3 months and 11 days...
3 months and 11 days...until i am finally outta here. I just can't stand this place anymore.
I fucked up and told my ex that i still cared about him, because i thought from how he was acting and what i had been hearing that he may want to try and start over with me but i was wrong. Horribly wrong.
One more chance. All i wanted was one more chance to show him that i could change and make him happy. To show him that i love him.
I put my heart on the line for him for the last time...I've tried too many times. I told myself ''One more time, just one more time. And if i doesn't happen...then i'm gone.'' Well. I did the ''one more time''. I put my fucking heart on the line. I'm such an easy target. Is that why guys like to play with me? Because they know that i can be fooled by romance and silly love letters? I guess so. I can't wait forever for him. I can't keep trying to prove myself to him. I've wasted a year of my life on him, a year of my life hoping that he would come back to me like i had hoped for.
James isn't the same person he use to be. The James i knew wasn't so fake. Wasn't afraid of letting his feelings out. He isn't the same guy who use to call me just to make sure i was okay. Who use to hold me when i was sad and wipe my tears away. He isn't the same guy who made me laugh, made me smile, made me cry, made me feel beautiful, who made me feel like i could conquer anything. He use to make me feel stronge, wonderful, gorgeous, loved, angry, frustrated, unique.....perfect.
True love to me is when you look at the person, and you just can't help but smile. You can't help but giggle like a little school girl sometimes. When everytime you see them, you still get butterflies, even months after you've been seeing them. When no matter how big of a fight you get into with them, you know that everything will be ok, you know that they will still be there waiting for a chance to fix things. To figure out what went wrong. Love is when you would do anything for that special someone, just to see them smile at you again.
Love is nothing but a constant war. That you have to keep fighting for to keep alive. No matter how much you hate fighting, Love really is worth fighting for. Love, in the end, is worth all the pain and tears you put into it.
But there are times when the war just ends. And you just want to keep fighting for what you believe in, for what you want. But, you lose sometimes.
I lost.
I fucked up and told my ex that i still cared about him, because i thought from how he was acting and what i had been hearing that he may want to try and start over with me but i was wrong. Horribly wrong.
One more chance. All i wanted was one more chance to show him that i could change and make him happy. To show him that i love him.
I put my heart on the line for him for the last time...I've tried too many times. I told myself ''One more time, just one more time. And if i doesn't happen...then i'm gone.'' Well. I did the ''one more time''. I put my fucking heart on the line. I'm such an easy target. Is that why guys like to play with me? Because they know that i can be fooled by romance and silly love letters? I guess so. I can't wait forever for him. I can't keep trying to prove myself to him. I've wasted a year of my life on him, a year of my life hoping that he would come back to me like i had hoped for.
James isn't the same person he use to be. The James i knew wasn't so fake. Wasn't afraid of letting his feelings out. He isn't the same guy who use to call me just to make sure i was okay. Who use to hold me when i was sad and wipe my tears away. He isn't the same guy who made me laugh, made me smile, made me cry, made me feel beautiful, who made me feel like i could conquer anything. He use to make me feel stronge, wonderful, gorgeous, loved, angry, frustrated, unique.....perfect.
True love to me is when you look at the person, and you just can't help but smile. You can't help but giggle like a little school girl sometimes. When everytime you see them, you still get butterflies, even months after you've been seeing them. When no matter how big of a fight you get into with them, you know that everything will be ok, you know that they will still be there waiting for a chance to fix things. To figure out what went wrong. Love is when you would do anything for that special someone, just to see them smile at you again.
Love is nothing but a constant war. That you have to keep fighting for to keep alive. No matter how much you hate fighting, Love really is worth fighting for. Love, in the end, is worth all the pain and tears you put into it.
But there are times when the war just ends. And you just want to keep fighting for what you believe in, for what you want. But, you lose sometimes.
I lost.