an entry
In which I write about a random assortment of maybe disconnected things
Here's a strange thought for the day. I was perusing a bookstore this morning, and found about a dozen books that I wanted to read. Then I remembered that I have to go to work today, and thought to myself, "I can't wait until I retire". Seriously. I feel like I could read all day, every day, for the rest of my life and never get bored.
But then, what a strange way of thinking, huh? Retirement is like... the downhill path on the way to the grave. It's the reward for a lifetime of hard work, it's a time to reflect and bake cookies for your grandkids and pass on your wisdom. Why would I want that now? I don't want a foot in the grave for another umpteen years. I don't want to passively absorb life, I want to create life!
I haven't suffered enough yet. I haven't seen enough rivers, and lakes, and mountains. I haven't written poetry, or stood on top of Mt Kilimanjaro, or seen Niagra Falls, or the forests of Costa Rica, so many things! Every time I read about medicins sans frontiers, I think "I want to do that" even though I have zero medical training and it would probably be insanely stressful. But there's still something inside of me that responds to the call. My palms sweat, my heart rate speeds up, my eyes bulge out a little bit as I read. Lacking signs from God, or any sensible stepping stones in my life leading me down that path, I have to listen to by body, and what it tells me.
I listened to Obama's most recent speech on race, and cried my eyes out. It reminded me of my activism in high school. That's right, I was an activist in high school! I had black friends and latino friends and asian friends. I really miss that. I wrote articles for the newspaper, and spent my lunch hours talking about race. Granted, this was just my senior year, but that was a year of serious changes (sparked by conflict, unfortunately) in my high school. My friends and I were the spark that led to the creation of a new staff position in charge of diversity issues. It was amazing to be a part of that. Then at MHC, even though I wasn't an activist, I had friends from all over the world. That was so important to me. I want to know people from different walks of life again.
So I just got a call from my mom, and we had an excellent conversation. We were talking about Easter and she said something like, "I want to start some sort of Easter celebration". Knowing my mom as a devout atheist, I'm a bit confused, so I hazard, "Oh, you mean like a Spring celebration?" and she says, "Well, actually, I've been thinking recently about how the resurrection of Jesus represents forgiveness and redemption and rebirth, and I can kinda see why people think it's a big deal" .... So I'm like, holy shit!! I am thrilled. We've had fights about Christianity before. Horrid fights. She's said things like, "I don't want you getting brainwashed". It's been a source of tension, but recently I've dropped the issue. So now, this. She even says, "I think I'm going to read the New Testament again". So I'm pretty ecstatic about that, and I immediately launch into a rave about my current favourite book, "The Gospel According to Jesus Christ" by my favourite author (Jose Saramago) which I'm going go send to her, and she seems really eager to read it. I think she'll adore it, because, as I mentioned to her, Saramago's humour reminds me of my late grandpa Pepe (her father in law). Anyway! I feel all giddy, as if I've just come out of the closet or something. I'd come out before, and was beaten back in, but suddenly this time, it's okay. Wow. Neither of us are (probably) ever going to be "Real Christians" but it's so nice to finally see eye to eye about how it really is a large part of our lives, even if there are certain things we can't believe in literally. Anyway!!
Must go to work now though. *sob*
Here's a strange thought for the day. I was perusing a bookstore this morning, and found about a dozen books that I wanted to read. Then I remembered that I have to go to work today, and thought to myself, "I can't wait until I retire". Seriously. I feel like I could read all day, every day, for the rest of my life and never get bored.
But then, what a strange way of thinking, huh? Retirement is like... the downhill path on the way to the grave. It's the reward for a lifetime of hard work, it's a time to reflect and bake cookies for your grandkids and pass on your wisdom. Why would I want that now? I don't want a foot in the grave for another umpteen years. I don't want to passively absorb life, I want to create life!
I haven't suffered enough yet. I haven't seen enough rivers, and lakes, and mountains. I haven't written poetry, or stood on top of Mt Kilimanjaro, or seen Niagra Falls, or the forests of Costa Rica, so many things! Every time I read about medicins sans frontiers, I think "I want to do that" even though I have zero medical training and it would probably be insanely stressful. But there's still something inside of me that responds to the call. My palms sweat, my heart rate speeds up, my eyes bulge out a little bit as I read. Lacking signs from God, or any sensible stepping stones in my life leading me down that path, I have to listen to by body, and what it tells me.
I listened to Obama's most recent speech on race, and cried my eyes out. It reminded me of my activism in high school. That's right, I was an activist in high school! I had black friends and latino friends and asian friends. I really miss that. I wrote articles for the newspaper, and spent my lunch hours talking about race. Granted, this was just my senior year, but that was a year of serious changes (sparked by conflict, unfortunately) in my high school. My friends and I were the spark that led to the creation of a new staff position in charge of diversity issues. It was amazing to be a part of that. Then at MHC, even though I wasn't an activist, I had friends from all over the world. That was so important to me. I want to know people from different walks of life again.
So I just got a call from my mom, and we had an excellent conversation. We were talking about Easter and she said something like, "I want to start some sort of Easter celebration". Knowing my mom as a devout atheist, I'm a bit confused, so I hazard, "Oh, you mean like a Spring celebration?" and she says, "Well, actually, I've been thinking recently about how the resurrection of Jesus represents forgiveness and redemption and rebirth, and I can kinda see why people think it's a big deal" .... So I'm like, holy shit!! I am thrilled. We've had fights about Christianity before. Horrid fights. She's said things like, "I don't want you getting brainwashed". It's been a source of tension, but recently I've dropped the issue. So now, this. She even says, "I think I'm going to read the New Testament again". So I'm pretty ecstatic about that, and I immediately launch into a rave about my current favourite book, "The Gospel According to Jesus Christ" by my favourite author (Jose Saramago) which I'm going go send to her, and she seems really eager to read it. I think she'll adore it, because, as I mentioned to her, Saramago's humour reminds me of my late grandpa Pepe (her father in law). Anyway! I feel all giddy, as if I've just come out of the closet or something. I'd come out before, and was beaten back in, but suddenly this time, it's okay. Wow. Neither of us are (probably) ever going to be "Real Christians" but it's so nice to finally see eye to eye about how it really is a large part of our lives, even if there are certain things we can't believe in literally. Anyway!!
Must go to work now though. *sob*