FIC: Combat Bikini, Part 4
Title: Combat Bikini
Part: 4 of ?
Rating: T
Chapter 4
“So I was wondering if you’d like to join us on our next photo shoot,” she said casually over the phone. Vala had called Daniel at home, just before he was about to go to bed.
“Uhhh… why?” He cradled the cordless phone between his neck and cheek as he tried to pull off his socks. Daniel ended up hopping up and down, finally making it to the bed.
“You’re the one who gets mad at me for not telling you things,” she accused.
“That doesn’t mean I want to participate in your latest scheme.” Daniel plopped down on top of his covers and stretched out. He placed his glasses on the bedside table.
She guffawed and sounded insulted. “Contrary to your great mind’s assumptions, this is not a scheme! It is a perfectly legitimate business venture.”
“Vala, ‘legitimate’ entails getting a license from the government. Charging taxes on your sales. Paying taxes!”
“Darling, my services to your government should be payment enough.”
Daniel grumbled.
“And besides…” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “This is one of those ‘under-the-table’ type things. I’m sure you’ve never heard of it.”
He brought a hand to his forehead and smacked himself slightly. “I know what that means. I’m not completely ignorant you know.”
“Good. Then you’ll be the perfect accountant.”
“What?”
“I need someone to look after my books, Darling. You’re the perfect candidate.”
“Books? What books?”
“The kind that involve money.”
“Oh of course, the only kind that you like.” She harumphed, but he paid her sound of disapproval no mind. “And why exactly do I get offered such an honorable position within your sham of a company?” he said mockingly.
“Well, for one, you’re pretty smart for a Tau’ri. And two, I need someone I can trust to make sure my money is in all the right places.”
“Golly gee, I’m flattered,” he replied with a sarcastic tone.
She ignored it. “Daniel, please! Come to my photo shoot, and I’ll have everything ready for you there. It’ll be easy!”
“Go ask Mitchell!”
“I already did. He said he’s busy.”
Dammit, why didn’t I say that? “Vala, you’re a big girl. I know you can add.”
“But I don’t have time! Between all the cutting and sewing and modeling and selling and marketing, I haven’t any left to track my finances!” she whined.
“I do not want to be roped in to another one of your crazy shenanigans. I’ve already been looking over my shoulder for Landry since you cooked this up.”
“But Daniel… I need you!” The emphasis she put on the word ‘need’ made him pause. She’d never said that out loud before. Granted, she had never started a bikini business that required the tracking of large sums of money before. But still.
He groaned. She had him now. “Okay,” he mumbled.
Vala squealed in delight. “Tomorrow, meet me at this address…” she said, rattling off an address in the city. “0900 hours, sharp! I’ll be there with Teal’c. And I’ll bring all my receipts!”
“Fine,” he grumbled.
“Have a good night, Darling,” she said cheerfully. She hung up, leaving Daniel wondering how exactly she had conned him into this one.
000
His morning was not off to a good start. Aside from spilling coffee on himself, he had also made the wrong exit off the freeway and had had to double back. Once at the address, he found there was very little parking available. He grumbled to himself the entire four block walk to his destination.
By the time he arrived in the warehouse where the photo shoot was, he was twenty minutes late. The steel door had nothing but its street number painted on it. No sign to indicate what this place was supposed to be. It was unlocked, so he entered. Daniel stuck his hands into his pockets as he walked down the lonely corridor he found. Someone had haphazardly put up some walls to separate the large building into sections. The drywall hadn’t even been painted over.
At the end of the hall was a curtain. When he pushed it aside, he could already see the photographer at work in a large open space. He couldn’t see anyone else, though. The wall to his right extended from the curtain about twenty more feet. A simple opening had been cut out of the drywall to act as a door. It, too, was covered by a simple curtain. He could hear rustling from within that makeshift room. Beyond that was the target of the photographer’s constant snap-snap-snap, just around the corner of the room.
“Beautiful, darling,” he called out in an accented voice. “Just like that.” Click, click, click. “Give me a little smile. Yes. That’s it…”
Daniel had paused just inside the curtain. Eventually, the photographer turned his head and eyed him. He stared so long Daniel was beginning to wonder if there was something in his teeth. The man seemed to consider him, then settle on something.
