Fanfiction: His Place
Being uncomfortable isn’t the proper term to describe it when they first kissed. It was a spur of the moment type of kiss; they got too caught up with the atmosphere that they failed to see when they were already leaning closer; closing the little gap they had between them. Reality crashed down when they simultaneously felt soft pressure on their lips.
It was a sloppy kiss, one that you would call a little bit amateur or something that high schoolers would usually do. But it didn’t matter because somehow it felt like one of the most amazing kiss Jin has ever had.
They didn’t know why they closed their eyes instead of pulling away. Jin didn’t know why he wrapped his arms around Ueda’s thin waist. Ueda can’t see the reason why he wrapped his arms around Jin’s neck. They weren’t supposed to be doing this because they’re friends and friends, as far as they know, didn’t do this kind of things.
They didn’t bring it up the next day, or the day after. The random kisses continued but none of the two ever had the courage to ask what this is between them. Jin was comfortable with that, Ueda on the other hand wasn’t.
But he has to be okay because he’s Ueda.
----------------------------
Ueda’s first time was harsh and unforgiving. It was more of an I-want-to-release-my-anger-so-I’m-going-to-fuck-you type of fuck. But Ueda did not mind because he offered himself. He offered himself to comfort Kame after finding out that Jin is going on hiatus.
He knew that the two were close even if there were a lot of rumors about the two having a rift over Kame’s early debut. But they were okay. They had been okay after a round of shouting and a few punches. Jin and Kame had shouted at each other until their voices were raw; they beat the shit out of each other until their group mates felt the need to intervene. It was not the best way to make up with each other but all that mattered was it worked.
So now, Kame thought they were okay. They were finally going back to normal, the normality that they could only explain, even if it happens only at the sanctuary of their own homes and sometimes, their personal dressing room. But Kame thought wrong. Because if they were indeed okay, Jin…no Akanishi would never do something as ludicrous as going on hiatus after they have fucking debuted.
Ueda sympathized and saw how the anger and underlying sadness was slowly eating the man. So he offered himself. He offered his body so that Kame can release his emotions: his anger, his pain, his sadness, his everything.
It hurt, fuck did it hurt. It was painful to feel Kame thrust his cock raw and dry against his unprepared hole. The pain was excruciating when Kame bit his neck so hard that it marred the skin and produced blood. But what broke his heart was when Kame did come, it was still Jin’s name that he shouted. He on the other hand did not come that night.
When he woke up the next morning, Kame was nowhere to be found. All he saw was a small note saying, Ueda, Thank you…I’m sorry. - K.K
Ueda rushed to the shower immediately because he will never admit that along with the falling droplets of water from the shower head were his bitter tears.
----------------------------
When Jin returned from Los Angeles, Ueda hugged the man and whispered how happy he was to finally have him back. Jin smiled at him and told him how happy he was to be back in Japan.
He did not expect the other man to visit him in his apartment that night though. He was expecting the man to explain his actions to Kame because it was Kame who did not receive the news of his hiatus well. It was Kame who was probably most depressed about Jin leaving, not him.
But it was nearing midnight when the doorbell rang and Ueda wrapped his bathrobe, tying it loosely, before opening the door.
Akanishi Jin stood their soaking wet, most probably because of the rain. Jin grabbed his right arm before crashing their lips together. It was not gentle but rather harsh, possessive and dominating. From the streaks of tears in Jin’s face, he can somehow figure out what had happened.
They had sex that night. It was far from what he and Kame had. When Kame was uncaring, Jin was gentle. Even if Jin needed the comfort, he managed to make sure that Ueda was not hurting as well.
But the aftermath was not something that he, in any way, had expected. Jin started crying, asking for comfort, for anything to soothe the raging pain in his chest. Ueda hugged the man to his chest and rubbed his back softly, whispering words of console to the man’s ears.
Jin looked at him with tears blurring his vision and asked in a soft voice if it was truly wrong for him to pursue his dream of learning. He doesn’t want to be stupid Jin all his life. He doesn’t want to be Bakanishi because maybe even Bakanishi also has to grow up at some point.
Ueda shook his head and told him that anybody is allowed to pursue his dream even if sometimes it may cost something precious. Jin nodded in understanding, but he can still feel the pain radiating from the other man’s body.
When he felt that Jin was asleep, Ueda couldn’t help but smile bitterly. ‘Why is it I that always need to do the comforting? When are they ever going to realize that they are slowly breaking me too?’
----------------------------
When he heard that Jin and Kame had gotten together, he was one of those people who smiled and congratulated them. He teased Jin and Kame for needing a long time before finally figuring out their feeling for each other.
They deserved it. They ought to have all the smiles he could give them. And if he was careful to keep his eyes from looking a little downcast, then maybe they won’t see how much he is hurting for being thrown away so easily after the two had broken him.
