[update] just randomly dropping in to bother your friendslist / noey is hyper okay;
It's been awhile since I shared a poem and this one caught my eye today so I wanted to share it with all of you--
Radiance
Alex Dimitrov
I keep a note
a friend left in a book of photos:
lavender light over the snow flats -
and I wonder if he used it in a poem,
or if seeing, if the pleasure, was enough?
Now that you and I aren’t lovers,
I notice how the light at times
will race up your obedient body,
and reveal the flame I looked for -
the life I said I saw,
and hoped would be enough.
I'm at work as I type this. I haven't seen to the post for this week's TGIF Fridays for my site, Would You Like Tea?. But I will once I get home. It's hard to get a hold of YouTube vids, especially when the site itself is blocked by the office firewall.
I had dinner with Ace at Greenwich tonight. We had pasta (I wasn't sure if the chicken a la king was gonna be worth it) and awesome conversation. Outside of Achi, who I see rarely now that I'm on my new shift, dinner and good conversation is a rarity for me.
Now who is Ace? She's a gym-buddy of mine. We met last Tuesday at the gym. Apparently, she wasn't sure if I was the type to strike up random conversation with people that I haven't been introduced to, so she liked it that we did talk while I was fixing my stuff post-shower.
It's been awhile since I chatted up someone with that kind of ease. I haven't done it in months, possibly a whole year. I know that that's probably not true, but it's the first time I've done it completely out of the blue. I hadn't realized it was something I could still do.
And it led me to realize... Achi's right. I am better. Today I woke up feeling not wary of the sunshine (or the rain, since it's been raining as of late). That I had to be careful.
And so... yes. I'm looking forward to next week. I've resolved to get my butt back into gear because I love the extra kick I get when I come upstairs freshly-showered with my muscles revved up from the workout. I'm happy to welcome the routine in any case: gym every Tuesday to Friday before my shift. Sounds like a plan.
I already posted this on Twitter this morning, but Bhex dreamlessness told me something that made me shamelessly preen: I hate your new schedule. ;-; It gives me so little Noey-time.
I caught myself grinning a bit more when Kimmy simply_kim commented on the FB cross-post after clicking on the 'Like' underneath.
I know. It's silly. A lot of you probably won't understand why this is significant enough to warrant a place of its own in this post. So let's put it this way instead: I love these guys. I love B. I love Kimmy. I love every single one of the peeps on Plurk. I honestly, truthfully and am very, incredibly grateful to have them in my life. They will say no, that they had nothing to do with it, but they are part of the reason that I got out of bed months ago, and why I am here and I feel free and I am revelling in this rush of happy.
So yeah. I just wanted to say... guys? I love you. I really do. Thank you for being in my life. The rest of the world needs to know that too.
I'm terrified, by the by. I haven't had a moment or the courage to talk about this until now, and that's mostly because I didn't want to discuss it so flippantly, which I probably would have before today. But I need to put it down and put it out there before I burst. I want to share it because when something matters, I always shared it. And this is important to share with all of you.
There is this organization called 7101 Music Nation. They're fairly new. They're local. They also happen to be a collective of musicians and composers who've made their mark on the local music scene.
Now, they have a project. It's called Elements: The First National Songwriting Camp. It will be held in Dumaguete City this November and information can be found on this site.
I found out about this because Fidelis, one of the friends I met late last year, brought it to my attention. She knows that my music is essentially my life. Well, not the whole of it, but a significant chunk. Those of you who are awesome and who've generously taken time to come and watch my gigs and nervous little me learning the ropes of gigging, know this. Those of you who've known my music for years know this too.
But anyway: A few days after the music camp was announced, I submitted my application. I am being honest when I say that I have never wanted anything so much. I do. I want this. And since auditions for the Luzon applicants will be held from September 13 to 18, I am sitting on tenterhooks and praying that I get called. The Visayas shortlist will be doing their live auditions in Siliman next week (Sept. 8). Mindanao will have their live auditions a day after in Cagayan de Oro.
I want to be on that shortlist, gdit.
Do you see these modules? They are brilliant. And I totally, completely and yes, desperately want to be part of the 60 campers who will be listening to the resource speakers. 60 campers. 20 per Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao.
There are those of you who have told me to calm down. Who've showered me with encouraging words that I really want to deserve. But yeah. Me and a number of others across Luzon are vying for a slot in that 20.
My shift manager told me: Focus on it. Its yours. It will be. I'm sure of it. Bhex and Kate told me that they are sure that I will make it. Gossling has been cheering me on via IM. My mom... well. My mom's my number #1 fan and she told me that it's not just a mother's bias.
I honestly don't know how I can warrant such faith in people. All I know is that I really hope you guys have it right.
