My Uphill Battle
Occasionally I get the feeling I'm fighting this uphill battle I can't win. It makes me feel like maybe I'm only setting myself up to get incredibly hurt. The girl I've been dating the last few weeks had genuinely liked me the whole 2 years we've known each other. The only problem was she had a long-term b/f that was kinda in the way. Well this summer, that sorta ended. Of course, as my luck would have it, this summer she went away to arizona and dated some guy from Ireland while she was there for maybe a month or so. She accidentally allowed herself to fall really hard and really fast for this guy even though she knew he was leaving for Ireland at the end of the summer.
Fast forward to current times. She tells me that anytime over the last 2 years she would've JUMPED at the chance to be with me, but after last summer is having to almost fight to convince herself that she should even contemplate it. She can't seem to get over this guy from Ireland. Nevermind the fact that he has made no attempt to talk to her in over a month. She talks about him more than I'm comfortable with and I know she's not totally over him, which is what is preventing us from moving on to a relationship to begin with.
Today she even posted a poem she had written about how much she misses him in her away message...which quickly changed when I commented on it. She's really broken up about it today, and when I talked to her, she told me of some of the other things that are bothering her, but when I asked her of anything else she wanted to talk about and get out in the open, she told me she didn't think she really felt like talking about it.
The odd thing is I feel like I completely understand what she's going through. She's upset because she fell really hard and really fast for this guy and was forced to give him up even though there was nothing inherently wrong with him. Meanwhile I have fallen harder and faster than I had intended...yet I'm forced to hold back because it may or may not lead to anything. She realizes that she has me here and that she can't find anything wrong with me...but for some reason that's just not good enough.
I've told her that I'm in no way rushing her to a decision, but she has told me in the last few days that she is starting to fall for me and get over the other guy. That, of course, seems to sway from day to day. I just don't like worrying about how hurt I'll be if nothing comes of this whole situation.
Fast forward to current times. She tells me that anytime over the last 2 years she would've JUMPED at the chance to be with me, but after last summer is having to almost fight to convince herself that she should even contemplate it. She can't seem to get over this guy from Ireland. Nevermind the fact that he has made no attempt to talk to her in over a month. She talks about him more than I'm comfortable with and I know she's not totally over him, which is what is preventing us from moving on to a relationship to begin with.
Today she even posted a poem she had written about how much she misses him in her away message...which quickly changed when I commented on it. She's really broken up about it today, and when I talked to her, she told me of some of the other things that are bothering her, but when I asked her of anything else she wanted to talk about and get out in the open, she told me she didn't think she really felt like talking about it.
The odd thing is I feel like I completely understand what she's going through. She's upset because she fell really hard and really fast for this guy and was forced to give him up even though there was nothing inherently wrong with him. Meanwhile I have fallen harder and faster than I had intended...yet I'm forced to hold back because it may or may not lead to anything. She realizes that she has me here and that she can't find anything wrong with me...but for some reason that's just not good enough.
I've told her that I'm in no way rushing her to a decision, but she has told me in the last few days that she is starting to fall for me and get over the other guy. That, of course, seems to sway from day to day. I just don't like worrying about how hurt I'll be if nothing comes of this whole situation.