“You, come here, now,” he commanded.
Daniel’s eyes widened. Obviously there was no one else around, so he assumed that the photographer was talking to him. He stepped forward an inch.
“Come, come, don’t be shy. You are late, but we will make work, yes?” The photographer walked over and pulled on Daniel’s arm. Soon they were within sight of the photo shoot itself. Two women were clad in bikinis and leaning on some fake rocks. A false backdrop of a beach at sunset stood behind them.
Daniel’s eyes widened when he saw them. “Lt. Castle?”
The woman on the left, in a yellow two-piece, gasped. “Dr. Jackson?”
The woman on the right, another familiar face, bit her lip. “Well, when Vala said we’d have inspiration, she wasn’t kidding.”
“Major Lyden?” The woman waved saucily at him. She almost seemed eager.
“Good, good, good, you know each other. Now, remove shirt,” the photographer demanded of Daniel.
“Uhh… what?”
“Remove shirt! This is a beach. You must look like it! Ugh, and what terrible pants. Take those off, too!”
Daniel looked down at his jeans, then back up, outraged. “No!”
Behind him, Vala peeked her head out of the curtain. Her eyes went wide. She ran out wearing nothing but a towel and waving her free hand. “Sergei, Darling! This isn’t the model I was promising you. He’s my…” Vala stopped next to Daniel. “…assistant!”
“Excuse me?” Daniel said, turning toward her with annoyance.
“Then where is model?”
“I’m working on it…”
“I need a male model, Vala-bear. These women need eye candy. They need sexy!”
“Vala-bear?” Daniel repeated with skepticism. She looked up at him with a sheepish grin.
She turned back to her photographer. “Patience, Sergei. Work with what you have. Isn’t that what you’re so good at?”
The photographer harumphed, camera hanging from his neck above his crossed arms. He released those arms to gesture wildly. “This one,” he said, pointing at Daniel, “is perfect! If he is assistant, then make him assist!”
“What the hell is he talking about, Vala?” Daniel demanded.
“Shhh, let me handle this,” she whispered. In a louder voice, she addressed Sergei as she walked toward him. “Darling, you know I wouldn’t lie to you. You’ll have your sexy male model, but you must be patient! You know as well as I do that it takes time to line up an appropriately talented male figure.” She turned him back toward the girls as she sweet-talked him. “Just look at these two.” Vala lowered her voice. “They’ve already caught a glimpse of my darling little assistant over there. Can’t you tell they’re just oozing with harmones now?”
Sergei cocked his head and stared at the two women. A slow smile dawned on his face. “Yesss, I see. Ah, Vala-bear, you are genius!”
She grinned back. “I try. Now back to work!” The photographer continued his efforts with renewed vigor.
Vala walked toward Daniel, keeping the towel held up around her with one hand. “I’m starting to think it’s Sergei that wants a hot male model to look at more than he needs our girls to.” She quirked a smile. “I think he’s a lesbian.”
“You mean gay?”
“Sure, whatever.”
Daniel looked up at the ceiling, searching for reprieve from this madness. “Vala, why am I really here?”
She turned on the sweet, innocent Vala look. “Because you’re a good friend who supports the people in his life, no matter what the circumstances?”
He crossed his arms, waiting for a better answer.
“Okay, okay. So I had more in mind when I called. I would have been able to explain the whole situation to you if you’d been here on time.”
“You had me on the phone last night. You didn’t think to explain then?”
“Daniel, then you wouldn’t have bothered to show up here at all. I couldn’t do that, silly.”
He rolled his eyes, making sure she could see his annoyance.
She grabbed his arm and led him back toward the curtained room. “Look, I do need your help. And I have a better job for you. No adding or subtracting skills required!”
“Oh god, what now?”
“Well I haven’t been a goddess in a long time. But if you want to start thinking of me as one, that can be arranged,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Not you!” She gave him a cheeky grin. Daniel grunted. How this woman frustrated him so easily was a real mystery. Worse than the ‘meaning of life’ stuff.
