Mr. TAN-dy Man
Humor me and read this:
So my good buddy Michael offers me some of his M&Ms today at work. I gladly take a few when suddenly I am reminded of the once glorious tan M&Ms that used to reside so peacefully next to the dark brown, red, orange, yellow and green ones… those days are gone though and have been replaced with that ever popular blue M&M.
As I mention this to Michael however, he seems completely bemused and has no recollection of this so called “tan” M&M. *GASP!* WHAT?! I mean, I can understand the tan M&M seeming distantly vague in his mind, but he didn’t even remember that MONSTEROUS campaign that M&M did for the whole “Vote for the new M&M color” where America got to vote between blue, purple and pink. I mean, that’s when it all went down-that’s when tan got the boot.
No one said, “Vote for the new M&M REPLACEMENT color” or “Out with the old and in with the blue”… It’s scandalous what they did to poor tan! I mean, talk about discrimination. Now I know it may not have been a glorious color amidst the more vibrant, cheerful hues, but dammit-good things come in TAN packages people!
1) Care packages-those yummy goodies you get from family members in college or while away at summer camp-TAN packages baby, courtesy of the packaging paper of the United States Postal Service.
2) Puppies-I’d wager a guess that about 50% of the canine population is some shade of TAN, and come on, who doesn’t love puppies?!
3) Jesse Metcalfe-that FIIIIIIINNNNEE looking piece of a man would not be half as gorgeous without that glorious half-naked TAN upper torso of his, glimmering in the hot sun every other episode of Desperate Housewives.
Ok, I could go on, but I think three is a good round number, and I want to keep you all engaged enough to make it to the end. So basically, I did some online searching after my convo with Michael and realized that the scandalous advertising campaign to bring the tan down happened in 1995… that’s right folks, 10 years ago. WOW. A decade of blue, a decade without tan. And so, I would like you all to take a moment in silence for poor tan… may he rest in candy shell pieces. And because I can never resist a good poem:
Mary Had a Little... Tan.
Mary had an M&M
Whose candy shell was tan
And every piece that melted
Was by mouth
And not by hand
And then one day poor Mary
Woke to find her precious tan
Had been voted off the island
By a nation of blue fans
And so it goes that no one knows
The glory that is he
But still he dwells, that tan so swell
In Mary’s memory.
...no, I didn't make this (I'm not that weird)... but google image searches can get you some priceless results. =P
Ok, that's all... I'm sorry if I've taken ten minutes from your life that you'll never get back... but just remember... tan gave you 56 years of his life. You can give him 10 minutes in remembrance.
So my good buddy Michael offers me some of his M&Ms today at work. I gladly take a few when suddenly I am reminded of the once glorious tan M&Ms that used to reside so peacefully next to the dark brown, red, orange, yellow and green ones… those days are gone though and have been replaced with that ever popular blue M&M.
As I mention this to Michael however, he seems completely bemused and has no recollection of this so called “tan” M&M. *GASP!* WHAT?! I mean, I can understand the tan M&M seeming distantly vague in his mind, but he didn’t even remember that MONSTEROUS campaign that M&M did for the whole “Vote for the new M&M color” where America got to vote between blue, purple and pink. I mean, that’s when it all went down-that’s when tan got the boot.
No one said, “Vote for the new M&M REPLACEMENT color” or “Out with the old and in with the blue”… It’s scandalous what they did to poor tan! I mean, talk about discrimination. Now I know it may not have been a glorious color amidst the more vibrant, cheerful hues, but dammit-good things come in TAN packages people!
1) Care packages-those yummy goodies you get from family members in college or while away at summer camp-TAN packages baby, courtesy of the packaging paper of the United States Postal Service.
2) Puppies-I’d wager a guess that about 50% of the canine population is some shade of TAN, and come on, who doesn’t love puppies?!
3) Jesse Metcalfe-that FIIIIIIINNNNEE looking piece of a man would not be half as gorgeous without that glorious half-naked TAN upper torso of his, glimmering in the hot sun every other episode of Desperate Housewives.
Ok, I could go on, but I think three is a good round number, and I want to keep you all engaged enough to make it to the end. So basically, I did some online searching after my convo with Michael and realized that the scandalous advertising campaign to bring the tan down happened in 1995… that’s right folks, 10 years ago. WOW. A decade of blue, a decade without tan. And so, I would like you all to take a moment in silence for poor tan… may he rest in candy shell pieces. And because I can never resist a good poem:
Mary Had a Little... Tan.
Mary had an M&M
Whose candy shell was tan
And every piece that melted
Was by mouth
And not by hand
And then one day poor Mary
Woke to find her precious tan
Had been voted off the island
By a nation of blue fans
And so it goes that no one knows
The glory that is he
But still he dwells, that tan so swell
In Mary’s memory.
...no, I didn't make this (I'm not that weird)... but google image searches can get you some priceless results. =P
Ok, that's all... I'm sorry if I've taken ten minutes from your life that you'll never get back... but just remember... tan gave you 56 years of his life. You can give him 10 minutes in remembrance.