A NIght To Think
Last night I had what was the worst fight I ever had with Chris and April. It lasted from 2345 to 0330. I was so badly beaten down with words it might as well have been a fist. See the night before I had a what I thuoght was a great talk with Chris. It seemed to me we got a lot acomplished nad even made love. That was wonderful and I felt like i was back in a safe place.
I posted the next day about what he did to me when I had to go to my interview. When I got back I was still angry. I had a nice long talk with my Mother about the situation I was dealing with. Part way through April came home, but I didn't realize it. I only noticed when the TV went on. I took the conversation outside because i knew she had to sleep. When we came inside i talked a little bit more and then said good bye to my Mom. I had something to eat and decided to clean the living room. After I was done I watched the Kings of Comedy and worked on my recipies. I fell asleep.
I woke up to the phone and it was Chris's sister. I talked to her for awhile and then Chris called to ask if April had left. I said I thuogh she did. He said ok I will see you soon then. I love you. I hung up and started to fall asleep. I decided to talk to Chris about some of the things I talked to my Mom about when he got home. Unfortunatly April came home with him. She had heard the conversation i had with my Mom and told him almost everything. Chris started in with me about it. i tried to explain that I only wanted to talk about certain things with him and that I was just irrationally angey, but he wouldn't listen. I don;t knwo what April talk ed to him about, but she destryoed my credability with him from the other night. Now he thinks the sex was to get something from him. That really hurt me badly.
The fight continued downstairs because I had to take care of the dog. This is where it got really bad. I said I asked only him to come down to finish the talk. It had nothing to do with April at all. He said he asked her down so he could draw strenghth from her like shes a goddamm energizer battery! I said to April, "If you are so miserable why don't you go move back with your sister, I can't be any worse then her."
She jumped off the couch and ran right into my face. breathing hard so my glassed fogged she told me to shut up or she was going to punch me in the face! Her exact words were, "I can hit you in the face and it won't hurt the baby!"
The thing the hurt the most which didn't compute till much later on was that Chris didn't do anything to stop her! No excuse I can think of would matter here. I am carrying his baby and he was going to let her hit me! He didn't say anything, just sat there. When she sat down again he just started the fight right where it left off. Like nothing happened. The worst part of it all is that they were cooing to each other the whole time. Calling each other baby and sweetie. "Hey babd. can you hand me a ciggertette?"
"No baby you actually use the word disturbed when you said that to her."
I'm surprised they weren't on the couch cuddling and kissing while I was being stomped into the ground.
After they went upstairs into my bed to go to sleep. I stayed downstairs and sat numbly on the couch. All I could hear was Aprils threat ringing in my ears. To relax i put on a movie that my Dad and I use to watch. Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I fell asleep to the soothing sounds of childhood.
The next morning I woke up and realized i spent the night crying for my pillow was soaked. I got up and had to decide what i was going to do about my appointment today. I decided to call my Sister-in-law and talk to her. I told her everything i had to deal with last night including April threatening me. After that I felt right in not wanting to have Chris or April at my appointment today. I looked on-line and found out the fare for the train. I got dressed and tried to relax by folding clothes, but i couldn't stop crying about the fight. April came down and asked where the ciggeretts are. I told I would get them for her. Then she lit up in front of me, and i told her to take it upstairs. She left and i found the ciggeretes and left them in the drawer. Then later she came down in her underware which i didn't need to see ever again! and asked for the can opener. I personally think they had sex at some point which further tells me he really doesn't care anymore. Around an hour before the train came I went to find my last five bucks. I went in my drawer and tripped and woke Chris up. He asked whats going on and I said I don't know. I left the room. I went to fold more clothes stili crying just the same as before. He came down in his underware and had the nerve to ask me where my attitude was coming from this morning? LIke last night never happened. That he didn't sit idely by while I was threatened with physical violence and do nothing. I said I guess you recovered from last night faster then I did. He went upstairs and shortly after that I left. I didn't tell them anything either.
Waiting for the train I cried, on the train I cried, off the train I cried, durung the 15 min walk to the appointment I cried. I case you don't see a pattern I cried the whole time. I couldn't stop crying in the office and I had to talk to about five people. They fed me and gave me tissues. I hadn't eaten anything yet today and it was after two. I was a little dizzy. I left at quater to four and caught the train back. I was surprisingly dry eyed on the train till I started geting closer to home. My throat begen to close up. The thought of my own house scared me.
I checked the mail first and my Mom saw me so I went to talk to her. She told me to come in. I said I wanted to get home, but she insisted. Inside she had me call my Sister-in-law and I'm glad she did. Kari told me that she told Carmine about April threatening me and he went crazy and called her and threatned to beat the shit out of her if she threatened me again. She wanted to warn me before I walked in. My Mom decidd to go home with me and i'm glad again that she did. April was sitting in the dark on the couch waiting to pounce on me it looked like. I went upstairs with my Mom and anythime I had to go downstairs she came with me. She won't leave me here alone with April for fear of retrobution on her part. I already decided if she isn't working tonight i wil not be here. The two fo them together are volitale towards me.
