I don't get it...
I feel like I've missed something along the way here. Granted, at times that isn't too inaccurate a thought for me. Yes, this is another of those 'I'd rather post this here than burden Justin 115% with it, since it's a vent more than a problem needing fixing', but I know he reads my journal and will give whatever support he can.
So, here goes:
So, I don't get my mother. Yeah, I know, it's not an uncommon sentiment with me. But, with my upcoming Cypress attendance, it brings the 'lack of getting' into sharper focus. I couldn't figure out why to save my life, but then it hit me today. (Well, it hit me and stuck, but same difference.)
See, every time I've tried to save up money towards school in the past, Mom has been very vocal about shooting it down. It's been worse with the economy as it is, since she insists I help with supporting her and Dad. I wouldn't mind that so much, except that it has left me with no means of saving. Whenever I've told her that I'm trying to save toward school, it's garnered the same response from her: She looks me in the eye and tells me I 'shouldn't be saving money for school', that I 'should rely on Financial Aid, since I'll get all the Aid I need'.
Utter. Crap. And it's screwed me epically, since I've given so much to them that I have literally nothing to fall back on. It's become a self-fulfilling prophecy, as I have to mostly rely on Aid to pay for things, instead of being able to live somewhat comfortably with a savings/Aid combination.
Here's the thing. For any of my long-term journal readers, you know that I tried this same song-and-dance for Aid back in 2006. I was a freshly independent student who was looking to pay for her own way. I was turned down, since I had too many units and wasn't in a program of study (ie, Nursing) that they would be willing to provide Aid for. Appeals didn't pan out, either. With all that in mind, you would think she would remember the stress and hassle I went through back then, and encourage me to set a bit aside in case Aid didn't pan out, or was insufficient.
Well, yeah. She didn't. And that has me rather stymied. I'm at the mercy of both Cypress' Financial Aid department and the places up near the school where I'm applying to work. I have to wait to see what flaming hoops the F.A. folks will make me jump through, and hope I don't get burned while trying to go through them. And there are certainly no guarantees I'll get a job that would help me pay for school/augment any Aid I receive. Instead of having a cushion set aside to help me through the first few months, I have nothing.
So in the end, all I can honestly do is hope. And rely on people whom I can trust. It's a bit precarious right now in terms of money, so I'm just praying (as it were, since I don't really pray per se) that things work out. 'Cause I don't know what to do otherwise.
(And while I do still feel a bit anxious, I definitely feel much better since putting all this down. Whew!)
So, here goes:
So, I don't get my mother. Yeah, I know, it's not an uncommon sentiment with me. But, with my upcoming Cypress attendance, it brings the 'lack of getting' into sharper focus. I couldn't figure out why to save my life, but then it hit me today. (Well, it hit me and stuck, but same difference.)
See, every time I've tried to save up money towards school in the past, Mom has been very vocal about shooting it down. It's been worse with the economy as it is, since she insists I help with supporting her and Dad. I wouldn't mind that so much, except that it has left me with no means of saving. Whenever I've told her that I'm trying to save toward school, it's garnered the same response from her: She looks me in the eye and tells me I 'shouldn't be saving money for school', that I 'should rely on Financial Aid, since I'll get all the Aid I need'.
Utter. Crap. And it's screwed me epically, since I've given so much to them that I have literally nothing to fall back on. It's become a self-fulfilling prophecy, as I have to mostly rely on Aid to pay for things, instead of being able to live somewhat comfortably with a savings/Aid combination.
Here's the thing. For any of my long-term journal readers, you know that I tried this same song-and-dance for Aid back in 2006. I was a freshly independent student who was looking to pay for her own way. I was turned down, since I had too many units and wasn't in a program of study (ie, Nursing) that they would be willing to provide Aid for. Appeals didn't pan out, either. With all that in mind, you would think she would remember the stress and hassle I went through back then, and encourage me to set a bit aside in case Aid didn't pan out, or was insufficient.
Well, yeah. She didn't. And that has me rather stymied. I'm at the mercy of both Cypress' Financial Aid department and the places up near the school where I'm applying to work. I have to wait to see what flaming hoops the F.A. folks will make me jump through, and hope I don't get burned while trying to go through them. And there are certainly no guarantees I'll get a job that would help me pay for school/augment any Aid I receive. Instead of having a cushion set aside to help me through the first few months, I have nothing.
So in the end, all I can honestly do is hope. And rely on people whom I can trust. It's a bit precarious right now in terms of money, so I'm just praying (as it were, since I don't really pray per se) that things work out. 'Cause I don't know what to do otherwise.
(And while I do still feel a bit anxious, I definitely feel much better since putting all this down. Whew!)