Hear puddle ROAR!!!!
The first step in correcting a mistake is admitting you made one, right?
Well, I fucked up. I made an ill-advised choice and let myself go forward without researching more into it and making a logical decision. So now I am taking steps to correct all the damage I have done to myself.
As a few of you know, I got my acceptance letter from AAU. Only now, I do not believe I will be attending the school- ever! A lot of comments, remarks and opinions have surfaced after only a little bit of digging (that I should have done AGES ago) that have shaken my faith and opinion of the Academy of Art University. And while I will admit that some of the opinions I have discovered may very well be those of a small percentage of individuals unhappy with their schooling, the LACK of praise for the school bothers me more.
Something else that bothered me greatly was the ease of getting in and not even having to present a portfolio. Too much of our time in primary schooling is spent being told that in order to get into college, we must suffer rejection and scrutiny. To suddenly have an acceptance letter in my hand with none of the strife also bothers me. How can I know if I will measure up if no one will even look at my work? ...Not that I ~have~ any work to be looked at of note.
But I am striving to change ALL of this! I am setting my standards higher. I am aiming for the best. And I am aiming to better myself!
Looking at as much information as I could in the past few weeks since sending off my first application, I am going to work to prepare myself for the work that will be set before me now. The first thing, before I "choose" a college to go to, I am going to make a portfolio! An artist without a portfolio is like a writer without a pen. It can never be. So I went out and purchased two new art pads with which to start working on the drawings some of the schools I have looked at are asking for- drawings from life (which I love to do!), interior and exterior architecture (which I also! LOVE) and landscapes. I am not going to try so much for the "finished pieces" I kept stressing over and never did! Plus, I have a friend who is currently attending one of the top art schools in the nation who will hopefully be able to direct me in the right direction for my portfolio. I will be contacting the schools I am researching, getting pamphlets, reading more, contacting old art professors, and any one else I think can assist me in making this decision. I might even try to locate a life drawing class. I have ALWAYS wanted to take one, now may be my chance!
I am no longer going to base these important decisions in my life on hoping and wishing! I have wasted too much of my life with that philosophy. And as my best friend pointed out to me recently, no one is going to come and save me. I have to do this myself. So, I am. I am putting my foot out there, either to fall on the next step upwards or to be crushed, but I am doing it!
I want to apologize to a couple of people, too. (They know who they are.) For being such a complete idiot. For wasting your time and mine. For saying and saying and saying I was going to do this and that and never doing it. One of you in particular- you have ALWAYS just done things when you set your mind to it. You want to go somewhere you've never been? You GO! Hurdles to overcome? Who cares! You go anyway! And you are determined and never doubt yourself. You want to do something? You DO IT! You don't need anyone's permission, you are the ruler of your own life. I need you to know that I admire you for that. I wish I could be more like you. I wish I had known you earlier in my life. Perhaps I would have caught on sooner. I have experienced some of my life with your way of living and it's WONDERFUL! It's liberating and independent and strong. I hope you will forgive me yet again. I'm getting too old to be this way the rest of my life. There are things I want to do and if I continue living the way I have been, they will never happen and I may never be happy.
Actually, I KNOW I will never be happy. So I am going to do what I have to- suffer, slave and strive- to get what I want. I hope you will wish me the best and kick me in the ass should I fall from my path. One way or another- puddle is moving on.
EDIT: I have ~SO~ found my life drawing class! XD This is going to ROCK!!!!! AWESOMENESS!!!!!