Don't cry for me, laugh...

[mizter]

I haven't been to Jersey in such a long time, new rules...They have to dial the area code before calling anyone, i try not to use the phones..I should be back wednesday...i'll be awake thursday...possibly fired from my new job, who cares...I've been feeling so damn lonely. and so damn hurt, i dont know why either..I went to my grandparents graves this morning..just to say hey..and i broke down and kneeled on the dirt...just telling them I wish they were still here and I wish I had a family, and how much I miss them...I felt like ending my life right there and then because I knew they were dead, and only life seperates us now..but then..i knew I was far in over my head, and I had to get back down to earth..i was crying. i lost my mom...the mom I barely knew anymore...the mom that left me...the mom I now..forgive. just wish she was here to actually know that...I was crying. I couldn't drive.. i tried to walk it off..but couldn't stop..i felt so out of place..so confused. so stupid. I got over it. drove back here...where no one knows I exist really. but seriously? who needs to hear this drama?...sorry buddies...so sorry...but I'm falling apart. help...

Why must I suffer for their sin?
Why must I die for them to win?
Isn’t there some other way?
I do not want to die this day.

If they are weak, I must be strong
The good I do will right the wrong
I am the shepherd, they the sheep
I must protect them while they sleep

But will they wake when I have gone?
Or am I just a wasted pawn?
Please help them someone, for their sake
When I have gone help them to wake

For if they sleep, it has been lost
A wasted life, the highest cost
If I must suffer such great pain
I do not want to die in vain

Be back in a few days...this computer is shit. so...another long drive back to where I sleep. not home..just a last resort. ...just..a ...last...resort...bye.