She led him inside of the room with a simple pull of the curtain. There was a large full-length mirror to one side and a couple of chairs scattered about. A rolling garment rack was filled with bikinis of various styles and colors. Daniel recognized a few of them from the pictures. Otherwise the room was sparse. The walls consisted of nothing more than cheap drywall that didn’t even reach the ceiling. The sounds of Sergei encouraging the girls to look and feel sexy echoed in from the opening. He could hear the distinct click, snap, click of the camera.
Vala turned her back on Daniel and threw her towel onto a nearby chair. Thankfully, she had her bottoms on. But it seemed that her top, which was a very small tube, was falling off. “Darling, tie me up.”
He hesitated.
“Daniel!” He stepped forward and grabbed the loose strings that would hold up her bandeau bikini top.
“This is why I’m here!? To help you get dressed?” The irritation was clear in his tone. He tightened the strings.
“Ouch, too tight. Loosen it up a bit.”
He did so, but not without audible grumbles of complaint. Daniel tied the strings and secured them with boy scout knots so there would be no danger of her top ever falling off. That was the last thing he needed right now.
“Where the Hell is Teal’c?”
“Oh he’ll be back. It seems that Carolyn slept in this morning. I sent him to go fetch her.”
“Great. So I’m Carolyn’s replacement?”
“Just until she gets here!”
“Anything else I should know about?”
Vala turned around to face him and put her hands on her hips. “Hmmm.” The time she took to think gave Daniel a chance to survey her latest bikini. It was green with small white polkadots. With her bikini top being so... miniature… he had plans to ban her from ever trying to swim, or weild a gun, in that number. It was sure to fall off, boy scout knots be damned.
“Vala-bear! Get out here, now. Your turn!”
“Oh!” She jumped. “I’m up.” She hustled past Daniel and out into the photo shoot.
Before he could exit, the two other models were walking in. Castle seemed a little shy, but Lyden found the prospect of Daniel being in there exciting. Her grin showed it. “So,” she started, “when do we get to take pictures with you?”
His mouth dropped open. “Ahh, err… I think Vala needs my help.” He swiftly made his way out the exit.
Daniel shook his head. This was insane. Issue him a crazy card, insane. He leaned on the corner of the makeshift changing room and watched as Sergei called out to Vala to try different poses. The whole thing was like one big joke that she seemed to be taking a little too seriously. He observed as she twisted her body this way and that, leaning on the rock, then not leaning on the rock. Biting her lip. Smiling. Looking dangerous. All sorts of poses. And all with the encouragement of ‘Sergei, the gay photographer.’ Daniel’s head was spinning.
Noises from behind him were a welcome distraction.
“Oh. My. God.” He turned around. Mitchell was standing there, open-mouthed, staring at Sergei. Carolyn and Teal’c were with him. “Teal’c, what the hell did you bring me to?”
“Is it not obvious, Colonel Mitchell?”
“I better get changed,” Carolyn muttered. She disappeared into the changing room.
“Cam, did Vala con you into coming here, too?”
Mitchell finally noticed Daniel and scoffed. “No! I was dragged here by the big guy against my will!” He turned to Teal’c. “You told me you needed back-up!”
“Indeed it was true before the arrival of Daniel Jackson. I feared that he would not make an appearance.”
Mitchell turned on a dangerous glare at Jackson. It seemed to radiate, ‘Your fault.’ Daniel just squinted with a dirty look of his own, not enjoying the situation much either.
Sergei paused in his constant camera clicking and stared at Cameron. Just as he did with Daniel, he studied him. Then he smiled. “Vala-bear! You really have good taste.” He gestured toward Cam. “Come, come! Time to begin!”
Mitchell looked from Teal’c to Daniel, not quite understanding what was being expected of him. Teal’c donned a typical, blank Jaffa look while Daniel shrugged. Internally, though, the archaeologist was starting to enjoy not being Vala’s only victim today.
“Ay, why you so shy? No need. You’re handsome. Take off shirt and let’s start!”
“Is he talking to me?”
“Yep,” Daniel replied.
“Hell no!”
“Cam!” Carolyn shouted. She had appeared in a bright red bikini, the very same one she had accidentally modeled for Daniel and Cam a few weeks ago. It had a dainty little bow placed just under her belly button. “Don’t be rude,” she chastised.
