Netiquette, let me show you it...
(C&P from Facebook with several additions and edits)
Some of you may find this relevant to your own posting experience. Some of you may find this educational. I hope to spark thoughtful debate. OK, here we go:
If I post a picture of something that I have made with my own hands, particularly if I call out the degree of "I made this from scratch," please take extra care before you hit the comment button.
The context to this is that there has been a trend where one or more of those ticky box answers was "no" within my comment stream to my posts in Facebook. And given how much energy I've expended just today thinking about this, I felt it worth saying using my Out Loud Voice.
Historical context about why I'd go on about this... My experiences from grade school through to high school was, if I actually said "please stop" to a behavior in the hall/during extra curriculars, the response was more often than not: "you've shown weakness, let me now do nothing BUT that thing at you until I find a new thing to torment you with and get fresh tears of rage to feed my soul ::slather slather::" .... I may be dramatizing a bit, but you get the point. Hey, look... this turned into a conversation about consent! Yaaai!
Very specific not-on FB context:
in April, I posted a picture of myself in a newly finished knit. From yarn I made. And somewhere along the line, someone pointed out "U haz a stache, lulz!" (trick of photography, bit of a picture frame could be construed as moustache-like... NOT the point of the photo, guys). I, amazingly, was not amused and nuked every aspect of the post including the photograph from facebook. It's still over here, though.
Then yesterday when I posted a picture of my latest work, someone from the high school acquaintance set posted "looks like you have a beard, lulz." This time, I just deleted his comment, and private messaged "wow, that was very not-thoughtful." He replied a few hours later with a "guess we're done here, then" and we're no longer friends. I'm SO very OK with this.
ETA: Add to this, a second historical note: When I was in 7th grade, I was a tiny, highly muscled, active, flat chested, short haired creature whose ancestry clearly hails from the swarthy and fuzzy parts of Europe. I spent the whole year being interrogated if I was boy or a girl. Thanks to new hormones, and the swarthy fuzzy genetics, I was gifted with a rather visible moustache that year. This did not help me deal with these inquisitors. In 8th grade, I wore makeup, had long hair, and bleached my upper lip. They stopped asking those questions, instead moved on to other and on some level more obnoxious queries about my personal choices. ::seethe::
Anyway...
Extra mad props to quiet_elegance who came home about 3 minutes after I read this trolling and was hugely supportive in the moment, then went out of his way to say A+ gold star stuff in his comment, which made me feel hugely valued and appreciated. Sadly, he's not likely to see this since LJ's not part of his social media diet. Further awesome and mad props to everyone else who followed his lead.
.... ::mental gears grind for a while::...
Huh. Well. Look! Lead by example. I love him so much.
Anyway. TL;DR: Please show some etiquette. I'm rewriting my default. I will not sit idly by if there's a lot of static on future posts. I will try to do so with thoughtfulness, which is all I want out of this in the first place.
Some of you may find this relevant to your own posting experience. Some of you may find this educational. I hope to spark thoughtful debate. OK, here we go:
If I post a picture of something that I have made with my own hands, particularly if I call out the degree of "I made this from scratch," please take extra care before you hit the comment button.
- Is your comment relevant to the obvious reason for posting?
- Are you someone who is familiar with what goes into this activity?
- Are we super-duper close friends where you have a good idea that your jokey comment will be heard in the way you meant it?
- Are you following Wheaton's Law?
The context to this is that there has been a trend where one or more of those ticky box answers was "no" within my comment stream to my posts in Facebook. And given how much energy I've expended just today thinking about this, I felt it worth saying using my Out Loud Voice.
Historical context about why I'd go on about this... My experiences from grade school through to high school was, if I actually said "please stop" to a behavior in the hall/during extra curriculars, the response was more often than not: "you've shown weakness, let me now do nothing BUT that thing at you until I find a new thing to torment you with and get fresh tears of rage to feed my soul ::slather slather::" .... I may be dramatizing a bit, but you get the point. Hey, look... this turned into a conversation about consent! Yaaai!
Very specific not-on FB context:
in April, I posted a picture of myself in a newly finished knit. From yarn I made. And somewhere along the line, someone pointed out "U haz a stache, lulz!" (trick of photography, bit of a picture frame could be construed as moustache-like... NOT the point of the photo, guys). I, amazingly, was not amused and nuked every aspect of the post including the photograph from facebook. It's still over here, though.
Then yesterday when I posted a picture of my latest work, someone from the high school acquaintance set posted "looks like you have a beard, lulz." This time, I just deleted his comment, and private messaged "wow, that was very not-thoughtful." He replied a few hours later with a "guess we're done here, then" and we're no longer friends. I'm SO very OK with this.
ETA: Add to this, a second historical note: When I was in 7th grade, I was a tiny, highly muscled, active, flat chested, short haired creature whose ancestry clearly hails from the swarthy and fuzzy parts of Europe. I spent the whole year being interrogated if I was boy or a girl. Thanks to new hormones, and the swarthy fuzzy genetics, I was gifted with a rather visible moustache that year. This did not help me deal with these inquisitors. In 8th grade, I wore makeup, had long hair, and bleached my upper lip. They stopped asking those questions, instead moved on to other and on some level more obnoxious queries about my personal choices. ::seethe::
Anyway...
Extra mad props to quiet_elegance who came home about 3 minutes after I read this trolling and was hugely supportive in the moment, then went out of his way to say A+ gold star stuff in his comment, which made me feel hugely valued and appreciated. Sadly, he's not likely to see this since LJ's not part of his social media diet. Further awesome and mad props to everyone else who followed his lead.
.... ::mental gears grind for a while::...
Huh. Well. Look! Lead by example. I love him so much.
Anyway. TL;DR: Please show some etiquette. I'm rewriting my default. I will not sit idly by if there's a lot of static on future posts. I will try to do so with thoughtfulness, which is all I want out of this in the first place.