I'm me. Who you? ...Oh Jesus... I'm sorry.
Oh, it's strange.
Something that I don't understand.
Just the way periods of time come and go throughout life. Phases. You know, that overall feeling of content or discontent that is currently governing your life. - They frequently change. Sometimes, I find myself in a two week period of absolute bliss. Every single hour of every single day feels promising. Smooth. The glass is half full. Even on a day that isn't quite going my way, I am not rattled. I am content with life, and view it and all it encompasses in a positive light.
And then, without warning, a shift. A disruption. Very, very subtle in the beginning. Feelings begin to mutate. Slowly, they are transformed from perfection to devestation. Catastrophe. This period always feels so much longer than the previous. Almost endless. It's like... constantly falling through an empty, pitch black abyss, without that awful roller coaster feeling in your stomach. You're frightened. Alone. Clawing at anything that feels like support.
But that fades too.
Sometimes into another period of utopia. And, the cycle is then repeated. - But other times, during strange years, you might find yourself straying into an emotionless period. Nothingness. And this can somehow be peaceful, especially if you're just recovering from that nightmare of a free fall. But you know it's not that good feeling. It's just nothing. And you'll take nothing, and absolutely love it.
For me, that's usually the summer phase. All my friends are home. I'm with the same great people every single night. And, I'm absolutely hammered literally every night. A crutch? Maybe. Or maybe, just a catalyst for nothingness. And we like nothingness, remember?
Needless to say, I haven't really drank anything since summer. - I'm gonna be twenty in April and I still haven't gone to Canada. I don't really care. It's not on my priority list. I quit smoking cigarettes almost a month ago, and I feel fucking amazing. I weighed 205 pounds in July, and I now weigh roughly 168. I play hockey 3-4 times every week, and I'm in the best shape I've been in since my junior year of high school. I have great friends, a great job, a lot of potential, and a fucking shit ton truck load of talent that I'm waiting to fucking unload onto everyone.
Basically, I'm the fucking man right now.
Call me conceited, I don't care. I don't give a fuck what you think. I don't give a fuck if you care or not. Because, right now, for the first time EVER, I'M the MOST IMPORTANT person in MY life! Nothing and no one comes before me (until I meet that next pretty girl I unintentially fall head over heals in love with...) and it's gonna stay that way until I see fit.
It felt really, really good to say that.
I'm sorry, that was slightly out of character.
I love you all. Take care of yourselves.
Something that I don't understand.
Just the way periods of time come and go throughout life. Phases. You know, that overall feeling of content or discontent that is currently governing your life. - They frequently change. Sometimes, I find myself in a two week period of absolute bliss. Every single hour of every single day feels promising. Smooth. The glass is half full. Even on a day that isn't quite going my way, I am not rattled. I am content with life, and view it and all it encompasses in a positive light.
And then, without warning, a shift. A disruption. Very, very subtle in the beginning. Feelings begin to mutate. Slowly, they are transformed from perfection to devestation. Catastrophe. This period always feels so much longer than the previous. Almost endless. It's like... constantly falling through an empty, pitch black abyss, without that awful roller coaster feeling in your stomach. You're frightened. Alone. Clawing at anything that feels like support.
But that fades too.
Sometimes into another period of utopia. And, the cycle is then repeated. - But other times, during strange years, you might find yourself straying into an emotionless period. Nothingness. And this can somehow be peaceful, especially if you're just recovering from that nightmare of a free fall. But you know it's not that good feeling. It's just nothing. And you'll take nothing, and absolutely love it.
For me, that's usually the summer phase. All my friends are home. I'm with the same great people every single night. And, I'm absolutely hammered literally every night. A crutch? Maybe. Or maybe, just a catalyst for nothingness. And we like nothingness, remember?
Needless to say, I haven't really drank anything since summer. - I'm gonna be twenty in April and I still haven't gone to Canada. I don't really care. It's not on my priority list. I quit smoking cigarettes almost a month ago, and I feel fucking amazing. I weighed 205 pounds in July, and I now weigh roughly 168. I play hockey 3-4 times every week, and I'm in the best shape I've been in since my junior year of high school. I have great friends, a great job, a lot of potential, and a fucking shit ton truck load of talent that I'm waiting to fucking unload onto everyone.
Basically, I'm the fucking man right now.
Call me conceited, I don't care. I don't give a fuck what you think. I don't give a fuck if you care or not. Because, right now, for the first time EVER, I'M the MOST IMPORTANT person in MY life! Nothing and no one comes before me (until I meet that next pretty girl I unintentially fall head over heals in love with...) and it's gonna stay that way until I see fit.
It felt really, really good to say that.
I'm sorry, that was slightly out of character.
I love you all. Take care of yourselves.