me? stressed?
I've had a really bad couple of days. Been really stressed and for some reason i feel worse than i normally do with my everyday stress. I'm realizing about a few years too late that i'm way behind the talent that i should have on my instrument and should have taken lessons. In some ways i feel really guilty that i haven't taken many lessons because i could be so much better right now and not as stressed. What is really getting me angry is that people are looking at me like i'm not ready to handle life being a music department major partially because they think i'm lazy about practicing (which isn't true. I do it when i'm home and don't have homework. i have so many things going on that they don't realize i just DON'T have time sometimes, which i'm realizing now i should have made time for). So having people doubt me really gets me angry but more so upset and i lose hope in my ability. I know i'll rise to the challenge though! If a school will just give me the chance. And i hope the school that really matters to me will give me a chance.
Anyway I'm sick of being exhausted all the time and when i have free time i end up falling asleep and what i hate the most is how much i complain about it. Now that track is done i have been more able to stay awake through the day but it's still hard. I should just suck it up and stop making excuses. So in the past month or so i've been trying to not make excuses (which i'm the all time ruler of being able to do)although all of the ones i have are truly legit. But whatever, no one likes to listen to a whiner so i'm taking responsibility for my not being the best musician i can be right now and i think that it's going to take awhile for me to accept that. I believe thats where a lot of my stress is coming from: owning up to my mistakes when the whole time i had thought i was doing the right thing. I guess thats the way things go. So suck it up buttercup.
I spent all day today practicing and i feel a lot better about being able to pull off my audition in a week and a half. I just need to make practicing priority and learn how to manage my time around it. I've been skipping lunch and practicing for over a month now and it has payed off some although it's only about 25 minutes. I'm starting to get my minor scales down (which i just started tonight and is going well) and as soon as i can get my pieces perfect or at least consistent i'll feel confident.
If your doubting me, don't tell me. If i hear it i tend to believe it, even if i don't show that i believe it. So from now on as hard as it is going to be i'm going to try to be positive about cramming what i should have been doing for about 6 months now into one more week. I apologize now if i'm not very personable for the next few weeks. Here goes.
Anyway I'm sick of being exhausted all the time and when i have free time i end up falling asleep and what i hate the most is how much i complain about it. Now that track is done i have been more able to stay awake through the day but it's still hard. I should just suck it up and stop making excuses. So in the past month or so i've been trying to not make excuses (which i'm the all time ruler of being able to do)although all of the ones i have are truly legit. But whatever, no one likes to listen to a whiner so i'm taking responsibility for my not being the best musician i can be right now and i think that it's going to take awhile for me to accept that. I believe thats where a lot of my stress is coming from: owning up to my mistakes when the whole time i had thought i was doing the right thing. I guess thats the way things go. So suck it up buttercup.
I spent all day today practicing and i feel a lot better about being able to pull off my audition in a week and a half. I just need to make practicing priority and learn how to manage my time around it. I've been skipping lunch and practicing for over a month now and it has payed off some although it's only about 25 minutes. I'm starting to get my minor scales down (which i just started tonight and is going well) and as soon as i can get my pieces perfect or at least consistent i'll feel confident.
If your doubting me, don't tell me. If i hear it i tend to believe it, even if i don't show that i believe it. So from now on as hard as it is going to be i'm going to try to be positive about cramming what i should have been doing for about 6 months now into one more week. I apologize now if i'm not very personable for the next few weeks. Here goes.