And here we go yet again.
Yet again I find myself unable to sleep at 4 in the morning due to all the troubles that I never seem to feel durring the day. This has been going on for too long now....the lack of sleep....is really starting to get to me. I am not thinking clearly in school...I am not eating much....just no appitite. If I keep going at th is rate I am going to fall apart. All I ate today was a single pack of ramen...and yet I have no desire to eat more than that. *sighs*
I know most of you are sick of listening to these depressed ravings of mine. Feel free to skip on and ignore it.
And the worst of it is, I am still feeling like this despite the fact that these have been a couple of really good days. I recently found a Shin Megami Tensei MB, and have been posting very activly there. I have made several new friends to confer with on IM programs, and here on LJ. And despite the fact that we have only known each other for a mater of a couple of days, we already have a very open and honest friendship. I know you guys are reading this, and know who you are. I really appreciate everything.
And yet despite this I remain depressed every evening to the point where I cant sleep. If I keep going on these 4 hour of sleep nights, I am gonna burn out really fast. As odd as it sounds, I have gotten too old for it. I cant stay up all hours and get by on 3 hours of sleep like I used to.
My depression is startnig to show in other areas as well. The apartment is a mses....empty cans on teh desk, I haven't done the dishes in 3 days, some grocerys I bought yeterday still sitting on the table and not put away. My laundry I brought home from my parrents on Saturday still sitting in the basket, waiting to be hung up. Damn. DAMN!!
Money is starting to get really tight. Today I sold my DS and its games for cash at Gamestop, which I then promptly put into my checknig account. I get another check from my dad this week. And now I have to buy a lot of essentials. I am almost out of TP, dish soap, paper towels, shaving cream, I need to buy blades for my razor. I need to get gas, and I need to get something into my system other than ramen. I got a rare treat this weekend due to a sale at schnuks and was able to ahve some microwaveable pizza. God talk about celebrating little things.
If I dont find something soon I am gonan start falling behind on my bills, and that is the last thing I need. *sighs* I just dont know what to do...I feel lost.
I think I am gonna dedicate tomorrow to doing things that will make me feel better. Clean up the apartment, dust, vaccumm, mop, do the dishes. Take an hour or two and get this place back to its normal condition. Then I will go to the delarship and get the webpage updated again. Plus my dad said he was going to find me some extra work to do at the delarship. I feel terrible about it. I HATE relying on my dad for income. I shouldnt be doing it. That is why I dont look into getting into selling cars, I dont want to rely on my dad for a job.
I am gonna stop rambling now. Anyone that took the time to read this. Thanks. A special shout out to my new friends Brand, Shun, Aries, and Reba. Thanks for all the support you have given me these last few days.....that is most of what has kept me in one piece.
Good night.
I know most of you are sick of listening to these depressed ravings of mine. Feel free to skip on and ignore it.
And the worst of it is, I am still feeling like this despite the fact that these have been a couple of really good days. I recently found a Shin Megami Tensei MB, and have been posting very activly there. I have made several new friends to confer with on IM programs, and here on LJ. And despite the fact that we have only known each other for a mater of a couple of days, we already have a very open and honest friendship. I know you guys are reading this, and know who you are. I really appreciate everything.
And yet despite this I remain depressed every evening to the point where I cant sleep. If I keep going on these 4 hour of sleep nights, I am gonna burn out really fast. As odd as it sounds, I have gotten too old for it. I cant stay up all hours and get by on 3 hours of sleep like I used to.
My depression is startnig to show in other areas as well. The apartment is a mses....empty cans on teh desk, I haven't done the dishes in 3 days, some grocerys I bought yeterday still sitting on the table and not put away. My laundry I brought home from my parrents on Saturday still sitting in the basket, waiting to be hung up. Damn. DAMN!!
Money is starting to get really tight. Today I sold my DS and its games for cash at Gamestop, which I then promptly put into my checknig account. I get another check from my dad this week. And now I have to buy a lot of essentials. I am almost out of TP, dish soap, paper towels, shaving cream, I need to buy blades for my razor. I need to get gas, and I need to get something into my system other than ramen. I got a rare treat this weekend due to a sale at schnuks and was able to ahve some microwaveable pizza. God talk about celebrating little things.
If I dont find something soon I am gonan start falling behind on my bills, and that is the last thing I need. *sighs* I just dont know what to do...I feel lost.
I think I am gonna dedicate tomorrow to doing things that will make me feel better. Clean up the apartment, dust, vaccumm, mop, do the dishes. Take an hour or two and get this place back to its normal condition. Then I will go to the delarship and get the webpage updated again. Plus my dad said he was going to find me some extra work to do at the delarship. I feel terrible about it. I HATE relying on my dad for income. I shouldnt be doing it. That is why I dont look into getting into selling cars, I dont want to rely on my dad for a job.
I am gonna stop rambling now. Anyone that took the time to read this. Thanks. A special shout out to my new friends Brand, Shun, Aries, and Reba. Thanks for all the support you have given me these last few days.....that is most of what has kept me in one piece.
Good night.