He pointed at her. “Hey, isn’t that…”
She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the scene where Vala was. The founder of all this mayhem finally had a chance to see Cam’s face. “Hi, Mitchell! So glad you could come!”
Carolyn grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off with ease.
“What the… woman!”
“Oh come on, you weren’t this shy last night,” she commented. Daniel started laughing.
Mitchell sent him a warning glance while being harrassed by Carolyn.
“Oooh,” Sergei cooed, obviously impressed with Cam’s physique. “Very good. Very, very good.” He started snapping pictures.
“Wha… hey! Stop that!” Mitchell yelled at the photographer.
“Ooh a bad boy. I work with that. Go ahead. Get angry. Look mean. Grrrrr,” he purred. His camera went into overdrive. “Caro, darling, give me badass.” She leaned in with a hand on Cam’s chest and gave a seductive, almost bored look to the camera. “Ahh, yes, good. More, more badass.”
“What the Hell is going on!” Cam shouted. This display of anger only encouraged Sergei more. He continued snapping pictures.
Vala perked up, who had been lounging on a fake rock while Carolyn and Cam got the attention. “Congratulations, Mitchell. You’re my newest model!”
He turned his head behind him to look at her. “I’m gonna kill you, Mal Doran!”
Carolyn forcibly turned his head back to the camera. “Cam, this way.” Daniel started cracking up even more. Teal’c bore a rare smile of amusement.
“Teal’c,” Daniel said between fits of laughter, “How the hell did you get him here?”
“He was already at the home of Dr. Lam when I arrived.”
“You don’t say?” The archaeologist grinned. “Our little boy is growing up.”
Teal’c smiled. “Indeed.”
The two women who had posed earlier appeared in new bikinis. Castle, who had been shy around Daniel, instantly gravitated toward Teal’c. She looped an arm around his. “Hi, Teal’c,” she greeted seductively. The Jaffa looked down and regarded her strangely. He tilted his head in response.
Lyden was engrossed in the latest photo shoot. She bit her lip. “Vala!” she pretended to whine.
Vala peeked out from behind Cam and Carolyn. She hadn’t left her position on the fake rock. “Yes?”
“I’m getting jealous!”
Sergei stopped snapping long enough to say, “Then come in, my darling. Join them! Threesomes are sexier! Vala-bear, let them have moment!”
Major Lyden quickly switched places with Vala, who had no problem being kicked out of the photo shoot. Sergei instructed her to lean in on Mitchell’s other side, creating a symmetrical juxtoposition of male and female. Cam glared at her, but she took it in stride. Carolyn’s mere presence told her that even Landry should be okay with this. He hoped. It was only for fun anyway.
Vala, meanwhile, had disappeared into the changing room. Within seconds she was calling out, “Daniel!”
“What!”
“I need you!”
He groaned and uncrossed his arms. “For what!”
“Just get in here!”
He protested as he walked the few steps to the entrance. She was standing in front of the mirror, back toward him, and twisting to get at the knot he had made in her top. “What did you do to this frelling thing?” she complained.
“I tied it. Like you asked me to.”
“Well, now, untie it. I can’t get it off.”
“I don’t understand how you of all people can’t get out of a simple knot.” Daniel moved behind her to work at the knot. “Geez, Vala, what did you do to this thing?” He had trouble untangling the mess of strings.
“It’s not my fault. You tied it. Blame yourself.”
He fiddled with the strings more until they finally fell away. “There.” The rest of the material fell with the strings to the floor, leaving Vala exposed. “Gah!” He jumped and turned away before he could see anything. He shut his eyes tight as a precaution.
Soon, he heard her voice from the other part of the room. “Don’t leave yet. I need your help putting this one on.” When he looked, she was already at the garment rack holding up a very provocative bikini. Her back was to him so he didn’t see her breasts. What his eyes did see, though, was the very BDSM-looking swim suit. It was black with belts and buckles that would serve no purpose in the water but to reduce one’s buoyancy.
She covered her breasts with one hand and turned around. Her expression was blank. Innocent, even. His, was, well, shocked.
He loosened his shirt collar. That’s it. He was in for it.
“Jackson!” Cam shouted angrily from over the top of the walls. “I’m gonna kill you! And your little pirate, too!”
