(no subject)
I feel kinda like shit tonight.
I was pretty happy most of the day. I was working with Habitat with Humanity, which as become my Friday activity of choice. I get to break stuff and build stuff and use nail guns, so... that's fun. But then I came home and it kinda started going down hill and I didn't even realize it.
1) After a day of physical labor, I am pretty exhausted, which is likely a major contributor to me feeling like shit. I also didn't get lunch.
2) My dad's been a jerk for like 3 days now. Mom's not here. Dad was cool til like Wednesday when he decided to start being douchey about stupid shit like who should do the dishes (I made dinner on Wednesday - good dinner, voluntarily - and he seriously said to me, "Why don't you want to do the dishes?"). Sure, he did the dishes, but only because I refused and went outside to take care of the garden. And he'd bugged me for days about vacuuming but didn't even seem to notice when I *did* vacuum. It goes on...
But, dealing with tonight specifically, we went out to dinner. I drove because my brother's using his car for work today. First, he complained that I won't use A/C. We had like 5 miles to drive total, and it isn't even that hot out. And I *never* use my A/C even when it *is* hot. Then, and this one is the one that really contributed to my mood snowballing, I turned my radio on. Like I always do. And as soon as my fingers left the knob, he turned it down. Not off, but it might as well have been since with the windows down nobody would be able to hear it, least of all me. I told him not to touch my radio. He said, "it's my car." Which is a card he likes to play. And one that pisses me off to no end. Cuz yeah. It's his car. He bought it. The registration has his name on it. But I fucking drive it. He bought it for me. I told him I was driving and turned it back up, sure, but... still.
Dinner itself was ok. But it was politics as usual. You know, it is not my job to defend every move Obama makes. I don't know anything about healthcare. I can only follow so much news in a day. I'm sick of being attacked every time dad hears something about liberals and is re-convinced that Democrats are conspiring to make the US socialist and take all our rights away. Fuck off.
3) Clearly I could rant about that for a while. But I'll save it for mom or something. The third and, I believe, final contributing factor is that I am in my room alone tonight. I could have been In MD with my three college roomies at a concert celebrating one of said roomies' birthdays. But no. No, I told them I couldn't come because I thought - hoped - that maybe, just maybe, soldier boy would be home from AIT.
And obviously, he is not home. Next week will be 8 months since he left for basic. Long distance and I do ok, sure, but this is pushing it.
So... I broke down in the shower and cried in a stupid little ball on the floor. I don't wanna be here anymore. But I can't get a job. And without a job, I can't leave because I can't afford a place to live. Trust me when I say I'm trying very hard to get a job...
Anyway, sorry the only post I've had in like a month is about my shitty mood. But it did make me feel a little better. I'll come up with something happy to tell you soon maybe.
I was pretty happy most of the day. I was working with Habitat with Humanity, which as become my Friday activity of choice. I get to break stuff and build stuff and use nail guns, so... that's fun. But then I came home and it kinda started going down hill and I didn't even realize it.
1) After a day of physical labor, I am pretty exhausted, which is likely a major contributor to me feeling like shit. I also didn't get lunch.
2) My dad's been a jerk for like 3 days now. Mom's not here. Dad was cool til like Wednesday when he decided to start being douchey about stupid shit like who should do the dishes (I made dinner on Wednesday - good dinner, voluntarily - and he seriously said to me, "Why don't you want to do the dishes?"). Sure, he did the dishes, but only because I refused and went outside to take care of the garden. And he'd bugged me for days about vacuuming but didn't even seem to notice when I *did* vacuum. It goes on...
But, dealing with tonight specifically, we went out to dinner. I drove because my brother's using his car for work today. First, he complained that I won't use A/C. We had like 5 miles to drive total, and it isn't even that hot out. And I *never* use my A/C even when it *is* hot. Then, and this one is the one that really contributed to my mood snowballing, I turned my radio on. Like I always do. And as soon as my fingers left the knob, he turned it down. Not off, but it might as well have been since with the windows down nobody would be able to hear it, least of all me. I told him not to touch my radio. He said, "it's my car." Which is a card he likes to play. And one that pisses me off to no end. Cuz yeah. It's his car. He bought it. The registration has his name on it. But I fucking drive it. He bought it for me. I told him I was driving and turned it back up, sure, but... still.
Dinner itself was ok. But it was politics as usual. You know, it is not my job to defend every move Obama makes. I don't know anything about healthcare. I can only follow so much news in a day. I'm sick of being attacked every time dad hears something about liberals and is re-convinced that Democrats are conspiring to make the US socialist and take all our rights away. Fuck off.
3) Clearly I could rant about that for a while. But I'll save it for mom or something. The third and, I believe, final contributing factor is that I am in my room alone tonight. I could have been In MD with my three college roomies at a concert celebrating one of said roomies' birthdays. But no. No, I told them I couldn't come because I thought - hoped - that maybe, just maybe, soldier boy would be home from AIT.
And obviously, he is not home. Next week will be 8 months since he left for basic. Long distance and I do ok, sure, but this is pushing it.
So... I broke down in the shower and cried in a stupid little ball on the floor. I don't wanna be here anymore. But I can't get a job. And without a job, I can't leave because I can't afford a place to live. Trust me when I say I'm trying very hard to get a job...
Anyway, sorry the only post I've had in like a month is about my shitty mood. But it did make me feel a little better. I'll come up with something happy to tell you soon maybe.