(no subject)
i should blog more.
and i do feel like blogging, but somehow i just lose the moment(s).
it's been about a week since i got back. needless to say, i've been feeling down. depressed even. very low morale. all the what am i doing/gonna do with my life questions are back again. it especially sucks when you know there's somewhere where you would rather be. but how? just waiting for the cyclical depressive phase to be over and get on with life here.
didnt do much over there, just nuaing and chilling out a lot. and walking around. had a lot of time to myself, and for myself to rest. but it did feel a bit lonely at times, though it wasnt anything i couldnt manage. all the same, was pretty glad to have some company in the form of ian aka bambi eyes. most entertaining and ridiculous, that guy. he's great.
i havent felt this way in a very long while. it's a bit too intense, even for me. i wonder if he's feeling suffocated. he doesnt say much along those lines. and it still scares me to know that there is nothing planned in sight. despite having been in a very long long distance relationship, this long d is scary. that one at least had some sort of goal in sight, even if it did not work out like we thought it would. this one... there is almost nothing. granted, it's more complicated, and we're both afraid to take the first plunge. but... somehow i know i would be able to sleep better at night knowing where all these might lead to one fine day. oh well.
i found the ex's blog. or rather, i saw it displayed in his msn nick. incidentally, we spoke civil-ly, even friendly-ly, over msn the night before i left. got quite emotional then. good thing i had june with me in my office to somewhat calm me down, and tien on the line to talk to me. i'm a strange emotional girl. and i cant explain my feelings. lol. so typically, i scanned through his blog and got quite ishky emotional again. his first entry was, predictably, an angry post against me. some months down, there was an entry semi dedicated to me, complete with my photo and all. it's that entry that got me iffy i suppose. ouf. he's moved on rather nicely, i thought. i'm glad for him.
i've moved on too, but i think subconsciously i probably do compare my current relationship with the previous one, as he pointed out to me. i didnt respond to his semi accusation, probably because i recognised that it's true. but i dont think i have a oh this one is better than the other thing. i just point out the difference. i think. he allowed for the fact that i was in the previous one for a very long time and all, but i know he's not happy about it. i mean, who would be? but it's not as if he's playing second fiddle to my ex, coz he isnt. well.
on the job front, i'm counting down to the day my contract ends. no more oh i think if they offer to extend i will stay thing, at least for now. terrible eh? perhaps it's all in the ishky mood i've been in since i came home. we'll see about that.
hmm. one very happy entry to mark my return home and to lj eh?
and i do feel like blogging, but somehow i just lose the moment(s).
it's been about a week since i got back. needless to say, i've been feeling down. depressed even. very low morale. all the what am i doing/gonna do with my life questions are back again. it especially sucks when you know there's somewhere where you would rather be. but how? just waiting for the cyclical depressive phase to be over and get on with life here.
didnt do much over there, just nuaing and chilling out a lot. and walking around. had a lot of time to myself, and for myself to rest. but it did feel a bit lonely at times, though it wasnt anything i couldnt manage. all the same, was pretty glad to have some company in the form of ian aka bambi eyes. most entertaining and ridiculous, that guy. he's great.
i havent felt this way in a very long while. it's a bit too intense, even for me. i wonder if he's feeling suffocated. he doesnt say much along those lines. and it still scares me to know that there is nothing planned in sight. despite having been in a very long long distance relationship, this long d is scary. that one at least had some sort of goal in sight, even if it did not work out like we thought it would. this one... there is almost nothing. granted, it's more complicated, and we're both afraid to take the first plunge. but... somehow i know i would be able to sleep better at night knowing where all these might lead to one fine day. oh well.
i found the ex's blog. or rather, i saw it displayed in his msn nick. incidentally, we spoke civil-ly, even friendly-ly, over msn the night before i left. got quite emotional then. good thing i had june with me in my office to somewhat calm me down, and tien on the line to talk to me. i'm a strange emotional girl. and i cant explain my feelings. lol. so typically, i scanned through his blog and got quite ishky emotional again. his first entry was, predictably, an angry post against me. some months down, there was an entry semi dedicated to me, complete with my photo and all. it's that entry that got me iffy i suppose. ouf. he's moved on rather nicely, i thought. i'm glad for him.
i've moved on too, but i think subconsciously i probably do compare my current relationship with the previous one, as he pointed out to me. i didnt respond to his semi accusation, probably because i recognised that it's true. but i dont think i have a oh this one is better than the other thing. i just point out the difference. i think. he allowed for the fact that i was in the previous one for a very long time and all, but i know he's not happy about it. i mean, who would be? but it's not as if he's playing second fiddle to my ex, coz he isnt. well.
on the job front, i'm counting down to the day my contract ends. no more oh i think if they offer to extend i will stay thing, at least for now. terrible eh? perhaps it's all in the ishky mood i've been in since i came home. we'll see about that.
hmm. one very happy entry to mark my return home and to lj eh?