Job Craziness
This weekend was awesome and I love Halloween so so much, but this week I have been shocked back into reality by work drama.
So I have been substituting for a teacher on maternity leave, and I was told early on she would be back sometime in November. I was never given an exact date, only that I would be given more details closer to her arrival. So imagine my surprise when I received an email from the teacher on TUESDAY saying she would be returning today. No one bothered to tell me or explain what my responsibilities would be when she returned.
I still have so much stuff to grade and I have to get in final grades by next Tuesday. I have been battling with technology, as well as time since, you know, I work two other jobs. So the teacher returned today and while she seemed very happy to be back, she obviously runs a tight ship. With the confusion of having three other substitutes before me, I have been more lax than I normally would like, but the students were just adjusting and had really started to turn things around. (I also love them all dearly.) However, all day, without her really saying it, I felt like I was being judged for being too easy on the students, when in fact I made progress of leaps and bounds since my arrival only a few short weeks ago. I just felt so inadequate and terribly useless despite giving more effort than anybody else would have for such a short term assignment for a degrading amount of pay. I also felt physically sick when I saw my students being taken away from me. Some of them were noticeably upset at yet another change, while others were very excited to hear all about the baby upon the teacher's return. No matter what the students' reactions I felt like my own kids were being taken away from me in front of my very eyes. I've grown so attached and don't want to go.
I guess that's the nature of a short-term assignment. I should learn to be more like Mary Poppins and go where the wind takes me. I should teach my lessons and fly away without looking back down. But that's impossible for me because I simply care too much.
I have no idea how much longer I'll actually be allowed to stay to finish my grading and such. Tomorrow could be my very last day. I've tried to get information about any other open positions but they have not gotten back to me. I've heard hints that soomething might open up or they will keep me as a permanant sub, but I've learned not to trust these rumors because I've been too disappointed in the past. Everything is just so up in the air. I interviewed for a permanant job last week and thought I had it, but of course I was the runner up for the billionth time (I can't take being second-best anymore). I felt secure for a month (even though I was exhausted), and I'm not ready to let go again.
So I have been substituting for a teacher on maternity leave, and I was told early on she would be back sometime in November. I was never given an exact date, only that I would be given more details closer to her arrival. So imagine my surprise when I received an email from the teacher on TUESDAY saying she would be returning today. No one bothered to tell me or explain what my responsibilities would be when she returned.
I still have so much stuff to grade and I have to get in final grades by next Tuesday. I have been battling with technology, as well as time since, you know, I work two other jobs. So the teacher returned today and while she seemed very happy to be back, she obviously runs a tight ship. With the confusion of having three other substitutes before me, I have been more lax than I normally would like, but the students were just adjusting and had really started to turn things around. (I also love them all dearly.) However, all day, without her really saying it, I felt like I was being judged for being too easy on the students, when in fact I made progress of leaps and bounds since my arrival only a few short weeks ago. I just felt so inadequate and terribly useless despite giving more effort than anybody else would have for such a short term assignment for a degrading amount of pay. I also felt physically sick when I saw my students being taken away from me. Some of them were noticeably upset at yet another change, while others were very excited to hear all about the baby upon the teacher's return. No matter what the students' reactions I felt like my own kids were being taken away from me in front of my very eyes. I've grown so attached and don't want to go.
I guess that's the nature of a short-term assignment. I should learn to be more like Mary Poppins and go where the wind takes me. I should teach my lessons and fly away without looking back down. But that's impossible for me because I simply care too much.
I have no idea how much longer I'll actually be allowed to stay to finish my grading and such. Tomorrow could be my very last day. I've tried to get information about any other open positions but they have not gotten back to me. I've heard hints that soomething might open up or they will keep me as a permanant sub, but I've learned not to trust these rumors because I've been too disappointed in the past. Everything is just so up in the air. I interviewed for a permanant job last week and thought I had it, but of course I was the runner up for the billionth time (I can't take being second-best anymore). I felt secure for a month (even though I was exhausted), and I'm not ready to let go again.