[this is where i say ive had enough, and no one should ever feel the way that i feel now]
oh how dashboard can make us emo's feel better... or perhaps worse. so friday i finished up my first full-time year at duquesne. im gonna miss a lot of people. it's gonna be weird not seeing everyone all the time. like today was the first day i was like, oh man, i dont have to get up at 8...and i wont see any of my friends. we're all gonna try and hang out, but it's gonna be hard. we all live 20 min from school... but like in every direction imaginable. some of us are from the north shore, some are from the west end, etc.
i really dont know why i like all the jerkey guys... and then continue to put up with their garbage. i always place them on a pedestal and am like "oh, theyre perfect" and then i end up getting hurt. i fall too hard too fast, and it's my own stupid fault. it just really sucks even more with gordon because to me, he was perfect. i just loved how our relationship was. well, the not seeing each other a lot thing did suck, but i tried to make it work, because i wanted us to work. i loved how i could just chill with him... watch a movie... talk... laugh... be goofy... be serious... whatever, it didnt matter. i thought things were fine, then out of no where i get the "i think we should just be friends" bit. i still to this day dont know why he broke it off, and i have a feeling i never will. i dunno, it just felt so right to me. stef was like oh you should meet my friend gordon and i was like alright and i got his number and we talked for like a week straight before we met in person, and i liked him so much from just talking to him. and then we hung out and i was like oh man... i def really like this kid. maybe we just rushed into it. maybe it's just not the right time for us. but im afraid he wont think we'll ever be right for each other. man would i have done ANYTHING for him. i feel like he just had some stuff to deal with and having a girlfriend was too much, and maybe when everything is resolved we'll get back together... but then i think about it and that doesnt make sense. i was anything but a burden to him. we didnt spend a lot of time together, so our relationship wasnt time consuming. and i was like gold to him and did like anything he asked, so i wasnt stressing him out. i dont even know. this whole situation is a bunch of garbage. ive cried like seriously, everyday since he broke it off... i mean cmon... who does that? ijust feel like ive done nothing wrong, but i got punished for something. whatever, im done with this. he needs to make up his mind. and stop being such a douche to me. we used to talk everyday like 567157368428 times a day, and now i think ive talked to him about 5 or 6 times in the past three weeks. yet he claims he wants to be friends... THEN TREAT ME LIKE ONE! aahh!! oh well, enough of that. if i keep thinking about it im just going to get frustrated and probably cry, because im emo and that's how i roll.
so i applied to marty's applebee's today when we went with g reihley and bronx. haha i think im gonna get hired too! so that'd be sweet.
so my high school friends will be home this week... let's hope they wanna hang out...
that's about it for now i suppose...
~*natalie*~
i really dont know why i like all the jerkey guys... and then continue to put up with their garbage. i always place them on a pedestal and am like "oh, theyre perfect" and then i end up getting hurt. i fall too hard too fast, and it's my own stupid fault. it just really sucks even more with gordon because to me, he was perfect. i just loved how our relationship was. well, the not seeing each other a lot thing did suck, but i tried to make it work, because i wanted us to work. i loved how i could just chill with him... watch a movie... talk... laugh... be goofy... be serious... whatever, it didnt matter. i thought things were fine, then out of no where i get the "i think we should just be friends" bit. i still to this day dont know why he broke it off, and i have a feeling i never will. i dunno, it just felt so right to me. stef was like oh you should meet my friend gordon and i was like alright and i got his number and we talked for like a week straight before we met in person, and i liked him so much from just talking to him. and then we hung out and i was like oh man... i def really like this kid. maybe we just rushed into it. maybe it's just not the right time for us. but im afraid he wont think we'll ever be right for each other. man would i have done ANYTHING for him. i feel like he just had some stuff to deal with and having a girlfriend was too much, and maybe when everything is resolved we'll get back together... but then i think about it and that doesnt make sense. i was anything but a burden to him. we didnt spend a lot of time together, so our relationship wasnt time consuming. and i was like gold to him and did like anything he asked, so i wasnt stressing him out. i dont even know. this whole situation is a bunch of garbage. ive cried like seriously, everyday since he broke it off... i mean cmon... who does that? ijust feel like ive done nothing wrong, but i got punished for something. whatever, im done with this. he needs to make up his mind. and stop being such a douche to me. we used to talk everyday like 567157368428 times a day, and now i think ive talked to him about 5 or 6 times in the past three weeks. yet he claims he wants to be friends... THEN TREAT ME LIKE ONE! aahh!! oh well, enough of that. if i keep thinking about it im just going to get frustrated and probably cry, because im emo and that's how i roll.
so i applied to marty's applebee's today when we went with g reihley and bronx. haha i think im gonna get hired too! so that'd be sweet.
so my high school friends will be home this week... let's hope they wanna hang out...
that's about it for now i suppose...
~*natalie*~