Well damn it.
Dude. Dude. Seriously.
I just watched the trailers for After the Storm. I don't think I want anyone to associate the girl I was then with the person I am now. How I got from there to here is unfathomable to me. I wish I could go back and use that film every day to motivate me to fucking do something with my life. It's heartbreaking for me to think about that time and the things I wanted and the goals I had. Especially when I compare them with now. I honestly do not know if I'm ever gonna want to actually watch that film. Or talk about it with other people. I was so focused and I knew what I wanted. Now I'm just a pinball. Aimless and moving too fast for my own good.
I think I looked back to try to see something in myself and spark some great upheaval or surge of emotion or desire, but nope. Still don't know what the fuck I want to do. I could go back to MT, but I don't think that's it. Tara says I should just keep doing what makes me happy, but I don't even know what that would be. I feel like I'm letting everyone who put so much time and money and effort into Once On This Island down. They tried to give me so much and now I'm sitting here, on my ass.
Now I'm gonna try to go and graduate high school in a relatively normal amount of time.
I just watched the trailers for After the Storm. I don't think I want anyone to associate the girl I was then with the person I am now. How I got from there to here is unfathomable to me. I wish I could go back and use that film every day to motivate me to fucking do something with my life. It's heartbreaking for me to think about that time and the things I wanted and the goals I had. Especially when I compare them with now. I honestly do not know if I'm ever gonna want to actually watch that film. Or talk about it with other people. I was so focused and I knew what I wanted. Now I'm just a pinball. Aimless and moving too fast for my own good.
I think I looked back to try to see something in myself and spark some great upheaval or surge of emotion or desire, but nope. Still don't know what the fuck I want to do. I could go back to MT, but I don't think that's it. Tara says I should just keep doing what makes me happy, but I don't even know what that would be. I feel like I'm letting everyone who put so much time and money and effort into Once On This Island down. They tried to give me so much and now I'm sitting here, on my ass.
Now I'm gonna try to go and graduate high school in a relatively normal amount of time.