(no subject)
lalala~
school's starting tomorrow and i dont feel like going to school.
not that i do not want to study... its just that i dont want to get my results back.
cos i know ive not done well. really. 전짜로.
i think i will just breakdown if i get my results tomorrow.
it's just unthinkable.
bad news aside, this weekend has been rather fruitful.
had fun, and had work done ((:
on friday i went out with the girls to watch The Time Traveller's Wife
and was sadly bawling my eyes out cos i felt that it was sad, and that i could relate to it.
scenes that made people giggle/laugh a little made me sadder.
cos there was a deeper meaning to it, imo. in an ironical sense.
lol, and my friends thought that i was bored to death watching the movie,
cos i was sitting towards the front of my seat for most of the show and resting my head on my palms.
but i did that so that others would not see me crying. and i could wipe my tears.
and i was super near sobbing. i had the urge to just rush out of the theatre to bawl my heart out.
my chest was stuffy, really stuffy. and my throat was about to give way from keeping my sobbings.
which part of the story made me cry?
i cant really remember properly. but as i closed my eyes to think about it just a few moments ago,
it was the scene when he had to leave his mum after going back in time and meeting her in the subway.
when he left the train, it was so heartwrenching.
it was even worse when the father scolded him, "who would want to marry you?"
it was such a bad insult from a dad to a child, i couldnt help but feel sorry for him.
no child deserves to be insulted by their parents in such a way. no-one.
when he went back in time to visit his wife when she was just a teenager after he had done vasectomy, out of desperation.
he was so helpless. all he wanted was for things to go back to normal.
i didnt feel much when the wife had miscarriages.
it was brought over in such a way that i didnt feel life in the baby.
i couldnt feel for the young life in her.
when he went ahead in time to meet his daughter, i cried again.
she told him about the sadness that his now widowed wife has to deal with.
how a child has to deal with the world, without a father.
i cannot imagine that happening to me.
and then him knowing that he would die during his daughter's 5th birthday.
the movie showed the baby girl slowly growing.
taking her first crawl, first steps, running around and having birthday parties.
it was really a good scene.
i cried there again. it touches my heart whenever i see parents taking care of their children.
or when i see a child growing up under the parents' tender loving care.
then the 5th birthday comes.
and i swear i just continued crying from then on.
i couldnt stop.
everything. EVERYTHING. everything was so sad.
not wanting to tell the wife.
knowing exactly when he will die.
holding on to his beloved ones as he peacefully passed on.
saying that he loves her so much, and that that is all he cares about.
i was on the verge of hyperventilating. i tried my very best to not breathe through my mouth.
shouldnt be heard. cannot be heard.
the closing sentence.
it's like he's never gone. it's as if he's there forever.
i cried again. i couldnt believe that everything just ended like that.
and i bent down and tried to wipe my tears as the credits rolled out.
then joce had to ask "are you okay"
i was just 1mm away from bawling.
it was right at my throat already.
i wanted to cry really badly. its been a long time since ive cried that badly.
but i had to hold it back.
but seriously, at the back of my mind. all i could think of was "jay park jaebeom"
i really want him back, very badly.
i understand that we have to give him time, but it really pains my heart to know that such a thing has occurred.
i really wish that none of this had happened.
it's like he has left a legacy, he has left with us so many things that belong to him.
and just went away like that.
none of this should have happened. i really wish i could turn back time.
all of the time and effort that he has made.... just gone.
i really really hope that jay will come back someday.
and im waiting for that day to come. many people are..