Low self esteem night!
I am having a low self esteem night! You know the ones, when you start wondering why you show your face in public. All this anti-bullying campaigning these days has reminded me of my own experience growing up. Sometimes I think that I am no longer affected by being basically called the ugliest person ever and treated like my mere existence was a joke. And then I realize I still have serious issues about my body. I've come a LONG way in the last couple of years. But there are still light years to go.
When I dress up in a cute outfit, and go out wandering around... If I actually look up and make eye contact with people as I walk by, instead of staring at my feet like I usually do... well. People smile at me. I'm not repulsive, dammit!
I'm supposed to be writing, actually. I've been avoiding it all night. Plus the people who live downstairs are having a party. It's not REALLY loud. Just loud enough to be distracting. If I really wanted to write, I'd put my headphones in and write. But for some reason I'm not doing it.
Vince called me tonight. There was small talk. I was noncommital about his suggestion to hang out (I'm really busy anyway, at least till December...).
Could be this situation that's messing with my self esteem. I'm going to have to deal with this eventually. Stand up for yourself, dammit, Christine!!
When I dress up in a cute outfit, and go out wandering around... If I actually look up and make eye contact with people as I walk by, instead of staring at my feet like I usually do... well. People smile at me. I'm not repulsive, dammit!
I'm supposed to be writing, actually. I've been avoiding it all night. Plus the people who live downstairs are having a party. It's not REALLY loud. Just loud enough to be distracting. If I really wanted to write, I'd put my headphones in and write. But for some reason I'm not doing it.
Vince called me tonight. There was small talk. I was noncommital about his suggestion to hang out (I'm really busy anyway, at least till December...).
Could be this situation that's messing with my self esteem. I'm going to have to deal with this eventually. Stand up for yourself, dammit, Christine!!