I feel like ranting a little bit.
This comes up from time to time in circles I'm in, which most of you won't be surprised to learn. I'm feeling more than a little infuriated about it right now, so be prepared for me to be scathing... unless I manage to knock it back to just 'snarky.' No guarantees.
See, there's this phrase that gets knocked around the romance community, especially m/m. It's called "chicks with dicks." Let me enumerate for you the reason that phrase boils my blood in almost the same way as hearing the words "Family Research Council."
1. It's fucking transphobic.
2. It's fucking ignorant.
3. It's fucking misogynistic.
For-fucking-serious, y'all.
Let's talk about this. One, the phrase is usually used to signify a male character who is visibly emotional, insecure, and/or chatty (usually about his feelings). I mean obviously -- men don't have feelings. And men who DO have feelings and talk about them are just being "faggy." But since we can't use that word, let's just call them "chicks with dicks."
In my opinion, this isn't any better.
Let me steal a quote from Madonna for half a second: "For a boy to [act] like a girl is degrading, because you think being a girl is degrading."
Right. You're saying that all women (and I'm not really fond of the "chick" signifier, either) are overly emotional, insecure, chatty, clingy, needy, and generally frivolous and embarrassing. First of all, not only is this not true of all women, the opposite is not true of all men.
All men have emotions. I know in western society, hegemonic (the socially dominant model) masculinity is not allowed to show emotion -- except for anger -- but men have feelings. It's true. They feel sad, scared, happy, romantic, mushy, giddy, goofy, lonely, worried, exhausted, etc. Sometimes they even show these feelings. Sometimes, some men even like to talk about them. And not all of these men are gay, or even bi! Some of them are -- *gasp!* -- straight!
There are more kinds of masculinity out there than the hegemonic "strong, silent type" that has somehow become prized above all else.
Second of all, what is so wrong about someone -- anyone -- having feelings? Or talking about them? Sure, there's a time and a place (you don't want to suddenly confess to the cashier at Safeway that you're afraid the coworker you've been crushing on from afar since you got hired thinks you're creepy... unless you want the cashier to think you're creepy too), but everyone needs confidantes. Everyone needs to talk about things sometimes. Some people need to talk about more things more frequently than some other people. Some people will blab to anyone; some people only talk to their closest friends.
Not only is this is a general trait of humanity, neither masculine or feminine (aside from the fucking oppressive gender roles we've handed out), it's not something to be ashamed of. It's not frivolous or embarrassing. It's actually REALLY IMPORTANT for good mental health! It helps you cope with stress, which can affect your body (through things like blood pressure, adrenaline response, etc.) and your life.
And on top of all this, using "chicks with dicks" as a slur is really fucking disrespectful. You might as well call the guy a "tranny." (Which is not a word you want to be using. Please be aware of that.) Because what you're saying is, "A girl in a guy's body is disgusting. If you have a penis, you'd better act like a man!" I bet you'd think twice before you said it in front of a transwoman or a T-girl. (Look things up if you don't know what I mean. I don't have the energy to give you a 101 right now.) I bet you'd think twice before saying it in front of a drag queen you really liked, just like you'd think twice before saying, "Wow, that guy is really gay" in a derogatory way.
It's not a phrase that has any place in the vocabulary of someone who considers themselves an ally of the gay community, the transgender community, or the feminist community. It perpetuates bad attitudes, prejudice, bigotry, and unrealistic expectations of human beings - male, female, or both/neither.
You wouldn't use the "n" word or the "f" word, now would you? (Not that f word. The one that rhymes with 'maggot' and can sometimes mean 'cigarette' in England.) So add this to your list of things not to say. It's just not cool.
Pass it on.
See, there's this phrase that gets knocked around the romance community, especially m/m. It's called "chicks with dicks." Let me enumerate for you the reason that phrase boils my blood in almost the same way as hearing the words "Family Research Council."
1. It's fucking transphobic.
2. It's fucking ignorant.
3. It's fucking misogynistic.
For-fucking-serious, y'all.
Let's talk about this. One, the phrase is usually used to signify a male character who is visibly emotional, insecure, and/or chatty (usually about his feelings). I mean obviously -- men don't have feelings. And men who DO have feelings and talk about them are just being "faggy." But since we can't use that word, let's just call them "chicks with dicks."
In my opinion, this isn't any better.
Let me steal a quote from Madonna for half a second: "For a boy to [act] like a girl is degrading, because you think being a girl is degrading."
Right. You're saying that all women (and I'm not really fond of the "chick" signifier, either) are overly emotional, insecure, chatty, clingy, needy, and generally frivolous and embarrassing. First of all, not only is this not true of all women, the opposite is not true of all men.
All men have emotions. I know in western society, hegemonic (the socially dominant model) masculinity is not allowed to show emotion -- except for anger -- but men have feelings. It's true. They feel sad, scared, happy, romantic, mushy, giddy, goofy, lonely, worried, exhausted, etc. Sometimes they even show these feelings. Sometimes, some men even like to talk about them. And not all of these men are gay, or even bi! Some of them are -- *gasp!* -- straight!
There are more kinds of masculinity out there than the hegemonic "strong, silent type" that has somehow become prized above all else.
Second of all, what is so wrong about someone -- anyone -- having feelings? Or talking about them? Sure, there's a time and a place (you don't want to suddenly confess to the cashier at Safeway that you're afraid the coworker you've been crushing on from afar since you got hired thinks you're creepy... unless you want the cashier to think you're creepy too), but everyone needs confidantes. Everyone needs to talk about things sometimes. Some people need to talk about more things more frequently than some other people. Some people will blab to anyone; some people only talk to their closest friends.
Not only is this is a general trait of humanity, neither masculine or feminine (aside from the fucking oppressive gender roles we've handed out), it's not something to be ashamed of. It's not frivolous or embarrassing. It's actually REALLY IMPORTANT for good mental health! It helps you cope with stress, which can affect your body (through things like blood pressure, adrenaline response, etc.) and your life.
And on top of all this, using "chicks with dicks" as a slur is really fucking disrespectful. You might as well call the guy a "tranny." (Which is not a word you want to be using. Please be aware of that.) Because what you're saying is, "A girl in a guy's body is disgusting. If you have a penis, you'd better act like a man!" I bet you'd think twice before you said it in front of a transwoman or a T-girl. (Look things up if you don't know what I mean. I don't have the energy to give you a 101 right now.) I bet you'd think twice before saying it in front of a drag queen you really liked, just like you'd think twice before saying, "Wow, that guy is really gay" in a derogatory way.
It's not a phrase that has any place in the vocabulary of someone who considers themselves an ally of the gay community, the transgender community, or the feminist community. It perpetuates bad attitudes, prejudice, bigotry, and unrealistic expectations of human beings - male, female, or both/neither.
You wouldn't use the "n" word or the "f" word, now would you? (Not that f word. The one that rhymes with 'maggot' and can sometimes mean 'cigarette' in England.) So add this to your list of things not to say. It's just not cool.
Pass it on.