Back to Part 3...
Part: 4 of ?
Rating: T
Chapter 4
“So I was wondering if you’d like to join us on our next photo shoot,” she said casually over the phone. Vala had called Daniel at home, just before he was about to go to bed.
“Uhhh… why?” He cradled the cordless phone between his neck and cheek as he tried to pull off his socks. Daniel ended up hopping up and down, finally making it to the bed.
“You’re the one who gets mad at me for not telling you things,” she accused.
“That doesn’t mean I want to participate in your latest scheme.” Daniel plopped down on top of his covers and stretched out. He placed his glasses on the bedside table.
She guffawed and sounded insulted. “Contrary to your great mind’s assumptions, this is not a scheme! It is a perfectly legitimate business venture.”
“Vala, ‘legitimate’ entails getting a license from the government. Charging taxes on your sales. Paying taxes!”
“Darling, my services to your government should be payment enough.”
Daniel grumbled.
“And besides…” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “This is one of those ‘under-the-table’ type things. I’m sure you’ve never heard of it.”
He brought a hand to his forehead and smacked himself slightly. “I know what that means. I’m not completely ignorant you know.”
“Good. Then you’ll be the perfect accountant.”
“What?”
“I need someone to look after my books, Darling. You’re the perfect candidate.”
“Books? What books?”
“The kind that involve money.”
“Oh of course, the only kind that you like.” She harumphed, but he paid her sound of disapproval no mind. “And why exactly do I get offered such an honorable position within your sham of a company?” he said mockingly.
“Well, for one, you’re pretty smart for a Tau’ri. And two, I need someone I can trust to make sure my money is in all the right places.”
“Golly gee, I’m flattered,” he replied with a sarcastic tone.
She ignored it. “Daniel, please! Come to my photo shoot, and I’ll have everything ready for you there. It’ll be easy!”
“Go ask Mitchell!”
“I already did. He said he’s busy.”
Dammit, why didn’t I say that? “Vala, you’re a big girl. I know you can add.”
“But I don’t have time! Between all the cutting and sewing and modeling and selling and marketing, I haven’t any left to track my finances!” she whined.
“I do not want to be roped in to another one of your crazy shenanigans. I’ve already been looking over my shoulder for Landry since you cooked this up.”
“But Daniel… I need you!” The emphasis she put on the word ‘need’ made him pause. She’d never said that out loud before. Granted, she had never started a bikini business that required the tracking of large sums of money before. But still.
He groaned. She had him now. “Okay,” he mumbled.
Vala squealed in delight. “Tomorrow, meet me at this address…” she said, rattling off an address in the city. “0900 hours, sharp! I’ll be there with Teal’c. And I’ll bring all my receipts!”
“Fine,” he grumbled.
“Have a good night, Darling,” she said cheerfully. She hung up, leaving Daniel wondering how exactly she had conned him into this one.
000
His morning was not off to a good start. Aside from spilling coffee on himself, he had also made the wrong exit off the freeway and had had to double back. Once at the address, he found there was very little parking available. He grumbled to himself the entire four block walk to his destination.
By the time he arrived in the warehouse where the photo shoot was, he was twenty minutes late. The steel door had nothing but its street number painted on it. No sign to indicate what this place was supposed to be. It was unlocked, so he entered. Daniel stuck his hands into his pockets as he walked down the lonely corridor he found. Someone had haphazardly put up some walls to separate the large building into sections. The drywall hadn’t even been painted over.
At the end of the hall was a curtain. When he pushed it aside, he could already see the photographer at work in a large open space. He couldn’t see anyone else, though. The wall to his right extended from the curtain about twenty more feet. A simple opening had been cut out of the drywall to act as a door. It, too, was covered by a simple curtain. He could hear rustling from within that makeshift room. Beyond that was the target of the photographer’s constant snap-snap-snap, just around the corner of the room.
“Beautiful, darling,” he called out in an accented voice. “Just like that.” Click, click, click. “Give me a little smile. Yes. That’s it…”
Daniel had paused just inside the curtain. Eventually, the photographer turned his head and eyed him. He stared so long Daniel was beginning to wonder if there was something in his teeth. The man seemed to consider him, then settle on something.