Okay. No crying. It's ridiculous really.
But... yeah. I'm asking for all the good vibes you guys can spare.
I'm reaching for that dream. I can almost feel it on my fingertips. I want it in the center of my palm. In my hands. I want it... I want this year to be mine.
I've been writing again. Nothing particularly special, just the odd fanfic and then some. I set aside my original projects for the moment because I know that overthinking never does my work any good and I have been overthinking my original projects a lot.
So I'm setting those aside for stuff that makes me excited. Stuff like The Girls' Team (Em emothy, Cyn vacivity, Rikapi redmoonmurder, Marie priyarthi - I sent you PMs. Pls to be replying, ILU gaiz btw) and Rikkai!High.
But I think what I love the most is that I can talk about writing with people again. It's taken awhile for me to stop freezing up about broaching the topic of writing, and I have Kate and Goss _vyndasia_ and Em and the other Noelle xandrei to thank for that. I'm not sure if the writing block is completely done away with, but I am thankful for the rush of excitement that comes with planning and plotting and just attempting even the smallest of writing exercises. It's fanfic, yes, but it's still writing. That I can put words on virtual or actual paper again is a blessing; a triumph.
It's like finding my voice again (which I know you guys might be sick of hearing because I know I've mentioned this again and again these last few months) and it's great. It's brilliant. I love it and I am riding on the high of it. I don't want it to ever go away again. And this warrants a post over and over again on this journal because sometimes I wake up and I forget and I go weeks and months without doing anything about it.
But now... now I know that even if I stall or have to stop for a little while, I know it's just because I probably need a break to think it through. And taking time to think ideas through is not a waste of time any more. Not the way I was afraid it used to be. It isn't because I have no idea whose hands replaced the ones that are my own. My hands are my hands. My thoughts are too. It's liberating to say it and know that it's true.
(I know that last part didn't make sense. Bear with me a little.)
I should not be this hyper. This, I think, is what I get for taking chocolate cake (with fudge every so layer) for post-dinner dessert and then iced coffee right after. I have no idea if Wes thelostmaximoff is lolling his head on the other side of the chatscreen but if he is, I don't blame him. (And apparently, yes, he is.) I feel like I have a Caty running around in my head -- and if you don't get the reference, it's okay. Just substitute Caty with Honey-sempai and we'll go from there.
Speaking of Wes. I owe this guy a BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I hope you had an awesome one cos you're an awesome friend and I clearly don't tell you that enough.
Also: Your fic? I am finishing it. I am hoping to deliver it before the week is through.
I've been avoiding the comms on my flist and my Tumblr feed because of Mockingjay. I know that people are entitled to their take on the story, but I've had the misfortune to constantly come across people who are expressing extreme disappointment in the book and it all comes down to a disappointment over the ending. Some have said it has no heart, unlike the two previous books. As you can tell by the way I have brought this up, I strongly disagree.
So. For the sake of defending why I love Mockingjay to bits and why I think it couldn't have ended any other way, I come bearing links:
'My long-winded thoughts on reading Mockingjay' by author Malinda Lo. I think she puts her points succinctly. And I couldn't (seriously, I can't) have put it better.
Second link: Did any of you wonder about Johanna and Annie post-Mockingjay? READ THIS. :) I already recced this via Twitter. But I know not all of you are connected via that damn bluebird, so here you go.
On the subject of reading material... my brother _thenothing_ has been downloaded Thor-related comics. There is the lead-up to Marvel's The Siege and then there is the first set of comics for Ages of Thunder. And yeah, we even read through Tales of Asgard. Now while the last one is a bit... 90210-ish for me, I like it, even a little. The first two though are awesome and amazing and they are almost enough to make up for the drop in expectations that I've been experiencing given what I've been hearing regarding the up-and-coming Marvel movies.
Call me horrible, but I still want Chris Evans to somehow not end up as Cap. There are people who are swooning at the idea of him as Steve Rogers and all I can say is: YUCK. NO. GO AWAY.
I am entitled. I have been a fan since I was FIVE.
(Which some might say is not enough justification but aw hell, dhut up. I've been a fan of Cap for TWENTY YEARS. That HAS to count for something.)
*pouts*
Do you know that feeling when you feel right in your own skin? No? How about when you don't? Okay. If you have, okay. Think about how awesome it would be to wake up and not feel like that. Okay. Just picture that. That is what I feel. That everything is right. That I am alright.
I actually feel like I'm telling the truth this time. :) It's awesome.
Now I'm going to end this entry here. Because I'm hyper and I'm running off at the mouth. Ha ha.
Much love.
--N.
