I'm Being Stalked By The AARP
I don't feel old. Or at least I didn't until my birthday last year when something horrifying happened. AARP cards began to mysteriously appear in my mailbox. WTF?
They offer...I don't know...stuff. Some kind of discounts. Not like I'm opening these things. It's the friggin' AARP. They may as well be posting prunes.
And yet the AARP cards keep piling up. I think "If I open one, will they know and stop sending them?" In my reality, I'm worried these cards are like Swiffer dust mops. Swipe a Swiffer across your floor and you collect dust. If I open one of these envelopes, they will catch wrinkles out of thin air and slam them onto my face. Not taking the chance.
DISCLAIMER: Whatever.
They offer...I don't know...stuff. Some kind of discounts. Not like I'm opening these things. It's the friggin' AARP. They may as well be posting prunes.
And yet the AARP cards keep piling up. I think "If I open one, will they know and stop sending them?" In my reality, I'm worried these cards are like Swiffer dust mops. Swipe a Swiffer across your floor and you collect dust. If I open one of these envelopes, they will catch wrinkles out of thin air and slam them onto my face. Not taking the chance.
DISCLAIMER: Whatever.