“You, come here, now,” he commanded.
Daniel’s eyes widened. Obviously there was no one else around, so he assumed that the photographer was talking to him. He stepped forward an inch.
“Come, come, don’t be shy. You are late, but we will make work, yes?” The photographer walked over and pulled on Daniel’s arm. Soon they were within sight of the photo shoot itself. Two women were clad in bikinis and leaning on some fake rocks. A false backdrop of a beach at sunset stood behind them.
Daniel’s eyes widened when he saw them. “Lt. Castle?”
The woman on the left, in a yellow two-piece, gasped. “Dr. Jackson?”
The woman on the right, another familiar face, bit her lip. “Well, when Vala said we’d have inspiration, she wasn’t kidding.”
“Major Lyden?” The woman waved saucily at him. She almost seemed eager.
“Good, good, good, you know each other. Now, remove shirt,” the photographer demanded of Daniel.
“Uhh… what?”
“Remove shirt! This is a beach. You must look like it! Ugh, and what terrible pants. Take those off, too!”
Daniel looked down at his jeans, then back up, outraged. “No!”
Behind him, Vala peeked her head out of the curtain. Her eyes went wide. She ran out wearing nothing but a towel and waving her free hand. “Sergei, Darling! This isn’t the model I was promising you. He’s my…” Vala stopped next to Daniel. “…assistant!”
“Excuse me?” Daniel said, turning toward her with annoyance.
“Then where is model?”
“I’m working on it…”
“I need a male model, Vala-bear. These women need eye candy. They need sexy!”
“Vala-bear?” Daniel repeated with skepticism. She looked up at him with a sheepish grin.
She turned back to her photographer. “Patience, Sergei. Work with what you have. Isn’t that what you’re so good at?”
The photographer harumphed, camera hanging from his neck above his crossed arms. He released those arms to gesture wildly. “This one,” he said, pointing at Daniel, “is perfect! If he is assistant, then make him assist!”
“What the hell is he talking about, Vala?” Daniel demanded.
“Shhh, let me handle this,” she whispered. In a louder voice, she addressed Sergei as she walked toward him. “Darling, you know I wouldn’t lie to you. You’ll have your sexy male model, but you must be patient! You know as well as I do that it takes time to line up an appropriately talented male figure.” She turned him back toward the girls as she sweet-talked him. “Just look at these two.” Vala lowered her voice. “They’ve already caught a glimpse of my darling little assistant over there. Can’t you tell they’re just oozing with harmones now?”
Sergei cocked his head and stared at the two women. A slow smile dawned on his face. “Yesss, I see. Ah, Vala-bear, you are genius!”
She grinned back. “I try. Now back to work!” The photographer continued his efforts with renewed vigor.
Vala walked toward Daniel, keeping the towel held up around her with one hand. “I’m starting to think it’s Sergei that wants a hot male model to look at more than he needs our girls to.” She quirked a smile. “I think he’s a lesbian.”
“You mean gay?”
“Sure, whatever.”
Daniel looked up at the ceiling, searching for reprieve from this madness. “Vala, why am I really here?”
She turned on the sweet, innocent Vala look. “Because you’re a good friend who supports the people in his life, no matter what the circumstances?”
He crossed his arms, waiting for a better answer.
“Okay, okay. So I had more in mind when I called. I would have been able to explain the whole situation to you if you’d been here on time.”
“You had me on the phone last night. You didn’t think to explain then?”
“Daniel, then you wouldn’t have bothered to show up here at all. I couldn’t do that, silly.”
He rolled his eyes, making sure she could see his annoyance.
She grabbed his arm and led him back toward the curtained room. “Look, I do need your help. And I have a better job for you. No adding or subtracting skills required!”
“Oh god, what now?”
“Well I haven’t been a goddess in a long time. But if you want to start thinking of me as one, that can be arranged,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Not you!” She gave him a cheeky grin. Daniel grunted. How this woman frustrated him so easily was a real mystery. Worse than the ‘meaning of life’ stuff.
