Memories/ Explanation/Paranoia
I used to sing to this song all the time when I was younger. I actually REMEMBER being about two sitting in my car seat and listening to Pat Benetar on the radio. Mom used to have her tape and I would listen to her all the time. I also have this strange memory of listening to "Black Velvet" and we were in the white camry; going to Laynette's up by BC, it was very hot that day, we were going to go over there and I was going to go swimming (in my floaties) and mom was going to lay out.
I know, strange memories. But oddly enough I don't recall the incident that has made me terrified of fireworks/fire. When mom and dad told me that when I was 21 months old they took me out to watch the fireworks at BC. Of course we were broke ass poor so we just had a picnic and watched from our blanket. Mom says that I was just sitting on the blanket minding my own business when a stupid ass threw one of those spinning fireworks on our blanket and it landed/exploded right in front of me. (I wasn't hurt, just scared as all hell) Of course my mom flipped grabbed me and nearly beat the shit out of the guy. Then; another incident involving fire, my mom PURPOSELY burned me with a match in her attempt to teach me not to touch them. I was tramatized from all these incidents.
She made fun of me last night for my fear of fireworks. Last night we had many illegals and one of the drunk men setting them off burned his hand. Badly. I still cringe. . .i hate the fourth of july.
But yes. . . I know my fear is for the most part, irrational. That because something happened 17 years ago I shouldn't be afraid. But, well, I am. It's not like I completely avoid fireworks, I mean, I love to watch them. I just would never set them off myself. I've had to take my little brother to the emergency room two 4th's in a row.
But yeah. My mood is scared correct? what am I scared about? I don't know, I have this inkling that something is going wrong. And I hate this. IS something wrong? I'm paranoid that I might have done something. Very paranoid. Am I too peppy? Too bubbly? Do I look too much like Olive Oyl? Shit. . . what could I have done?! *cries* I'm scared, and worried, and paranoid. What-if's run through my mind every second.
Is he thinking about me still? What if he met someone else? Is he all right? Is he alive? Is he healthy? Is he happy?
Paranoia. . .
Setting. . .
In. . .
Did I do something? Did I do something wrong?
These thoughts need to stop. I can't think this way. I'm sure things are all right. *crosses fingers* I hope things are all right. Maybe?
*screams*
I was searching for something, I had an idea what I was searching for. And I found it, I found all that I have ever wanted. The possiblites.
I'm thisclose to selling the Mustang, buying the Toyota across the street and using the rest of the money to move.
Sanity is going out the window. Paranoia is taking over.
I need to end this, but my thoughts will continue like this unless I busy myself. Must. Busy. Myself.
I know, strange memories. But oddly enough I don't recall the incident that has made me terrified of fireworks/fire. When mom and dad told me that when I was 21 months old they took me out to watch the fireworks at BC. Of course we were broke ass poor so we just had a picnic and watched from our blanket. Mom says that I was just sitting on the blanket minding my own business when a stupid ass threw one of those spinning fireworks on our blanket and it landed/exploded right in front of me. (I wasn't hurt, just scared as all hell) Of course my mom flipped grabbed me and nearly beat the shit out of the guy. Then; another incident involving fire, my mom PURPOSELY burned me with a match in her attempt to teach me not to touch them. I was tramatized from all these incidents.
She made fun of me last night for my fear of fireworks. Last night we had many illegals and one of the drunk men setting them off burned his hand. Badly. I still cringe. . .i hate the fourth of july.
But yes. . . I know my fear is for the most part, irrational. That because something happened 17 years ago I shouldn't be afraid. But, well, I am. It's not like I completely avoid fireworks, I mean, I love to watch them. I just would never set them off myself. I've had to take my little brother to the emergency room two 4th's in a row.
But yeah. My mood is scared correct? what am I scared about? I don't know, I have this inkling that something is going wrong. And I hate this. IS something wrong? I'm paranoid that I might have done something. Very paranoid. Am I too peppy? Too bubbly? Do I look too much like Olive Oyl? Shit. . . what could I have done?! *cries* I'm scared, and worried, and paranoid. What-if's run through my mind every second.
Is he thinking about me still? What if he met someone else? Is he all right? Is he alive? Is he healthy? Is he happy?
Paranoia. . .
Setting. . .
In. . .
Did I do something? Did I do something wrong?
These thoughts need to stop. I can't think this way. I'm sure things are all right. *crosses fingers* I hope things are all right. Maybe?
*screams*
I was searching for something, I had an idea what I was searching for. And I found it, I found all that I have ever wanted. The possiblites.
I'm thisclose to selling the Mustang, buying the Toyota across the street and using the rest of the money to move.
Sanity is going out the window. Paranoia is taking over.
I need to end this, but my thoughts will continue like this unless I busy myself. Must. Busy. Myself.