One year...
One year ago, the world lost not only its greatest entertainer, but one of its most beautiful souls as well.
It is so hard to believe it's been an entire year! The pain of his loss is still so fresh. :( But I'm so heartened that his legacy lives on and so grateful and happy that we all got to share the same lifetime as this incredible man, at least for a while. Future generations sadly will not have had that chance so I feel I and all of us who care about him in whatever capacity are so blessed in that way, though it hurts that it's no more. :( Even right now, I'm looking at all the various pictures, videos, tributes etc online from fans all over the world and it's still so hard to comprehend, even these 365 days later, after initially hearing the news, that it's so. Of course I know it in my head, intellectually...but in my heart? Sure, it's sunken in more than it did in those first few days and weeks, but I honestly don't ever think it'll ever feel fully "real". This wasn't supposed to happen. No, not to Michael. He was supposed to go to London and perform wildly successful and artistically invigorating shows, no, not for the money or to prove anything to any of the haters or critics...but because it was his moment. Dammit, he was supposed to be on top, supposed to be happy again. The career element was actually a very small part of it. He was supposed to be happy, after all the hell he'd been through, after being so unfairly judged by so many. This was his moment. But then..
I know everyone says this, but I'll truly never forget where I was or what I was doing when I heard the news, when one of the worst days of my life so far began.
I had just walked out of my Argumentation summer class at U of A. Walked out of the classroom and turned on my cellphone to find dozens of new texts and voice mails. I knew right then and there that something huge had happened, either in the world or in my personal/family life. I'd only hoped it was something good. Boy was I wrong..:(
Then I listened to a voice mail from my dear friend, Dana, telling me Michael had been taken to the hospital, that he had collapsed. I thought it was something similar to what happened when he was preparing for that show in NYC back in '95, that he was just dehydrated or something..that he would be okay, just rest, slow down a bit, maybe push back the TII a bit. I remember thinking "We'll all understand." But then came the news that it was a full blown cardiac arrest..and he had been found unresponsive. I remember feeling my heart almost literally drop in my chest. Then, I just knew..he had left :*(
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again
Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
...Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget...
I love you, Michael. Since I was 16 years old, you've been one of my biggest inspirations--and joys--in life. Through being your fan and supporting you, I've met some of the best friends I've ever had and had some of my most memorable and meaningful experiences of my life. In fact, you've helped shape me into the person I am--or at least strive to be--today, though I feel I am constantly learning by your example. I'm so happy and proud that I could share a lifetime with you, at least for awhile, and that I discovered you in my own little way I did and felt and appreciated your influence, long before it was "cool" or fashionable to again in our often fickle society, who seems to delight in building up, then trying to knock down phenomenal people such as yourself. But they didn't succeed, not really. Even though many constantly tried, literally to the day of your death to tear you apart, to erase you and your meaning from the collective consciousness..they failed. Though your life ended far too soon in the usual, literal sense, it didn't really end..not really. Your spirit lives on, not just in your music, but in your influence. I see new legions of fans, people who were barely walking when I became a fan, becoming inspired by your music, your legacy. I hear my 11 year old cousin proclaiming that "Beat It" is "one of the most awesome songs, ever written." I know that if I ever have children one day, they will (at least if I have anything to say about it:)) be saying many of the same things. And I can't help but picture you smiling, at the thought of it. Because no matter how many close minded, judgmental people out there tried to paint it in a perverse, sinister light, that's all you ever wanted. To see them smile.
Much love and peace to you, Michael Jackson, now and always.
August 29, 1958--June 25, 2009
Forever missed, loved, remembered and inspiring..
Dancin' in moonlight
I know you are free
Cuz' I can see your star
Shinin' down on me...
