You (both parties) need to know how I felt about this whole "matter"
Today i got 2 msgs. My heart pounded as well as a wave of distress fell over me. If you read this, you probably know what i 'm talking about especially if you are the people involved. I will not mention names or anything of who and what, but i will tell you how i feel, but first of all, what is the TRUE definition of a friend? In your head you may thing "oh it's this" or "oh it's that" blah blah blah blah blah... SCREW IT!! i hate that question..."what's a true friend this....what's a true friend that..." it gets rather annoying after a while don't you think?
There are many different definitions for the word "friend"; as well as depending on the degree of the relationship. i remember back in my computer class, we talked about it. There were many...many degrees of Friendship, but it all goes down to one main attribute: TRUST. Again, there are many levels of trust. Gaining trust is hard... i know...but it's as delicate as walking on eggshells. One small mistake and it's over.
So what does this have to do with what i feel? I've been asked to do what you can call "favors" for people. Asking me to do things that i know it will hurt the other party if i comply to do so. (unless it's formally and out of respect.) When i'm asked to do such things that makes me afraid such as confronting...i think to myself..."Do you ever consider my feelings? Do you care about how I feel? or do you even think of the whole picture?" When i'm asked to do such things it makes me sad, mad, scared, afraid, unappreciated....all those negative feelings and it makes me stress emotionally and my trust in them lessens and lessens as i am hurt more and more. All my life the only thing i wanted was happiness for myself and the people around me. I never wanted dispute between my friends and feel like I HAVE to choose just so i can keep my friendship with them. i've been in this situation before and those feelings, emotions, thoughts...i don't want them to come back and feel torn apart between 2 parties again. i don't know if you ever been in that situation, you probably have. If you have...remember those feelings? Those are the feelings that i don't want coming back!! It hurts me terribly.
The first time i was asked....i don't know if that person ever thought of how i would feel first. Trying to figure out how people feel online is very limited, but when i was asked that first time about this "situation" i was too shocked to feel anger, disappointment or whatever; though i did feel the sadness sweeping over me, and i couldn't do it. Confrontation wasn't what i wanted to do...i hate confrontations...you may think i'm a coward, but let me tell you, i'm scared for my own sake as i am scared for others. I thought for a bit "was that person really that selfish and desperate to ask me such thing?" i wonder if it was my naiveness...if it was...i felt used and taken advantaged of for my niceness to people...for my forgiving nature and it hurts deeply to know that some people may not care about how you feel. I didn't even get an apology.... i'm nice to you...and i apologize but why can't you be the same with me? this went on for so long it tore me down to the point where i had enough and just shunned the whole problem away. I don't care what happens anymore. If that person didn't move on, that's their problem...not mine. I became so annoyed, that so many know and so many got involved, i just gave up and let it solve itself.
Long ago, when this "matter" first started a friend and i said together that we will side with Switzerland. Not the Nazis and not the Allied Forces. I'm not saying here that one or the other party was bad, but i'm simply stating where i stood during the duration of this mess. i said that i wouldn't do any favors for either party...but i guess i was wrong. HAH! what the h-e-double hockey sticks! i ended up doing favors, and i don't know at this moment if that was a good idea or a bad one. I said i want to move on..BUT it keeps coming back to me.
I guess i should have expected something like this to happen. I did after all have dreams of it. Is it fair...i don't know...probably not. if you were in my shoes...what would you think? even before back during my first time in this position..i NEVER was asked to do such things.
those 2 msgs i got today, i did feel appreciated as i read them. And i'm glad. At least they apologized to me; for troubling me. Now thinking...i'm starting to think if this certain person was right about the other person who hurted them. i don't remember receiving an apology when i refused, but instead hurtful words that made me feel like a person who would abandon people. Lately, i've been thinking if it's wise now to cut all connections with this person who hurt me and forget about them, or should i do it to both parties and make my life better. *sigh* decisions decisions....i even wonder if i'm brave enough to do it. i'm too scared to lose friends and never talk to them, but then again...it's probably my stupid naiveness that gets me, that makes people take advantage of me. HAH! i got a compliment for being a kind person...some how i felt appreciated but as well as a bit sad and sick about it.
I grew up morally. I never wanted to lie, cheat or steal...EVER! I don't remember if you read my FB status once but i said that as a past AFJROTC cadet, the honor code of "a cadet will not lie, cheat or steal nor tolerate among themself or anyone else who does." is still embedded and engraved into my heart. i even took the liberty of memorizing it in being of applying it to my own life and moral values!! I never lied to any one of my friends i've met from all around the world unless it was necessary for MY OWN protection and/or privacy; but some how...i felt as if some lied to me, whether it's true or not. I did not cry over this situation overall, but i did feel grief and emotions i did not want.
After today, it will be the last time i'll ever hear of this situation. i never want to hear of it, speak of it, or read of it!!! i'm ready to move on as i should have done a long time ago and i'm a stupid girl to get into this kind of situation. I'm fed up with this mess and it's time to end. No more will i take crap from people. We are all adults here and we must act like adults. not stupid whiny little children who can't do things them self.
