having vs being
it has been forever since i posted. i even thought i'll never be writing in this anymore as i keep myself busy but i'm compelled to write an entry because my head is just about to explode with my own thoughts..
my switch to a different position (within the same organization) has actually brought out alot of displeasure within me when being at work. i still feel bitter when i think of what happened and when i thought i'm less hurt, i get proven wrong and find myself in another emotional meltdown.
i know its just normal to be unhappy with your job... and im sure im not alone in this. and that unhappiness has led me to try and seek job opportunities elsewhere. receiving a few turn down letters has already drawn me to think negatively and being as insecure as ever, my morale and self-confidence is running thin..
i tell myself that i should be content that i still have a good-paying job, while others are struggling to even land a job.. but i feel empty.. i feel as if i have accomplished nothing.. the fact that companies will not even take me in for trainee engineers position led me to think that perhaps i didnt notice the red flags.. maybe im just not cut out to be an engineer..
im glad that i have a side project to keep myself busy and gives me some extra cash on the side.. but when i hear of peers working as engineers with real technical skills involved, i feel worthless.. well i guess i was lazy back in university and busy chasing after an illusion.. so i suppose i deserve it...
i was reading Paulo Coelho's The Winner Stands Alone and came across this line:
"..At the first sign of indifference or lack of enthusiasm, take note! the only preventive against this disease is the realization that the soul suffers, suffers greatly, when we force it to live superficially..."
and i cant help but relate.. whenever i hear upon other people's travels, possessions and good-standing, i cant help feel envy of their good luck.. it is such a disease! have i turn shallow and superficial? actually i know this isnt something new to me and i often try to handle it by hiding it in and not letting it surface.. eventually this will lead me to avoid the person so that my insecurity will not kill me inside..
when i pray, i ask that Allah help me rid of the feeling of envy and jealousy and i constantly tell myself that i have already been blessed with things that i need.. after all, you can't always get what you want..
i want to be a better person.. i want to be one of those who are content with the blessings Allah has given me...
this post reminded me of that episode from CSI:
"The philosopher Erich Fromm, he forecast a society that was obsessed with possessions. He believed that human beings had two basic orientations: having and being. Now, a person with a having orientation seeks to acquire and possess things, property, even people.
But a person with a being orientation focuses on the experience. They derive meaning from exchanging, engaging and sharing with other people.
Unfortunately, Fromm also predicted that a culture driven by commercialism, like the one we live in today, is doomed to the having orientation. Which leads to dissatisfaction and emptiness. (...)
The point is there's always going to be extremes (...). Things don't have to mean everything, nor do they have to be devoid of meaning. They are one of the ways in which we can experience and enjoy life."
my switch to a different position (within the same organization) has actually brought out alot of displeasure within me when being at work. i still feel bitter when i think of what happened and when i thought i'm less hurt, i get proven wrong and find myself in another emotional meltdown.
i know its just normal to be unhappy with your job... and im sure im not alone in this. and that unhappiness has led me to try and seek job opportunities elsewhere. receiving a few turn down letters has already drawn me to think negatively and being as insecure as ever, my morale and self-confidence is running thin..
i tell myself that i should be content that i still have a good-paying job, while others are struggling to even land a job.. but i feel empty.. i feel as if i have accomplished nothing.. the fact that companies will not even take me in for trainee engineers position led me to think that perhaps i didnt notice the red flags.. maybe im just not cut out to be an engineer..
im glad that i have a side project to keep myself busy and gives me some extra cash on the side.. but when i hear of peers working as engineers with real technical skills involved, i feel worthless.. well i guess i was lazy back in university and busy chasing after an illusion.. so i suppose i deserve it...
i was reading Paulo Coelho's The Winner Stands Alone and came across this line:
"..At the first sign of indifference or lack of enthusiasm, take note! the only preventive against this disease is the realization that the soul suffers, suffers greatly, when we force it to live superficially..."
and i cant help but relate.. whenever i hear upon other people's travels, possessions and good-standing, i cant help feel envy of their good luck.. it is such a disease! have i turn shallow and superficial? actually i know this isnt something new to me and i often try to handle it by hiding it in and not letting it surface.. eventually this will lead me to avoid the person so that my insecurity will not kill me inside..
when i pray, i ask that Allah help me rid of the feeling of envy and jealousy and i constantly tell myself that i have already been blessed with things that i need.. after all, you can't always get what you want..
i want to be a better person.. i want to be one of those who are content with the blessings Allah has given me...
this post reminded me of that episode from CSI:
"The philosopher Erich Fromm, he forecast a society that was obsessed with possessions. He believed that human beings had two basic orientations: having and being. Now, a person with a having orientation seeks to acquire and possess things, property, even people.
But a person with a being orientation focuses on the experience. They derive meaning from exchanging, engaging and sharing with other people.
Unfortunately, Fromm also predicted that a culture driven by commercialism, like the one we live in today, is doomed to the having orientation. Which leads to dissatisfaction and emptiness. (...)
The point is there's always going to be extremes (...). Things don't have to mean everything, nor do they have to be devoid of meaning. They are one of the ways in which we can experience and enjoy life."