This is so..
So, I had my exam and after it I saw S. . I was going to buy his ticket. I confronted him with his plan to have me to get his ticket. He smiled and laughed. He admitted it (I didn't expect that, but I appreciate honesty). So I decided to get it for him. He first had to go to the bank to take some money. Then he accompanied me back to school. I found my sister, she said that she was going to stay a bit (probably to talk to T.B.) and then she would join me afterwards. So I followed S. , he had to get a sandwich for his father, who was going to pick him up. We went to a sandwich shop, also some sort of brasserie. He wanted to have a drink and he asked me if I wanted to have something. Oh, my God. I was shy. I don't like people paying for me. I didn't have cash only my card so I checked if I could pay with my card. The bartender said yes. And we were waiting and talking.
He's still not over that girl, who rejected him. He just won't think about other girls. It's just her and I feel like I don't have a chance and I'm just being me, only the super side of me though, the nice side. I'm really making an effort. He's father got earlier than he thought. We had to hurry. Finally he paid my cappuccino, but we couldn't drink it together because he had to leave and so I left too. It didn't bother me that he paid for me. He is not poor.. he's actually rich and it doesn't mean that much to him. He doesn't care about a few euros more or less. But I am thankful.
Then I went to the store to get his ticket and damn.. the tickets were sold out. Every single ticket for Saturday was sold out. That means he can't go. I called him to tell him. Then he asked to still do something then. It didn't have to be Couleur Café but like going to the movies, with everyone, of course. But no one can go Saturday as Couleur starts at 3PM. I told him he could go to the barbecue but then he has to dive or something or play hockey. Then he said tomorrow we could do something. I suggested going to his house. He said that it was okay. He was going to ask his parents. So I thought that it would be fun tomorrow. I was excited, you know. I was going to do something with my old friends, but I thought it was a shame he couldn't go to Couleur so I could make time to spend it with him.
But then later this evening he said he couldn't. R.D. and my sister warned me. Yet again, I feel so foolish. Now I've had it. I'm going to stay with my old friends. It's a good chance to fit in again, as I'm still on the border (all because of my cousin who made me so judgmental). But it's going to be alright.
So my sister talked to her boyfriend today. It must've been awkward. It's her first boyfriend, you know, and she really loves him. I don't know what they've told each other, but they are cool again. It's good. So I thought until I had lunch with my sister. We ate at a restaurant, actually where my father works.
We talked.. and she told me something about T.B.
In April there was this party/spree from school. My sister didn't dare asking my parents to go so she didn't go (it turned out she could've went because my father would allow it, it upset her). T.B. went and there was this girl called 'Aud' (that's not her real name, an abbreviation). She's friendly and generous but people sometimes change at parties, especially when they've drunk a lot. Aud was just so wasted. T.B. too, but less then Aud. She needed so much attention and she just took T.B.'s hands and put it on her breasts. He sort of left his hands on there until he really realized that would be wrong (no kidding..). After three days he told my sister about that. My sister was sooooo hurt. I wasn't there, but she was almost crying when she told me that. I was at my cousin's that period, I didn't know anything about it.
I can't believe they are still together. I would break up with my partner.. but considering it, I'm not sure, but I'd make him pay harder for it, because here, T.B. just apologized, they talked and it was okay. I mean, come on? My sister didn't even confront Aud. It's disgusting from T.B. If it were me, I wouldn't be that hurt, because I don't know if I can really love someone right now, forget about being 6 months with someone, so I'll never feel how she felt/feels. But I know it would've hurt her so much, she really loves him you know? Next week they're 1 year together. Their jubilee.
I'm disgusted by the thought of it. I know it's hypocrite, because I've been in Aud's shoes once, pretty much the same situation. It's happened so quickly. I'm really not proud but.. I can't pretend like I'm an angel in front of you, reading my journal. So I don't know. I'm not really neutral. I mean that I probably don't have the right to judge Aud or T.B. but I learn from my mistakes and hopefully, one day I will be 'allowed' to judge this situation. & I'm cool with it. I let it go. It's my sister's problem and if she says it's okay, I believe her, but I'm not saying I agree.
There was one thing that disturbed me the most. My sister has always judged me for what I did more than a year ago. I was in Aud's shoes. I 'helped' a guy cheat on his girlfriend. I let my sister judge me because I knew that I was wrong. But even after what T.B. has done to her, she was still confronting me with it all the time. So hypocrite of her, you know. I mean, she could let go of it for her boyfriend, but to me she still has to be so hating. That was so unfair. I told her. I hope she understands now, because I'm really angry with her because of that. She just continued annoying me with that.
I ran into my Latin teacher (I swore I'd never talk to him again?). He congratulated me. He said I have the highest grades for Latin from our year (18 pupils, not that much but still!). He wouldn't congratulate me if I had only 70% so it's definitely higher!
& I feel things are getting better at home. My parents are proud of me. :)