Sleep...Or Not
At times the past few days all I've wanted to do is curl up and sleep, but I don't really wanna slide down that Rabbit Hole o' Despair/Sadness. Felt fully exhausted last night though, so crawled into bed a bit before 11pm. Woke up not long after 1am, and really didn't fall back asleep again, although I may've dozed a bit. Finally got up sometime after 5am and started watering outside.
Trying to figure out what's best to do w/myself. I've been spending time w/friends, which is good, and on my own, which doesn't feel so great but probably ain't a bad idea. Realizing I really don't care for living One Day At A Time. My preference = having stuff to look forward to. Anticipation = Good. Recently though I'd had anticipation of Bad Stuff, and now it's come to pass. What all am I going on about now? I really don't know. And I'm not gonna analyze the crap outta it either.
Canceled on one friend today to help another. Don't feel great about it, but it's done.
Okay, listening to music now, which helps (as it so often does). Pulled up the Cancer Mix that jaylake passed along a few years ago. He made it (I believe) after his initial cancer presentation and it helped him through, so I figured it might help me now that Cancer won the battle w/him (although he certainly gave it a run for its money).
Today: things & stuff (including Godzilla, potato salad prep, UL date night w NBA game)
Tmrw: it'll be exactly 50 years after JayLake was born. A few of us (the Tribe) will have a celebratory/memorial BBQ in his honor.
Sat: attending fambily & close friends memorial service (bringing lots o' Kleenex)
Sun: trad'l brunch w/another group o' Dear Friends, dress-up photog bday party for another friend, possibly attending a Pagan Jug Band show (they're playing Ford Food Drink in conjunction w/a book signing)
Trying to figure out what's best to do w/myself. I've been spending time w/friends, which is good, and on my own, which doesn't feel so great but probably ain't a bad idea. Realizing I really don't care for living One Day At A Time. My preference = having stuff to look forward to. Anticipation = Good. Recently though I'd had anticipation of Bad Stuff, and now it's come to pass. What all am I going on about now? I really don't know. And I'm not gonna analyze the crap outta it either.
Canceled on one friend today to help another. Don't feel great about it, but it's done.
Okay, listening to music now, which helps (as it so often does). Pulled up the Cancer Mix that jaylake passed along a few years ago. He made it (I believe) after his initial cancer presentation and it helped him through, so I figured it might help me now that Cancer won the battle w/him (although he certainly gave it a run for its money).
Today: things & stuff (including Godzilla, potato salad prep, UL date night w NBA game)
Tmrw: it'll be exactly 50 years after JayLake was born. A few of us (the Tribe) will have a celebratory/memorial BBQ in his honor.
Sat: attending fambily & close friends memorial service (bringing lots o' Kleenex)
Sun: trad'l brunch w/another group o' Dear Friends, dress-up photog bday party for another friend, possibly attending a Pagan Jug Band show (they're playing Ford Food Drink in conjunction w/a book signing)