store with Nouk. I had fun, she's a nice person and I just know that we are never going to split, at least not because of a stupid fight or any fight.
& Zoeey I find it harder and harder to "connect" with her. It's like she's pushing people away from her, and I don't know. I really try to talk to her and stuff, but she's just. Well.. sometimes she really feels like a normal teenager in her horrible years. She's going to through a lot, but I don't think that she has to act like that around people. I'm maybe going to give her a call tomorrow or so, to see if we're okay because I feel her slipping away from me.
Then upcoming Sunday I'm going on camping trip until Tuesday. At first I was going with Zoeey, Nouk, Lala and Rox. But Zoeey and Nouk can't come so it's going to be just the three of us. My sister is going too with her boyfriend, T.B., Small A and R.D. & A.W. is maybe coming.
& Then from Wednesday to Friday I have this training for sports teachers, well they teach you what games you can play with kids if you're a monitor. I think it will be nice.
& In May I'm going to Amsterdam with school and right after I'm going to an event called "Culinaria²" Click on the link: http://www.culinariasquare.com/ It's an event with great cooks with stars of Michelin. My sister and I are going and I can't wait!
& End of June I'm going to Couleur Café! I convinced my mother to let me go three days. I already bought my ticket and it's just going to be great! http://www.couleurcafe.be/nl/couleur_caf&_233;/home-270.html
Some news about my cousin. There will be a family party again in May. I'm going to meet him again. At least if he's coming, maybe he's going to find another stupid excuse like work work and work.I am so NOT looking forward to it, but I'm kind of obliged to go.