P.S. I want to give my camera something to work with. Comment with something you'd like to see, something from here, from my life. I want my next post to be a photo-essay of sorts.
Radiance
Alex Dimitrov
I keep a note
a friend left in a book of photos:
lavender light over the snow flats -
and I wonder if he used it in a poem,
or if seeing, if the pleasure, was enough?
Now that you and I aren’t lovers,
I notice how the light at times
will race up your obedient body,
and reveal the flame I looked for -
the life I said I saw,
and hoped would be enough.
I'm at work as I type this. I haven't seen to the post for this week's TGIF Fridays for my site, Would You Like Tea?. But I will once I get home. It's hard to get a hold of YouTube vids, especially when the site itself is blocked by the office firewall.
I had dinner with Ace at Greenwich tonight. We had pasta (I wasn't sure if the chicken a la king was gonna be worth it) and awesome conversation. Outside of Achi, who I see rarely now that I'm on my new shift, dinner and good conversation is a rarity for me.
Now who is Ace? She's a gym-buddy of mine. We met last Tuesday at the gym. Apparently, she wasn't sure if I was the type to strike up random conversation with people that I haven't been introduced to, so she liked it that we did talk while I was fixing my stuff post-shower.
It's been awhile since I chatted up someone with that kind of ease. I haven't done it in months, possibly a whole year. I know that that's probably not true, but it's the first time I've done it completely out of the blue. I hadn't realized it was something I could still do.
And it led me to realize... Achi's right. I am better. Today I woke up feeling not wary of the sunshine (or the rain, since it's been raining as of late). That I had to be careful.
And so... yes. I'm looking forward to next week. I've resolved to get my butt back into gear because I love the extra kick I get when I come upstairs freshly-showered with my muscles revved up from the workout. I'm happy to welcome the routine in any case: gym every Tuesday to Friday before my shift. Sounds like a plan.
I already posted this on Twitter this morning, but Bhex dreamlessness told me something that made me shamelessly preen: I hate your new schedule. ;-; It gives me so little Noey-time.
I caught myself grinning a bit more when Kimmy simply_kim commented on the FB cross-post after clicking on the 'Like' underneath.
I know. It's silly. A lot of you probably won't understand why this is significant enough to warrant a place of its own in this post. So let's put it this way instead: I love these guys. I love B. I love Kimmy. I love every single one of the peeps on Plurk. I honestly, truthfully and am very, incredibly grateful to have them in my life. They will say no, that they had nothing to do with it, but they are part of the reason that I got out of bed months ago, and why I am here and I feel free and I am revelling in this rush of happy.
So yeah. I just wanted to say... guys? I love you. I really do. Thank you for being in my life. The rest of the world needs to know that too.
I'm terrified, by the by. I haven't had a moment or the courage to talk about this until now, and that's mostly because I didn't want to discuss it so flippantly, which I probably would have before today. But I need to put it down and put it out there before I burst. I want to share it because when something matters, I always shared it. And this is important to share with all of you.
There is this organization called 7101 Music Nation. They're fairly new. They're local. They also happen to be a collective of musicians and composers who've made their mark on the local music scene.
Now, they have a project. It's called Elements: The First National Songwriting Camp. It will be held in Dumaguete City this November and information can be found on this site.
I found out about this because Fidelis, one of the friends I met late last year, brought it to my attention. She knows that my music is essentially my life. Well, not the whole of it, but a significant chunk. Those of you who are awesome and who've generously taken time to come and watch my gigs and nervous little me learning the ropes of gigging, know this. Those of you who've known my music for years know this too.
But anyway: A few days after the music camp was announced, I submitted my application. I am being honest when I say that I have never wanted anything so much. I do. I want this. And since auditions for the Luzon applicants will be held from September 13 to 18, I am sitting on tenterhooks and praying that I get called. The Visayas shortlist will be doing their live auditions in Siliman next week (Sept. 8). Mindanao will have their live auditions a day after in Cagayan de Oro.
I want to be on that shortlist, gdit.
Do you see these modules? They are brilliant. And I totally, completely and yes, desperately want to be part of the 60 campers who will be listening to the resource speakers. 60 campers. 20 per Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao.
There are those of you who have told me to calm down. Who've showered me with encouraging words that I really want to deserve. But yeah. Me and a number of others across Luzon are vying for a slot in that 20.
My shift manager told me: Focus on it. Its yours. It will be. I'm sure of it. Bhex and Kate told me that they are sure that I will make it. Gossling has been cheering me on via IM. My mom... well. My mom's my number #1 fan and she told me that it's not just a mother's bias.
I honestly don't know how I can warrant such faith in people. All I know is that I really hope you guys have it right.
Okay. No crying. It's ridiculous really.