She led him inside of the room with a simple pull of the curtain. There was a large full-length mirror to one side and a couple of chairs scattered about. A rolling garment rack was filled with bikinis of various styles and colors. Daniel recognized a few of them from the pictures. Otherwise the room was sparse. The walls consisted of nothing more than cheap drywall that didn’t even reach the ceiling. The sounds of Sergei encouraging the girls to look and feel sexy echoed in from the opening. He could hear the distinct click, snap, click of the camera.
Vala turned her back on Daniel and threw her towel onto a nearby chair. Thankfully, she had her bottoms on. But it seemed that her top, which was a very small tube, was falling off. “Darling, tie me up.”
He hesitated.
“Daniel!” He stepped forward and grabbed the loose strings that would hold up her bandeau bikini top.
“This is why I’m here!? To help you get dressed?” The irritation was clear in his tone. He tightened the strings.
“Ouch, too tight. Loosen it up a bit.”
He did so, but not without audible grumbles of complaint. Daniel tied the strings and secured them with boy scout knots so there would be no danger of her top ever falling off. That was the last thing he needed right now.
“Where the Hell is Teal’c?”
“Oh he’ll be back. It seems that Carolyn slept in this morning. I sent him to go fetch her.”
“Great. So I’m Carolyn’s replacement?”
“Just until she gets here!”
“Anything else I should know about?”
Vala turned around to face him and put her hands on her hips. “Hmmm.” The time she took to think gave Daniel a chance to survey her latest bikini. It was green with small white polkadots. With her bikini top being so... miniature… he had plans to ban her from ever trying to swim, or weild a gun, in that number. It was sure to fall off, boy scout knots be damned.
“Vala-bear! Get out here, now. Your turn!”
“Oh!” She jumped. “I’m up.” She hustled past Daniel and out into the photo shoot.
Before he could exit, the two other models were walking in. Castle seemed a little shy, but Lyden found the prospect of Daniel being in there exciting. Her grin showed it. “So,” she started, “when do we get to take pictures with you?”
His mouth dropped open. “Ahh, err… I think Vala needs my help.” He swiftly made his way out the exit.
Daniel shook his head. This was insane. Issue him a crazy card, insane. He leaned on the corner of the makeshift changing room and watched as Sergei called out to Vala to try different poses. The whole thing was like one big joke that she seemed to be taking a little too seriously. He observed as she twisted her body this way and that, leaning on the rock, then not leaning on the rock. Biting her lip. Smiling. Looking dangerous. All sorts of poses. And all with the encouragement of ‘Sergei, the gay photographer.’ Daniel’s head was spinning.
Noises from behind him were a welcome distraction.
“Oh. My. God.” He turned around. Mitchell was standing there, open-mouthed, staring at Sergei. Carolyn and Teal’c were with him. “Teal’c, what the hell did you bring me to?”
“Is it not obvious, Colonel Mitchell?”
“I better get changed,” Carolyn muttered. She disappeared into the changing room.
“Cam, did Vala con you into coming here, too?”
Mitchell finally noticed Daniel and scoffed. “No! I was dragged here by the big guy against my will!” He turned to Teal’c. “You told me you needed back-up!”
“Indeed it was true before the arrival of Daniel Jackson. I feared that he would not make an appearance.”
Mitchell turned on a dangerous glare at Jackson. It seemed to radiate, ‘Your fault.’ Daniel just squinted with a dirty look of his own, not enjoying the situation much either.
Sergei paused in his constant camera clicking and stared at Cameron. Just as he did with Daniel, he studied him. Then he smiled. “Vala-bear! You really have good taste.” He gestured toward Cam. “Come, come! Time to begin!”
Mitchell looked from Teal’c to Daniel, not quite understanding what was being expected of him. Teal’c donned a typical, blank Jaffa look while Daniel shrugged. Internally, though, the archaeologist was starting to enjoy not being Vala’s only victim today.
“Ay, why you so shy? No need. You’re handsome. Take off shirt and let’s start!”
“Is he talking to me?”
“Yep,” Daniel replied.
“Hell no!”
“Cam!” Carolyn shouted. She had appeared in a bright red bikini, the very same one she had accidentally modeled for Daniel and Cam a few weeks ago. It had a dainty little bow placed just under her belly button. “Don’t be rude,” she chastised.
