when the past is still happening and im moving on...
not knowing what
ive got a three day shutter
slowly developing now
ill catch up with your yesterday
she called to fix things
and we did our best
school glue and paperclips
i guess thats all we had to work with
old love with not enough history
high school queers
with ten years of extra baggage
i can hardly remember what it was like
to have her to myself
either way, we did our best
and now im writing stories
she said she would "call for coffee"
she "wants me back in her life"
shes "in town for a few weeks"
but my phone is unmercifully silent
and now i know she hasnt told him
that we are back in contact
and that the reason our phone tag took three days
was so she could steal off in secret
get some time to herself
to herself
what little space she has left for herself
my heart held captive
ten years of extra baggage
and i can hardly remember
i asked her what happened, after i left arizona
suddenly. her boyfriend having found us curled up in bed
5am on a sunday morning. after the tears and the divided worlds
me out on the porch saying goodbye
and him in the bedroom screaming
about an unrelated transgression
he says nothing to her about the way she let me hold her
i asked her what happened after i drove away
pressing a prayer into her palm and half cursing
and she said... "we never talked about it
just took space for awhile..."
and im thinking about the layers of denial
and feeling sick and sad
and wondering why she ever though she would be able to call
and doubting that she will
two friends, over coffee
and its a crime if you were lovers
or its a crime if you are still in love
and i am not in love
just doing my best to fix things
ive got a three day shutter
and ill realize any minute now
that she cant call
because she cant let me go
and then ill frame this one out
all by myself
ive got a three day shutter
slowly developing now
ill catch up with your yesterday
she called to fix things
and we did our best
school glue and paperclips
i guess thats all we had to work with
old love with not enough history
high school queers
with ten years of extra baggage
i can hardly remember what it was like
to have her to myself
either way, we did our best
and now im writing stories
she said she would "call for coffee"
she "wants me back in her life"
shes "in town for a few weeks"
but my phone is unmercifully silent
and now i know she hasnt told him
that we are back in contact
and that the reason our phone tag took three days
was so she could steal off in secret
get some time to herself
to herself
what little space she has left for herself
my heart held captive
ten years of extra baggage
and i can hardly remember
i asked her what happened, after i left arizona
suddenly. her boyfriend having found us curled up in bed
5am on a sunday morning. after the tears and the divided worlds
me out on the porch saying goodbye
and him in the bedroom screaming
about an unrelated transgression
he says nothing to her about the way she let me hold her
i asked her what happened after i drove away
pressing a prayer into her palm and half cursing
and she said... "we never talked about it
just took space for awhile..."
and im thinking about the layers of denial
and feeling sick and sad
and wondering why she ever though she would be able to call
and doubting that she will
two friends, over coffee
and its a crime if you were lovers
or its a crime if you are still in love
and i am not in love
just doing my best to fix things
ive got a three day shutter
and ill realize any minute now
that she cant call
because she cant let me go
and then ill frame this one out
all by myself