(no subject)
Did not go to school t'day; I was quite ill. Dulcolax again, and my dear I really thought I'd die - I remember almost every "session" and I'm sure that it was the worst ever.
Friedi takes good care of me... without her- without THEM, I really really would be in much more suicide danger.
If I think about me having only three months left to live, knowing I would die, I'm so afraid it frightens the shit outta me.
I think I'm the most afraid of losing control.
It's okay to die as long as I can chose the moment.
I am hungry but I can't eat - I'm not allowed to.
I'm playing another game which's named perfect.
Think of the american model of a perfect teenager; intelligent, amazingly thin, good-looking, funny, happy, great style, self-confidence, not too loud and not too quiet, popular, independet and so and so and so on...
Kind of this m'am, yes please, I'll pay with my sane mind, my feelings, heart and my soul. Thank you very much. So long!
At least I manage to learn again... feels good. Feels bad. I feel so sick because I fell long time ago, my fault.
Sorry for bothering you. ^^; Should go to bed.
Last but not least,
-Meeting nancy after clinic
-Meeting Schakal again
-Helping Gudrun to get the clue (of her adp)
Friedi takes good care of me... without her- without THEM, I really really would be in much more suicide danger.
If I think about me having only three months left to live, knowing I would die, I'm so afraid it frightens the shit outta me.
I think I'm the most afraid of losing control.
It's okay to die as long as I can chose the moment.
I am hungry but I can't eat - I'm not allowed to.
I'm playing another game which's named perfect.
Think of the american model of a perfect teenager; intelligent, amazingly thin, good-looking, funny, happy, great style, self-confidence, not too loud and not too quiet, popular, independet and so and so and so on...
Kind of this m'am, yes please, I'll pay with my sane mind, my feelings, heart and my soul. Thank you very much. So long!
At least I manage to learn again... feels good. Feels bad. I feel so sick because I fell long time ago, my fault.
Sorry for bothering you. ^^; Should go to bed.
Last but not least,
-Meeting nancy after clinic
-Meeting Schakal again
-Helping Gudrun to get the clue (of her adp)