Attack Force
I just want to start by addressing the big question in everyone's mind.
No maks were dimmed in the making of this film
opening credits seem to be done in powerpoint
wait, there's something blurry. it seems to be...strippers? the opening credits don't seem to be as explanatory as the ones in submerged, but they do give me one vital piece of info. Seagal is given a screenplay credit. This probably tells me more about what I'm in for than any amount of exposition.
3:23 seagal drives to the rescue of a bunch of dudes getting attacked by another bunch of dudes. Observation - being nine feet tall, seagal behind the wheel of any car looks hunched over, like
he's driving a clown car. they need to either make him a special car or keep him on foot. or, actually embrace it, and have him driving a clown car. A character who is a clown. He used to be a cia delta seal, but now he works in the circus. Until one day he was pushed too far.
right, back to the movie I'm actually watching...
4:30 the sound on this seems off. this is distracting me from the nuanced performances. or probably would, if anyone was talking on screen
5:24 bad guy pulls wrist knife on seagal, which shortly becomes a forehead knife.
5:50 ?????????????????
rewind
5:50 .................
rewind
5:50 this can't right
rewind
5:50 Holy shit, there's someone else's voice dubbed over seagal's dialogue! he isn't even doing his own dialogue.
he has a stunt voice
no. was this, like, bootlegged and dubbed into tagalog, then dubbed back into english or something? I'm skipping ahead. ok, seagal's voice is there now. it must have been an adr glitch or something, that he couldn't go back to fix because he was on the road. with his band. because music is his first love
7:00 his character is named "Marshal Lawson"...
"the man walks with an air of confidence that's rarely seen in this day and age" ?????????
7:30 ok, it's seagal's voice now.
9:00 this is apparently set in Paris, which resembles Bucharest much more than I would have expected
15:00 seagal's team picks up some woman at a bar, who totally kills them all. offscreen.
23:00 enter seagal's girlfriend, who appears to be about 22. eeeeuuuuuwww
25:00 voice change! wtf?! it isn't even a very good seagal voice! I could do a better seagal voice! does this have subtitles? maybe I could turn on the subtitles, and just mute it every time seagal appears, and do the dialogue myself. 'have some people over, make a night of it. steven seagal karaoke night. is there a karaoke place that has thunderbox available?
33:00 plot explained. evil people using drug to turn people into killing machines. I think. it probably made sense to whoever wrote this
Sweet Jesus, I've got a limit. I can't watch this anymore.
No maks were dimmed in the making of this film
opening credits seem to be done in powerpoint
wait, there's something blurry. it seems to be...strippers? the opening credits don't seem to be as explanatory as the ones in submerged, but they do give me one vital piece of info. Seagal is given a screenplay credit. This probably tells me more about what I'm in for than any amount of exposition.
3:23 seagal drives to the rescue of a bunch of dudes getting attacked by another bunch of dudes. Observation - being nine feet tall, seagal behind the wheel of any car looks hunched over, like
he's driving a clown car. they need to either make him a special car or keep him on foot. or, actually embrace it, and have him driving a clown car. A character who is a clown. He used to be a cia delta seal, but now he works in the circus. Until one day he was pushed too far.
right, back to the movie I'm actually watching...
4:30 the sound on this seems off. this is distracting me from the nuanced performances. or probably would, if anyone was talking on screen
5:24 bad guy pulls wrist knife on seagal, which shortly becomes a forehead knife.
5:50 ?????????????????
rewind
5:50 .................
rewind
5:50 this can't right
rewind
5:50 Holy shit, there's someone else's voice dubbed over seagal's dialogue! he isn't even doing his own dialogue.
he has a stunt voice
no. was this, like, bootlegged and dubbed into tagalog, then dubbed back into english or something? I'm skipping ahead. ok, seagal's voice is there now. it must have been an adr glitch or something, that he couldn't go back to fix because he was on the road. with his band. because music is his first love
7:00 his character is named "Marshal Lawson"...
"the man walks with an air of confidence that's rarely seen in this day and age" ?????????
7:30 ok, it's seagal's voice now.
9:00 this is apparently set in Paris, which resembles Bucharest much more than I would have expected
15:00 seagal's team picks up some woman at a bar, who totally kills them all. offscreen.
23:00 enter seagal's girlfriend, who appears to be about 22. eeeeuuuuuwww
25:00 voice change! wtf?! it isn't even a very good seagal voice! I could do a better seagal voice! does this have subtitles? maybe I could turn on the subtitles, and just mute it every time seagal appears, and do the dialogue myself. 'have some people over, make a night of it. steven seagal karaoke night. is there a karaoke place that has thunderbox available?
33:00 plot explained. evil people using drug to turn people into killing machines. I think. it probably made sense to whoever wrote this
Sweet Jesus, I've got a limit. I can't watch this anymore.