Joick, Only You- Chapter 4
The photoshoot was excruciating. I don't know what is wrong with the guys taking the pictures, but something's definately wrong in their brains.
They are loopy. Loopy in the head.
The reason I think this? Oh, it's nothing, they just put me, Nick and Kevin in the most wrong positions. I don't mean, me straddling Nick with Kevin jerking off by the side of me. That's wierd, but they have Nick behind me, pulling down my shirt and Kevin draped over my shoulder. I'm normally in the middle.
Normally it doesn't bother me too much, y'know my brothers draped over me. Of couse now, with everything me and Nick have shared it's awkward.
I noticed that Nick looked as terrible as I felt- his hair was all over the place and his eyes were red-rimmed with dark shadows underneath.
He also avoided my eye the whole time, talking only when Kevin asked him if he was feeling okay. He'd lied in a voice thick with sadness.
I've never been one for guilt, nothing was ever my fault. I'm a bastard really. But now, driving back from the porno/ photoshoot I felt a tinge of guilt.
I'd made Nick cry. I'd made my brother cry. I'd made a 16 year-old boy cry.
"Ugh." I grunted as the worrying noises the car made intensified. It was a kinda 'clunk' noise.
Scary.
I switched on the fuzzy radio and smiled at the song playing. I sang loudly along, partly to drown out the noise of the crappy Volvo and partly to try and drown out the guilt rising in me.
Now put your hands up
Up in the club, we just broke up
I'm doing my own little thing
you Decided to dip but now you wanna trip
Cuz another brother noticed me
I'm up on him, he up on me
dont pay him any attention
cuz I cried my tears, gave three good years
Ya can't be mad at me
I grinned uneasily as I sang, remembering the time when Nick and Kevin somehow convinced me to dance to it, to promote Lines, Vines and Trying Times. That was so embarassing.
My phone rang, the sound of Nick laughing rang out from my phone. Ok yes I know, totally cheesy, but Nick's laugh is beautiful and makes me smile.
So there.
I looked a little fearfully at my phone but picked it up anyway. I pulled over onto the roadside, because thanks to my brilliant co-ordination I would probably crash while talking on the phone.
"H-hello?" I said hesitantly.
"Joe, you sound frightened, you goober"
"Kevin?!"
"Yes, y'know the hottest brother."
"Why are you ringing me?"
"Nice Joe."
"Seriously."
"Okay, fine. Me and Nick were talking- well, I was talking, Nick wasn't talking much. Anyway, I asked him what's up and he said to ask you, so here I am."
"What do you want to ask me?"
I stared out of the window at the cars rushing past, wondering if maybe I should tell Kevin everything, he's actually pretty good at stuff like that.
He doesn't get wierded out easily, maybe it's because he's got me for a brother.
"Uh, duh. What's up with Nick?"
"Ok, uh, where are you right now."
"I'm, uh, eating a burrito outside Burrito King off-ramp."
I shook my head, smiling slightly.
"You're parked?"
"Yes?"
"Good, okay. Don't puke."
"Well, this burrito IS kinda manky."
"No, dude, shut up."
"Jeez, okay."
So I told him everything- from the time I realised my feelings for Nick to now. He was completely silent throughout the whole thing, although when I came to the bit about me saying someone else's name Kevin kinda made a funny noise.
"So, Kevin. What should I do? Please help me."
"Y'know what, you've done so many crazy things in your life- this one tops it all."
"Kevin, please. I'm begging you."
"Yeah, wait one minute I'm trying not to barf."
I waited patiently for a minute until Kevin spoke again, sounding a bit more
collected.
"Oookay, huh. I think, you should talk to him."
"Wow Kev, it's as if I haven't tried that!"
"What happened when you tried to talk to him?"
"Uh, well. He yelled at me, threw a shoe at me and shut the door in my face."
"Ouch."
"Yeah."
"Well, try again. If you really care then you'll keep at it."
My voice softened, "Thanks, I will. How's Dani?"
"She's.....okay, I think. She's been acting kinda wierd."
"Oh, I'm sure she's okay, just talk to her."
"Ha ha, bye Joe. Remember what I said."
"Yeah, thanks Kev."
I clicked my phone shut and stared at it with mild confusion. Had I really just told my brother about my love for my other brother.
My mild confusion turned to mild horror, still staring at my phone. I had.
Shaking my head I started the car again, thoughts buzzing round my head like angry wasps.
I winced at the snapping noise the car made.
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I lay on my bed, feet crossed, one hand behind my head, the other holding a pop-tart I wasn't really in the mood to eat anymore. Sighing I tossed it in the bin.
In order to avoid Joe as much as possible I had moved most of the food in the house to my room.
I know it's kinda silly but everytime I see him I feel like crying. Yeah, not very manly.
I was all on my own in our too-big house, I'd got home before Joe because he has the crappy Volvo. I was still a little choked up that Joe had left me his car.
I heard the front door slam, I tensed, hearing his footsteps in the hall. He's so loud, that's one of the things I love about him. He climbed the stairs, hitting the creaky step halfway up. He came to stop outside my room.
I unwrapped a half-melted popsicle, calmly, slowly, freaking out inside. My senses were so on edge that I could hear him take a long breath.
"Nick, Nick. Don't hurt me, but I'm breaking into your room."
