Reflection

[mjustinem]

I've now been home for almost 2 months, and i just spent a couple minutes looking over the few passages I included in this livejournal while I was gone, and I realized how horrible they were. It really seems as if I sugarcoated the whole AmeriCorps experience. I believe I just went through one of the most challenging years of my life thus far. Spiritually, emotionally, physically - I was pushed to the limit. I was challenged to the point where I thought I couldn't take it anymore - and then I was pushed some more - but I loved it. In that process where I felt like I was going to break, I learned to let go of my pride. I never realized how self-centered I was and it made me sick and angry at myself. Yet being able to serve - to actually say to myself "This is not about you" every morning was so absolutely humbling. This whole process painted a beautiful picture in my mind of the greatest sacrifice... and brought me so much closer to Him.
Now that I am home I am really struggling with feeling self centered again. I miss everything about AmeriCorps. Mosly, I miss the community and the common bond of my team to serve selflessly everyday... averaging 50 hour work weeks for the entire ten months - serving. My lifestyle seems as if it has taken a 180, and to be honest there was a point when I really didn't want to go to college. Why am I posting this in a livejournal? I don't know. Maybe because I just need let it out in some shape or form... AmeriCorps changed my life. I am a changed person... but I don't feel as if I am acting changed.
He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust. psalm 91:2