THERE! i said it all. My full feelings on what i feel about this whole topic. Forgive me if my words hurt you or it angers you, but you "all" must know. i pray that nothing like this will EVER happen like this again; especially between people whom i care for. If you are mad...at least i'm asking you for your forgiveness and considering how you would feel once you read this.
There are many different definitions for the word "friend"; as well as depending on the degree of the relationship. i remember back in my computer class, we talked about it. There were many...many degrees of Friendship, but it all goes down to one main attribute: TRUST. Again, there are many levels of trust. Gaining trust is hard... i know...but it's as delicate as walking on eggshells. One small mistake and it's over.
So what does this have to do with what i feel? I've been asked to do what you can call "favors" for people. Asking me to do things that i know it will hurt the other party if i comply to do so. (unless it's formally and out of respect.) When i'm asked to do such things that makes me afraid such as confronting...i think to myself..."Do you ever consider my feelings? Do you care about how I feel? or do you even think of the whole picture?" When i'm asked to do such things it makes me sad, mad, scared, afraid, unappreciated....all those negative feelings and it makes me stress emotionally and my trust in them lessens and lessens as i am hurt more and more. All my life the only thing i wanted was happiness for myself and the people around me. I never wanted dispute between my friends and feel like I HAVE to choose just so i can keep my friendship with them. i've been in this situation before and those feelings, emotions, thoughts...i don't want them to come back and feel torn apart between 2 parties again. i don't know if you ever been in that situation, you probably have. If you have...remember those feelings? Those are the feelings that i don't want coming back!! It hurts me terribly.
The first time i was asked....i don't know if that person ever thought of how i would feel first. Trying to figure out how people feel online is very limited, but when i was asked that first time about this "situation" i was too shocked to feel anger, disappointment or whatever; though i did feel the sadness sweeping over me, and i couldn't do it. Confrontation wasn't what i wanted to do...i hate confrontations...you may think i'm a coward, but let me tell you, i'm scared for my own sake as i am scared for others. I thought for a bit "was that person really that selfish and desperate to ask me such thing?" i wonder if it was my naiveness...if it was...i felt used and taken advantaged of for my niceness to people...for my forgiving nature and it hurts deeply to know that some people may not care about how you feel. I didn't even get an apology.... i'm nice to you...and i apologize but why can't you be the same with me? this went on for so long it tore me down to the point where i had enough and just shunned the whole problem away. I don't care what happens anymore. If that person didn't move on, that's their problem...not mine. I became so annoyed, that so many know and so many got involved, i just gave up and let it solve itself.
Long ago, when this "matter" first started a friend and i said together that we will side with Switzerland. Not the Nazis and not the Allied Forces. I'm not saying here that one or the other party was bad, but i'm simply stating where i stood during the duration of this mess. i said that i wouldn't do any favors for either party...but i guess i was wrong. HAH! what the h-e-double hockey sticks! i ended up doing favors, and i don't know at this moment if that was a good idea or a bad one. I said i want to move on..BUT it keeps coming back to me.
I guess i should have expected something like this to happen. I did after all have dreams of it. Is it fair...i don't know...probably not. if you were in my shoes...what would you think? even before back during my first time in this position..i NEVER was asked to do such things.
those 2 msgs i got today, i did feel appreciated as i read them. And i'm glad. At least they apologized to me; for troubling me. Now thinking...i'm starting to think if this certain person was right about the other person who hurted them. i don't remember receiving an apology when i refused, but instead hurtful words that made me feel like a person who would abandon people. Lately, i've been thinking if it's wise now to cut all connections with this person who hurt me and forget about them, or should i do it to both parties and make my life better. *sigh* decisions decisions....i even wonder if i'm brave enough to do it. i'm too scared to lose friends and never talk to them, but then again...it's probably my stupid naiveness that gets me, that makes people take advantage of me. HAH! i got a compliment for being a kind person...some how i felt appreciated but as well as a bit sad and sick about it.
I grew up morally. I never wanted to lie, cheat or steal...EVER! I don't remember if you read my FB status once but i said that as a past AFJROTC cadet, the honor code of "a cadet will not lie, cheat or steal nor tolerate among themself or anyone else who does." is still embedded and engraved into my heart. i even took the liberty of memorizing it in being of applying it to my own life and moral values!! I never lied to any one of my friends i've met from all around the world unless it was necessary for MY OWN protection and/or privacy; but some how...i felt as if some lied to me, whether it's true or not. I did not cry over this situation overall, but i did feel grief and emotions i did not want.
After today, it will be the last time i'll ever hear of this situation. i never want to hear of it, speak of it, or read of it!!! i'm ready to move on as i should have done a long time ago and i'm a stupid girl to get into this kind of situation. I'm fed up with this mess and it's time to end. No more will i take crap from people. We are all adults here and we must act like adults. not stupid whiny little children who can't do things them self.
THERE! i said it all. My full feelings on what i feel about this whole topic. Forgive me if my words hurt you or it angers you, but you "all" must know. i pray that nothing like this will EVER happen like this again; especially between people whom i care for. If you are mad...at least i'm asking you for your forgiveness and considering how you would feel once you read this.