I hate this feeling. This is my house. I lived here first and longest. I took them both in when they needed a place and this is my thanks. I am prisioner in my own home.
I posted the next day about what he did to me when I had to go to my interview. When I got back I was still angry. I had a nice long talk with my Mother about the situation I was dealing with. Part way through April came home, but I didn't realize it. I only noticed when the TV went on. I took the conversation outside because i knew she had to sleep. When we came inside i talked a little bit more and then said good bye to my Mom. I had something to eat and decided to clean the living room. After I was done I watched the Kings of Comedy and worked on my recipies. I fell asleep.
I woke up to the phone and it was Chris's sister. I talked to her for awhile and then Chris called to ask if April had left. I said I thuogh she did. He said ok I will see you soon then. I love you. I hung up and started to fall asleep. I decided to talk to Chris about some of the things I talked to my Mom about when he got home. Unfortunatly April came home with him. She had heard the conversation i had with my Mom and told him almost everything. Chris started in with me about it. i tried to explain that I only wanted to talk about certain things with him and that I was just irrationally angey, but he wouldn't listen. I don;t knwo what April talk ed to him about, but she destryoed my credability with him from the other night. Now he thinks the sex was to get something from him. That really hurt me badly.
The fight continued downstairs because I had to take care of the dog. This is where it got really bad. I said I asked only him to come down to finish the talk. It had nothing to do with April at all. He said he asked her down so he could draw strenghth from her like shes a goddamm energizer battery! I said to April, "If you are so miserable why don't you go move back with your sister, I can't be any worse then her."
She jumped off the couch and ran right into my face. breathing hard so my glassed fogged she told me to shut up or she was going to punch me in the face! Her exact words were, "I can hit you in the face and it won't hurt the baby!"
The thing the hurt the most which didn't compute till much later on was that Chris didn't do anything to stop her! No excuse I can think of would matter here. I am carrying his baby and he was going to let her hit me! He didn't say anything, just sat there. When she sat down again he just started the fight right where it left off. Like nothing happened. The worst part of it all is that they were cooing to each other the whole time. Calling each other baby and sweetie. "Hey babd. can you hand me a ciggertette?"
"No baby you actually use the word disturbed when you said that to her."
I'm surprised they weren't on the couch cuddling and kissing while I was being stomped into the ground.
After they went upstairs into my bed to go to sleep. I stayed downstairs and sat numbly on the couch. All I could hear was Aprils threat ringing in my ears. To relax i put on a movie that my Dad and I use to watch. Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I fell asleep to the soothing sounds of childhood.
The next morning I woke up and realized i spent the night crying for my pillow was soaked. I got up and had to decide what i was going to do about my appointment today. I decided to call my Sister-in-law and talk to her. I told her everything i had to deal with last night including April threatening me. After that I felt right in not wanting to have Chris or April at my appointment today. I looked on-line and found out the fare for the train. I got dressed and tried to relax by folding clothes, but i couldn't stop crying about the fight. April came down and asked where the ciggeretts are. I told I would get them for her. Then she lit up in front of me, and i told her to take it upstairs. She left and i found the ciggeretes and left them in the drawer. Then later she came down in her underware which i didn't need to see ever again! and asked for the can opener. I personally think they had sex at some point which further tells me he really doesn't care anymore. Around an hour before the train came I went to find my last five bucks. I went in my drawer and tripped and woke Chris up. He asked whats going on and I said I don't know. I left the room. I went to fold more clothes stili crying just the same as before. He came down in his underware and had the nerve to ask me where my attitude was coming from this morning? LIke last night never happened. That he didn't sit idely by while I was threatened with physical violence and do nothing. I said I guess you recovered from last night faster then I did. He went upstairs and shortly after that I left. I didn't tell them anything either.
Waiting for the train I cried, on the train I cried, off the train I cried, durung the 15 min walk to the appointment I cried. I case you don't see a pattern I cried the whole time. I couldn't stop crying in the office and I had to talk to about five people. They fed me and gave me tissues. I hadn't eaten anything yet today and it was after two. I was a little dizzy. I left at quater to four and caught the train back. I was surprisingly dry eyed on the train till I started geting closer to home. My throat begen to close up. The thought of my own house scared me.
I checked the mail first and my Mom saw me so I went to talk to her. She told me to come in. I said I wanted to get home, but she insisted. Inside she had me call my Sister-in-law and I'm glad she did. Kari told me that she told Carmine about April threatening me and he went crazy and called her and threatned to beat the shit out of her if she threatened me again. She wanted to warn me before I walked in. My Mom decidd to go home with me and i'm glad again that she did. April was sitting in the dark on the couch waiting to pounce on me it looked like. I went upstairs with my Mom and anythime I had to go downstairs she came with me. She won't leave me here alone with April for fear of retrobution on her part. I already decided if she isn't working tonight i wil not be here. The two fo them together are volitale towards me.
I hate this feeling. This is my house. I lived here first and longest. I took them both in when they needed a place and this is my thanks. I am prisioner in my own home.