I sat up straight, staring at my door, my heightened senses could hear a faint clicking and rattling on the other side. Jeez, since when could Joe pick locks?
The door clicked and Joe poked his head round, he flinched back as I shifted on my bed. Looking round the door again he smiled weakly.
"Sorry Curly, thought you were going to throw a shoe at me again."
I rolled my eyes and ignoring him completely I stumbled into my bathroom, shutting the door behind me. Frowning, I tried to ignore Joe waffling outside the door. I pushed my hair off my forehead, I wonder what I would look like with short hair? I guess I should ask Jo- wait, I should ask Kevin if that would look good.
Like a dog my ears pricked up when I heard my name.
"What did you say?"
"Nick?"
"Joe."
"You're talking to me?"
"Not for long if you don't tell me."
"Okay, okay. I said Kevin rang me, asked what was the matter with you and I told him everything about you and me, and Nick I need to talk to you, face to face."
I stared at the door for a second, taking it in. He told Kevin?! Crap.
"Nick? Come outside please."
I opened the door and looked woodenly at Joe, why did he have to be this good-looking. If he was uglier, this would be so much easier. I guess if Joe was uglier I wouldn't be in this position. No, I would be, Joe's personality is as beautiful as his body.
"Nick? Nick. Awesome."
My eyes roved over Joe, I been stressed and sad, but Joe's presence was reassurring and peaceful. I hadn't talked to him for maybe a day and already I was missing him.
Did I look bad? Is my hair afro? My eyes must be red and bloodshot. I must look a mess. Of course Joe looked smooth and perfect, hardly a hair out of place, the only thing that was off was his eyes- normally a sparkly green-brown, they were flat hazel. As if he was sleep-walking.
"Nick."
"Yes, Joe! Nick is my name, better now?"
"You take yourself so seriously."
"This isn't exactly convincing me to not kick your skinny butt out of my room." I said heatedly.
"Y'know you love my skinny butt."
"That's it. Out."
I pushed his shoulder, an unwelcome electric spark going up my arm. I felt tears collecting in my eyes, I blinked them away angrily, instead they spilled over onto my cheeks.
I let out a sob, and Joe's eyes widened.
"God, I'm so sorry. I'm such a bastard."
"Yes, you are." I sniffled, trying to rein in the stupid, stupid tears.
Joe grinned shakily, "There's the angry Nick I want, you're easier to talk to when you're angry. You just kinda stand there with your teeth clenched. Easy."
I stood there, arms rigid at my sides and teeth...yes, clenched. Angry tears climbing slowly down my face. Joe brushed them away worriedly with the pad of his thumb.
"Listen Curly, I didn't mean it, obviously. I just have a tiny brain/ attention span, okay?"
I stared straight ahead, trying not to lean into his hand, which he had placed on my cheek.
"And, and I want to know what to say that will make it better! Please tell me, I need you to give me a hint."
I breathed heavily through my nose.
"Okay, Joe. Listen. You don't have to do anything. I still love you, but, you obviously don't love me as much as I love you, that's all. Now please leave I'd like to be alone for a bit."
"Right, number one- you have been alone all day, number two- Shut up, I love you more than anything. More than Burrito Monday, more than my hair, more than myself."
I raised my eyebrows.
"More than your hair, wow."
"Yes, more than my hair. Now do you believe me?"
I studied Joe's face carefully, searching for any trace of a lie. I couldn't see any, his face was open and worried.
"I...don't know."
"What more can I say or do Nick?" Joe 's voice rose, more in desperation than anger, "Please, tell me again what you want!"
"Look, I've already told you, ok?"
"Yes Nick! And I've already told you I love you too. More than my hair!"
Joe stroked my cheek with his big hands and brushed a stray curl out of my eyes. He brought his face closer to mine, his minty breath warm on my face, eyes boring into mine.
"I'm sorry Curly-Top, you don't know how sorry I am."
I nodded, "I do, cos I'm sorry about how I've acted towards you, I took it overboard, cos I'm overly dramatic."
Joe laughed softly, eyes never leaving mine.
"You're not overly dramatic, you had enough reason to be angry at me. I'm a bastard."
"Again, yes, you are."
I smiled shakily, Joe grinned widely at my smile and brought his face closer to mine so our noses were touching.
"Sorry Curly, sorry, sorry, sorry." Every word he spoke caused his lips to brush mine. A tingle went down my spine.
I closed the distance slowly and kissed Joe lightly, hesitantly, half expecting to be rejected.
I wasn't though, Joe put his hands on my waist and kissed me back, sweetly, gently.
"Joe, I missed you." I said, looking up at him under my eyelashes.
"Same here Curly, we're such wimps, barely a day not speaking to each other and we fall apart."
I laughed, wiping stray tears from my eyes.
"Yeah."
Joe smiled as his stomach rumbled, I smiled weakly.
"Yeah, I haven't eaten since this morning."
"Wow."
Joe's eyes swept my room, alighting with badly-hidden delight on the half empty box of chocloate cookies.
"Uh, Nick, I know I'm meant to be all romantic right now but...."
I smiled widely, this was the Joe I know and love.
"Go ahead."
Joe shot a loving glance at the cookies.
"Yay." he said, mouth already full.
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