The Gospel According to St. Cheney
I've been gone for a while from this lj, except to make brief emo notes. While that may or may not continue, I hope that this gift will atone. It's a whopper of stupid. It's so fucking insane I'd think it was a parody or a POE if it hadn't come from an established group of idiots. So here goes.
Right-wingers in this country like to pretend that the Bible agrees with them. Usually, this isn't the case and even when it does, there are qualifiers that, presumably, God put in to keep the sane in check from drinking the kool-aid that the idiots would drink anyway.
So what do you do when you claim to speak for God, yet God's own word doesn't agree with your obsessions about how evil Hillary Clinton is and how Bush 2 was a prophet of the Most High? Easy. You change it.
Thus was born the Conservative Bible Project brought to us by the certifiable folks at Conservapedia.
Now they're not going to school themselves on Hebrew or Greek. They're not going to learn the Aramaic language or try to grasp the vastness of the culture that surrounded the authors of the Bible, in order to better understand the texts. All of that learning shit is for sissies and fags.
Instead, they seek to correct the following in English translations:
As they accurately note: "Socialistic terminology permeates English translations of the Bible, without justification. This improperly encourages the "social justice" movement among Christians." Like Colbert, I am DEFINITELY throwing my weight behind these guys.
Ironically, the evil liberal Al Franken has already helped add Free Market Principles to the Scriptures!
They intend to "enhance" both the Tanach and the Christian Bible. I can't wait to read Ezekiel. Tackle this passage, guys:
"This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched." -- Ezekiel 16:49
That filthy socialist Ezekiel clearly does not hate homosexuals or blame them for Sodom! What sort of homosexual agenda is HE pushing?
I suggest we simply remove him from the Scriptures. Ditto for the bastard who wrote this: "Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your doings from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow." Isaiah, you're out of here!
Speaking of filthy socialists, check out these Marxism bastards. St. John Chrysostrom? More like St. John THE RED.
And read God's own words here!
I say we eject that commie right out of His gold throne!
We will become like the Most High and get rid of His socialist tyranny. He's no better than Obama!
Who's with me?!
Right-wingers in this country like to pretend that the Bible agrees with them. Usually, this isn't the case and even when it does, there are qualifiers that, presumably, God put in to keep the sane in check from drinking the kool-aid that the idiots would drink anyway.
So what do you do when you claim to speak for God, yet God's own word doesn't agree with your obsessions about how evil Hillary Clinton is and how Bush 2 was a prophet of the Most High? Easy. You change it.
Thus was born the Conservative Bible Project brought to us by the certifiable folks at Conservapedia.
Now they're not going to school themselves on Hebrew or Greek. They're not going to learn the Aramaic language or try to grasp the vastness of the culture that surrounded the authors of the Bible, in order to better understand the texts. All of that learning shit is for sissies and fags.
Instead, they seek to correct the following in English translations:
- Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
- Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
- Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3]
- Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
- Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
- Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
- Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
- Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
- Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
- Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."
As they accurately note: "Socialistic terminology permeates English translations of the Bible, without justification. This improperly encourages the "social justice" movement among Christians." Like Colbert, I am DEFINITELY throwing my weight behind these guys.
Ironically, the evil liberal Al Franken has already helped add Free Market Principles to the Scriptures!
They intend to "enhance" both the Tanach and the Christian Bible. I can't wait to read Ezekiel. Tackle this passage, guys:
"This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched." -- Ezekiel 16:49
That filthy socialist Ezekiel clearly does not hate homosexuals or blame them for Sodom! What sort of homosexual agenda is HE pushing?
I suggest we simply remove him from the Scriptures. Ditto for the bastard who wrote this: "Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your doings from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow." Isaiah, you're out of here!
Speaking of filthy socialists, check out these Marxism bastards. St. John Chrysostrom? More like St. John THE RED.
And read God's own words here!
I say we eject that commie right out of His gold throne!
We will become like the Most High and get rid of His socialist tyranny. He's no better than Obama!
Who's with me?!