inadequacy
first rehearsal.
i'm so dismayed.
I don't even want to talk about it.
It's sick, you know that i could feel so inadequate. I feel worthless at rehearsal. I don't feel apart of anything and frankly i don't want to be part of something that is so fake. So primped and fancied to the point that it just isn't real. I hate everyone there. I don't know if it's just because i'm so resentful or if i really do hate everyone. I'm so nauseated by everyone and everything they say and do.
We sat in a circle on the stage. I moved my chair out of that circle. I don't belong in that circle and i don't want to be apart of that circle. I feel nothing inside and it's changing me into someone i don't even recognize. I just don't believe in myself anymore.
I drove home tonight thinking about all the things i can't do right and then at the end i had to add theatre to that list.
i want it to be all over, for good.
i'm so dismayed.
I don't even want to talk about it.
It's sick, you know that i could feel so inadequate. I feel worthless at rehearsal. I don't feel apart of anything and frankly i don't want to be part of something that is so fake. So primped and fancied to the point that it just isn't real. I hate everyone there. I don't know if it's just because i'm so resentful or if i really do hate everyone. I'm so nauseated by everyone and everything they say and do.
We sat in a circle on the stage. I moved my chair out of that circle. I don't belong in that circle and i don't want to be apart of that circle. I feel nothing inside and it's changing me into someone i don't even recognize. I just don't believe in myself anymore.
I drove home tonight thinking about all the things i can't do right and then at the end i had to add theatre to that list.
i want it to be all over, for good.