moment of disbelief
hmm. i feel the need to post all my thoughts.
i swear my heart broke into pieces yesterday.
i'm not sure if i can ever take such news again.
i hope i wont have to, ever.
from a moment of disbelief, to the blunt feeling of having your stabbed.
i couldnt control my emotions.
i broke out into tears when i saw the word "last message"
i didnt dare to read on. i was afraid, and i was almost hyperventilating.
i was telling myself, "noooooooooooo. this must be a joke"
unfortunately, it isnt a joke.
leader jay said "i will be leaving 2pm"
it was even funny, i was truly headdesking.
i couldnt believe it happened.
after all the apologies from jay and the support from HOTTESTS, he left.
i panicked.
i had no idea what to do. i felt so helpless.
i was stuck at that post for 5mins.
within that time, so many memories flowed back to me.
the very first time i saw 2pm on music bank on kbsworld.
hell with it, i couldnt even remember their faces then.
but all i remember was that i loved their dance.
it was just coincidental that i saw them on tv.
then i went to download their music.
but i still wasnt a fan then.
however as news of 2pm coming to singapore to perform spread,
i was excited as hell. totally ecstatic.
i went to visit their official site. i tried remembering all their names.
i remember i had trouble trying to differentiate wooyoung and junho.
and that i would always leave wooyoung out when im remembering their names.
but man, did jaebum leave a great impression on me.
it was an easy piece of cake to remember him, and he was so prominent.
he stood out from the team. i didnt even know that he has an english name.
talk about language similarities making things easier, its irrelevant here.
as time slowly approached, i still wasnt sure that i would be going for the concert due to the lack of tickets.
but i was gradually hooked onto 2pm.
even though i didnt look at their videos cos there was too much dbsk at that point of time,
i listened to their music everyday.
i even tried to learn taec's rap in Only You.
during a field trip to some Military Academy on 22nd October, i was even playing 10/10 while sitting around.
i was hooked onto them, real bad. i was really proud of 2pm them. i was happy that i knew 2pm.
even my indian friend knew the vital lyrics to the song "shibjeom man jeome shibjeom"
i dont know how it happened. but tese 7 guys made me happy.
a few days later, it was the day of the concert.
i still wasnt sure if i could go to the concert and i was feeling rather gloomy.
i tried to comfort myself by listening to 2pm while going to school for a full-day choir practice.
i think God was on my side, but i received a missed call from my friend just 30min before practice ended.
it was around 6.30pm i remember.
by the time i got onto the mrt, it was already seven plus.
it was 7.19pm when i smsed milton about the tickets.
jiayi collected the tickets for me in the end.
and i also met a few fans from malaysia who were there to see 2pm also and we shared a cab,
cos there were too many people trying to cab there
plus, traffic jam. and i was still in my school uniform.
i had to be the most prominent person at the concert venue.
as soon as 2pm came out, i was screaming my lungs out.
i sang along with them.
i did a "whoa" sound when taec sang his "dwit moseubi" action in the second verse.
i was thrilled. when jay started to rap. ((:
i was smitten by him.
after they performed 10/10. they had a VERY short break before coming back to perform Only You.
in the mean time, junsu spoke to the audience. i couldnt understand a word, but i was happy just listening.
and i also couldnt be sure that it was junsu who was speaking then.
but i really appreciated the fact he spoke a little bit of english at the end.
although it got cut off by MTV PRODUCTIONS in the tv telecast.
the fans there heard it. THANKYOU SO MUCH JUNSU.
they performed Only You and i melted yet again.
the dance break at the end, it was just amazing.
i never dreamed that i would see them dance that in front of my eyes.
after the concert, we werent exactly stalking anyone.
but just bumping our luck cos we were so high and didnt want to leave yet.
anyway, while waiting for the public bus to arrive, the 2pm bus went past the bus station that i was at.
and the bus even stopped there, cos uhm, there was another public bus in front.
surprisingly, chansung was there on the bus, looking down at my friend and i. (and the other fans most probably)
i was totally shocked. i couldnt do much but smile back at him and waved.
as the bus left, i waved even harder.
such a magical moment.
i think i saw jay too, but the chansung look was too intense i forgot about jay.
and they were gona. the following days were spent fangirling at home.
i wasnt into the stalking business, and simply had no idea how to.
when i went to japan, i happily saved the winter version of only you into my phone as well.
to keep myself entertained.
as the new year approached, academic work took over again.
but the teasers that 2pm_yt uploaded made me all excited again.
i felt extreme excitement waiting for their comeback.
many things happened during their comeback.
performances. mnet scandal. thailand promos. wild bunny.
i thought everything would end well with this week's last ep of wild bunny.
but it didnt happen.
things... just didnt take a better turn.
at a time like this, i would just say im rooting for jay all the way.
even though im disappointed that he just left like that, im sure he had his reasons.
as an adult, i believe that he has the ability to weigh the pros and cons
and know what's best for himself, the group and of course, HOTTESTS.
JAY, HOTTESTS ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU.
edit:
shit, i feel like crying now.
i wrote this post like on 26th july.2009.
just a month and a few days before all this happened.
the good old day... i cant bear to look at the entries.
they make me break down T_T dayum.