dreams and confusion....
yeah, so i have had so many conflicting emotions lately, and not just from jeremy either!! like i get all these weird feelings about these weird things... like i let my mind start wondering and then it takes me to places i don't want to be and i make assumptions and i build dreams and i don't want them because they will only be shattered in the end...
i wish i could tell you of my dreams, but i don't even know what they are anymore. i had always had dreams, no ambitions, to be a lawyer and they were ripped out from under me, by who of all people? me!!! i proclaimed that i didn't want to be a lawyer, i didn't want to go to law school, and i wanted to work at mcdonalds.. my gosh, what kind of a skitzo am i??
on top of this i have been very confused lately. like confused about things i should know, like the days of the week and my birthday. this weekend someone asked me when my birthday was and i said april 27, but then i corrected my self with january 27!! oh but don't worry, it gets better. the next day someone was talking about it and they said my birthday was august 27, which it is, but i insisted that my birthday was february 27!! what the crap is wrong with me. then i said i would be leaving here either thursday or monday, that's kinda a big difference considering i was really planning on leaving here either on thursday or friday.
is the confusion within my heart confusing my head now too??? i don't know what to do about anything anymore. but at least i am confused in a positive way right? like i don't want to kill myself and i am rather content with my life, for the most part minus those things i want to change. so yeah, there it is, all laid out for the whole world to read, or the 2 people who actually read my lj, hehe.
i'm sure somebody out there knows what i mean and what i feel like. it is just really confusing when your heart tells you do to one thing but your mind tells you to do another.. and don't even get me started about what God is telling me to do because i can't even decipher it among the jumble in my body... gotta love my sketchiness though... hopefully eventually somebody will...
i wish i could tell you of my dreams, but i don't even know what they are anymore. i had always had dreams, no ambitions, to be a lawyer and they were ripped out from under me, by who of all people? me!!! i proclaimed that i didn't want to be a lawyer, i didn't want to go to law school, and i wanted to work at mcdonalds.. my gosh, what kind of a skitzo am i??
on top of this i have been very confused lately. like confused about things i should know, like the days of the week and my birthday. this weekend someone asked me when my birthday was and i said april 27, but then i corrected my self with january 27!! oh but don't worry, it gets better. the next day someone was talking about it and they said my birthday was august 27, which it is, but i insisted that my birthday was february 27!! what the crap is wrong with me. then i said i would be leaving here either thursday or monday, that's kinda a big difference considering i was really planning on leaving here either on thursday or friday.
is the confusion within my heart confusing my head now too??? i don't know what to do about anything anymore. but at least i am confused in a positive way right? like i don't want to kill myself and i am rather content with my life, for the most part minus those things i want to change. so yeah, there it is, all laid out for the whole world to read, or the 2 people who actually read my lj, hehe.
i'm sure somebody out there knows what i mean and what i feel like. it is just really confusing when your heart tells you do to one thing but your mind tells you to do another.. and don't even get me started about what God is telling me to do because i can't even decipher it among the jumble in my body... gotta love my sketchiness though... hopefully eventually somebody will...