Erotic Fantasies
I have been reading some female erotica in my study breaks - Anais Nin's "Delta of Venus" to be exact. It is a very interesting read. It made me think about my own erotic fantasies however, and how utterly disappointing they are. Its not that i dont have many, trust me, I have PLENTY. The only problem is, most of them are about the lead up to the sexual experiences... about the relationships or lack of them. I seem to be more concerned about the other person and how we interact with each other. Plus, if i ever see myself in a sexual dream, I tend to replace me with a really hot friend of mine who is much hotter and would look awesome in a leather catsuit.... Instead of perhaps thinking this is a sign of being frigid or tight, I have come to the conclusion that this is just another manifestation of committment-phobia.
What my fantasies are really about is forming an enjoyable, exciting, and healthy relationship, or enjoying sex in a great non relationship. This phobia of committment is with me constantly. I cant even have close friends without pulling away - they always want to spend so much time with me and i just want to be left alone. Alone in my own space, left to do my own thing. But i suppose deep down i must have a desire to change. I suppose the only question remaining is: How do i change?
What my fantasies are really about is forming an enjoyable, exciting, and healthy relationship, or enjoying sex in a great non relationship. This phobia of committment is with me constantly. I cant even have close friends without pulling away - they always want to spend so much time with me and i just want to be left alone. Alone in my own space, left to do my own thing. But i suppose deep down i must have a desire to change. I suppose the only question remaining is: How do i change?