But... yeah. I'm asking for all the good vibes you guys can spare.
I'm reaching for that dream. I can almost feel it on my fingertips. I want it in the center of my palm. In my hands. I want it... I want this year to be mine.
I've been writing again. Nothing particularly special, just the odd fanfic and then some. I set aside my original projects for the moment because I know that overthinking never does my work any good and I have been overthinking my original projects a lot.
So I'm setting those aside for stuff that makes me excited. Stuff like The Girls' Team (Em emothy, Cyn vacivity, Rikapi redmoonmurder, Marie priyarthi - I sent you PMs. Pls to be replying, ILU gaiz btw) and Rikkai!High.
But I think what I love the most is that I can talk about writing with people again. It's taken awhile for me to stop freezing up about broaching the topic of writing, and I have Kate and Goss _vyndasia_ and Em and the other Noelle xandrei to thank for that. I'm not sure if the writing block is completely done away with, but I am thankful for the rush of excitement that comes with planning and plotting and just attempting even the smallest of writing exercises. It's fanfic, yes, but it's still writing. That I can put words on virtual or actual paper again is a blessing; a triumph.
It's like finding my voice again (which I know you guys might be sick of hearing because I know I've mentioned this again and again these last few months) and it's great. It's brilliant. I love it and I am riding on the high of it. I don't want it to ever go away again. And this warrants a post over and over again on this journal because sometimes I wake up and I forget and I go weeks and months without doing anything about it.
But now... now I know that even if I stall or have to stop for a little while, I know it's just because I probably need a break to think it through. And taking time to think ideas through is not a waste of time any more. Not the way I was afraid it used to be. It isn't because I have no idea whose hands replaced the ones that are my own. My hands are my hands. My thoughts are too. It's liberating to say it and know that it's true.
(I know that last part didn't make sense. Bear with me a little.)
I should not be this hyper. This, I think, is what I get for taking chocolate cake (with fudge every so layer) for post-dinner dessert and then iced coffee right after. I have no idea if Wes thelostmaximoff is lolling his head on the other side of the chatscreen but if he is, I don't blame him. (And apparently, yes, he is.) I feel like I have a Caty running around in my head -- and if you don't get the reference, it's okay. Just substitute Caty with Honey-sempai and we'll go from there.
Speaking of Wes. I owe this guy a BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I hope you had an awesome one cos you're an awesome friend and I clearly don't tell you that enough.
Also: Your fic? I am finishing it. I am hoping to deliver it before the week is through.
I've been avoiding the comms on my flist and my Tumblr feed because of Mockingjay. I know that people are entitled to their take on the story, but I've had the misfortune to constantly come across people who are expressing extreme disappointment in the book and it all comes down to a disappointment over the ending. Some have said it has no heart, unlike the two previous books. As you can tell by the way I have brought this up, I strongly disagree.
So. For the sake of defending why I love Mockingjay to bits and why I think it couldn't have ended any other way, I come bearing links:
'My long-winded thoughts on reading Mockingjay' by author Malinda Lo. I think she puts her points succinctly. And I couldn't (seriously, I can't) have put it better.
Second link: Did any of you wonder about Johanna and Annie post-Mockingjay? READ THIS. :) I already recced this via Twitter. But I know not all of you are connected via that damn bluebird, so here you go.
On the subject of reading material... my brother _thenothing_ has been downloaded Thor-related comics. There is the lead-up to Marvel's The Siege and then there is the first set of comics for Ages of Thunder. And yeah, we even read through Tales of Asgard. Now while the last one is a bit... 90210-ish for me, I like it, even a little. The first two though are awesome and amazing and they are almost enough to make up for the drop in expectations that I've been experiencing given what I've been hearing regarding the up-and-coming Marvel movies.
Call me horrible, but I still want Chris Evans to somehow not end up as Cap. There are people who are swooning at the idea of him as Steve Rogers and all I can say is: YUCK. NO. GO AWAY.
I am entitled. I have been a fan since I was FIVE.
(Which some might say is not enough justification but aw hell, dhut up. I've been a fan of Cap for TWENTY YEARS. That HAS to count for something.)
*pouts*
Do you know that feeling when you feel right in your own skin? No? How about when you don't? Okay. If you have, okay. Think about how awesome it would be to wake up and not feel like that. Okay. Just picture that. That is what I feel. That everything is right. That I am alright.
I actually feel like I'm telling the truth this time. :) It's awesome.
Now I'm going to end this entry here. Because I'm hyper and I'm running off at the mouth. Ha ha.
Much love.
--N.
P.S. I want to give my camera something to work with. Comment with something you'd like to see, something from here, from my life. I want my next post to be a photo-essay of sorts.