(no subject)
I don't understand what's happened to my life
Life is so fucked up.
I'm so fucked up.
I've failed at quitting smoking, but i guess it's better than other options.
I just want to feel normal, feel secure.
I'm hoping camp with help me feel grounded, and happy. I really think it will.
I'm thinking maybe i should of gone away next year, but who knows maybe things will be better here in september.
My whole group of friends seem to have given up on everything though.
I really would like to meet someone, I'm so lonely.
Life used to make so much sense, now nothing makes sense.
I feel so numb all the time.
I don't know why I bother with anything anymore, it seems no matter what I do I fuck shit up and cause shit and somehow come out as the bad guy. I try so hard to be a good person but maybe I'll never feel like I am.
I just want to be able to be happy, I don't know what's wrong with me lately.
I don't feel like I can trust anyone anymore. Everyone acts like my friend to my face, but then I hear about things that people say about me and lies people make up about me and I don't know who to believe. I hear one thing from one person, and then something else from someone else. It seems like everyone lies through thier teeth to make themselves look better. I guess everyone just looks out for themselves, but I wish everyone would just be honest with everyone. But I guess you can't just tell people things sometimes, so you tell someone else and then the person ends up finding out, and then the person who said it lies about it to not make themselves look bad and make everything ok. Does that make any sense? I guess its just the cycle of everything, but i still wish everyone could just be honest to begin with. I'm just rambling and I don't even know if I make any sense at all.
I guess I'm not going to prom anymore, I have to decide and buy tickets by friday, but I don't think it's going to happen. It's not really that important anyways.
Emily's home now, i think that's really going to help me. She's one of the few people I can trust, and one of the few friends that is always nice to me so I think it'll make me feel better having her around.
I feel like I've wasted so much time. I tried so hard to get a job in the last few months, but no one would hire me. I gave up when I ony had a month and a half left before camp because I felt like there was no point. I could of made so much money by now, which really sucks because I need to save up money to move out in september. I don't know if I'm actually going to be able to live in september, but im going to have some money from camp and I'm going to try. I just feel so unproductive, there's so many things I could of done during this time, so many things I wanted to do. It was so much easier just to do nothing, I guess.
I feel like I've lost touch with so many of my friends. No one calls me anymore, except for george and brittany. For a while there, people called me all the time, and it made me feel good about myself.
I feel betrayed in so many ways.
I can't believe how much my life has changed lately.
I don't know what I'd do without George, he's the only person whos been there for me lately.
I'm really really sick, I guess that dosent help. I hope it goes away soon.
You don't give a fuck about me.
I didn't even cause all this.
Life is so fucked up.
I'm so fucked up.
I've failed at quitting smoking, but i guess it's better than other options.
I just want to feel normal, feel secure.
I'm hoping camp with help me feel grounded, and happy. I really think it will.
I'm thinking maybe i should of gone away next year, but who knows maybe things will be better here in september.
My whole group of friends seem to have given up on everything though.
I really would like to meet someone, I'm so lonely.
Life used to make so much sense, now nothing makes sense.
I feel so numb all the time.
I don't know why I bother with anything anymore, it seems no matter what I do I fuck shit up and cause shit and somehow come out as the bad guy. I try so hard to be a good person but maybe I'll never feel like I am.
I just want to be able to be happy, I don't know what's wrong with me lately.
I don't feel like I can trust anyone anymore. Everyone acts like my friend to my face, but then I hear about things that people say about me and lies people make up about me and I don't know who to believe. I hear one thing from one person, and then something else from someone else. It seems like everyone lies through thier teeth to make themselves look better. I guess everyone just looks out for themselves, but I wish everyone would just be honest with everyone. But I guess you can't just tell people things sometimes, so you tell someone else and then the person ends up finding out, and then the person who said it lies about it to not make themselves look bad and make everything ok. Does that make any sense? I guess its just the cycle of everything, but i still wish everyone could just be honest to begin with. I'm just rambling and I don't even know if I make any sense at all.
I guess I'm not going to prom anymore, I have to decide and buy tickets by friday, but I don't think it's going to happen. It's not really that important anyways.
Emily's home now, i think that's really going to help me. She's one of the few people I can trust, and one of the few friends that is always nice to me so I think it'll make me feel better having her around.
I feel like I've wasted so much time. I tried so hard to get a job in the last few months, but no one would hire me. I gave up when I ony had a month and a half left before camp because I felt like there was no point. I could of made so much money by now, which really sucks because I need to save up money to move out in september. I don't know if I'm actually going to be able to live in september, but im going to have some money from camp and I'm going to try. I just feel so unproductive, there's so many things I could of done during this time, so many things I wanted to do. It was so much easier just to do nothing, I guess.
I feel like I've lost touch with so many of my friends. No one calls me anymore, except for george and brittany. For a while there, people called me all the time, and it made me feel good about myself.
I feel betrayed in so many ways.
I can't believe how much my life has changed lately.
I don't know what I'd do without George, he's the only person whos been there for me lately.
I'm really really sick, I guess that dosent help. I hope it goes away soon.
You don't give a fuck about me.
I didn't even cause all this.