He pointed at her. “Hey, isn’t that…”
She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the scene where Vala was. The founder of all this mayhem finally had a chance to see Cam’s face. “Hi, Mitchell! So glad you could come!”
Carolyn grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off with ease.
“What the… woman!”
“Oh come on, you weren’t this shy last night,” she commented. Daniel started laughing.
Mitchell sent him a warning glance while being harrassed by Carolyn.
“Oooh,” Sergei cooed, obviously impressed with Cam’s physique. “Very good. Very, very good.” He started snapping pictures.
“Wha… hey! Stop that!” Mitchell yelled at the photographer.
“Ooh a bad boy. I work with that. Go ahead. Get angry. Look mean. Grrrrr,” he purred. His camera went into overdrive. “Caro, darling, give me badass.” She leaned in with a hand on Cam’s chest and gave a seductive, almost bored look to the camera. “Ahh, yes, good. More, more badass.”
“What the Hell is going on!” Cam shouted. This display of anger only encouraged Sergei more. He continued snapping pictures.
Vala perked up, who had been lounging on a fake rock while Carolyn and Cam got the attention. “Congratulations, Mitchell. You’re my newest model!”
He turned his head behind him to look at her. “I’m gonna kill you, Mal Doran!”
Carolyn forcibly turned his head back to the camera. “Cam, this way.” Daniel started cracking up even more. Teal’c bore a rare smile of amusement.
“Teal’c,” Daniel said between fits of laughter, “How the hell did you get him here?”
“He was already at the home of Dr. Lam when I arrived.”
“You don’t say?” The archaeologist grinned. “Our little boy is growing up.”
Teal’c smiled. “Indeed.”
The two women who had posed earlier appeared in new bikinis. Castle, who had been shy around Daniel, instantly gravitated toward Teal’c. She looped an arm around his. “Hi, Teal’c,” she greeted seductively. The Jaffa looked down and regarded her strangely. He tilted his head in response.
Lyden was engrossed in the latest photo shoot. She bit her lip. “Vala!” she pretended to whine.
Vala peeked out from behind Cam and Carolyn. She hadn’t left her position on the fake rock. “Yes?”
“I’m getting jealous!”
Sergei stopped snapping long enough to say, “Then come in, my darling. Join them! Threesomes are sexier! Vala-bear, let them have moment!”
Major Lyden quickly switched places with Vala, who had no problem being kicked out of the photo shoot. Sergei instructed her to lean in on Mitchell’s other side, creating a symmetrical juxtoposition of male and female. Cam glared at her, but she took it in stride. Carolyn’s mere presence told her that even Landry should be okay with this. He hoped. It was only for fun anyway.
Vala, meanwhile, had disappeared into the changing room. Within seconds she was calling out, “Daniel!”
“What!”
“I need you!”
He groaned and uncrossed his arms. “For what!”
“Just get in here!”
He protested as he walked the few steps to the entrance. She was standing in front of the mirror, back toward him, and twisting to get at the knot he had made in her top. “What did you do to this frelling thing?” she complained.
“I tied it. Like you asked me to.”
“Well, now, untie it. I can’t get it off.”
“I don’t understand how you of all people can’t get out of a simple knot.” Daniel moved behind her to work at the knot. “Geez, Vala, what did you do to this thing?” He had trouble untangling the mess of strings.
“It’s not my fault. You tied it. Blame yourself.”
He fiddled with the strings more until they finally fell away. “There.” The rest of the material fell with the strings to the floor, leaving Vala exposed. “Gah!” He jumped and turned away before he could see anything. He shut his eyes tight as a precaution.
Soon, he heard her voice from the other part of the room. “Don’t leave yet. I need your help putting this one on.” When he looked, she was already at the garment rack holding up a very provocative bikini. Her back was to him so he didn’t see her breasts. What his eyes did see, though, was the very BDSM-looking swim suit. It was black with belts and buckles that would serve no purpose in the water but to reduce one’s buoyancy.
She covered her breasts with one hand and turned around. Her expression was blank. Innocent, even. His, was, well, shocked.
He loosened his shirt collar. That’s it. He was in for it.
“Jackson!” Cam shouted angrily from over the top of the walls. “I’m gonna kill you! And your little pirate, too!”
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