That night with Kame cracked him. He had long realized that his feelings for the younger boy were not in any way platonic or brotherly. He loves the man with all his heart. And even if he knew what was going to happen, he offered himself. Because it’s okay for him to be breaking as long as Kame was happy.
The unexpected kisses with Jin were soothing, although a little bit bothering. But that night at his apartment, the passionate sounds and moans of pleasure that he heard from Jin broke him. Because somehow, he felt that Jin was seeing him as another person. Maybe in Jin’s vision, his face is slowly morphing into that of Kame’s. And he is hurting because he can never fully figure out why he lets Jin do this to him.
He excused himself because tears are once again forming in his eyes. It would be best not to bother the couple with his emotional issues. After all, he was not even supposed to have issues with them getting together and all.
When he exited the room, he did not notice two pairs or eyes following him; one worried and the other guilty.
----------------------------
It was a matter of convenience. All the things that they do together are a matter of convenience; mostly for him.
When Kamenashi asked him to move in, he said that it will be convenient since Ueda lives quite far from the office and Kamenashi needs a roommate to share the rental fee of the condominium.
He asked why it has to be him when he can simply ask Jin to move in with him. Kamenashi sighed, as if he was exhausted, and replied that if he wanted something complicated and hard he’d definitely go for Jin. But what he needs is something practical, someone easy, someone like Ueda.
Ueda doesn’t seem to believe him and Kame is starting to doubt his acting skills but Ueda calls his landlord before leaving the dressing room. Kame smiles in triumph.
----------------------------
In his mind, Ueda does not know what dangerous game Kame is trying to play. After avoiding him like a plague for days which is an impossible feat itself considering that they were group mates and all, the man started talking to him. Then they were like best friends again and now, he even asked Ueda to move in with him.
Sometimes Ueda does not fully understand how Kame’s mind works. He is kind of wary at what the other could be playing at but decides to just ignore and believe the reason Kame gave him. No matter how ridiculous it is.
----------------------------
The first surprise was that he was kissing Kame. The second surprise was that Ueda was the one who started it. The kiss was gentle, far from the kisses they had first shared.
They had no idea how it happened or why it even happened. Kame was moving in the boxes, asking if he wanted lunch and all of a sudden, their lips were together. Kame was pressed against the pristine walls of the kitchen, Ueda’s hips pressed against him quite intimately.
Instead of pulling away, Kame leaned in, enjoying the soft pressure of skin against skin. His cheek was resting against Ueda’s quite sweaty neck.
“I love you.” Ueda said, so softly that Kame may have not even heard it.
”I know. I can feel it.” Kame replied, his voice turning quite tired and exhausted.
“You love Jin.”
“You do too.”
No words were spoken when Kame started unbuttoning Ueda’s pants.
----------------------------
The next morning, Ueda was surprised to see himself alone in Kame’s bed. He stood up and took his pants and shirt before going out. He thought that when it happened again, it’s going to hurt less. Apparently, he was wrong.
He saw Jin and Kame carrying boxes that were messily labeled; some were his boxes but some were labeled in Jin’s messy scrawls. He looked at Kame, silently questioning what is happening.
Kame smiled at him, and said that Jin was moving in with them. Ueda nodded before retreating back to his room. He went to his shower and immediately cleanses himself; cleanse himself from kame’s essence, from the sin that he had sex with a committed man, from the mistake that he betrayed Jin.
When Ueda was out of hearing range, Jin turned to Kame.
“You did not tell him that I was moving in as well.”
“It was a surprise.”
Jin sighed. Sometimes, he himself cannot understand how Kame’s mind worked.
----------------------------
When Kame went out to get some groceries, Jin and Ueda were left in the living room. The atmosphere was thick, the tension suffocating. Ueda looked at Jin nervously before deciding to just listen to some music in his own room.
Before he opens his door, Jin spoke loud and clear.
“I know what happened.”
Silence.
“I know you love him.”
“…I’m s-sorry.”
Silence.
“I can move out.”
“No, I want you to stay. Kame would want you to stay.”
Silence.
“I know you love me.”
A broken sob.
“But even when we know so many things about whatever this is between us, I want you to know something.”
Ueda’s grip on the doorknob was so hard and tight, that it was turning his knuckles white. Dark spots on the mahogany floor were forming.
“I love you. Even if I’m a dumb ass and even if I tend to be stupid and inarticulate, I love you. I don’t know how I’m capable of loving you and Kame at the same but I can. That night was one of the most precious nights in my life. I know that it confused you and I never made my feeling clear. But it’s because at first, I can’t understand it myself. Those gentle, random kisses that we shared were so exhilarating. It made me feel alive. Please, Tat-chan…”
Ueda stayed and listened, sliding down the door. He sobbed loudly, hugging his knees close to his chest. He is slowly breaking, and somehow he hoped that these two men would know how to put him back together.
----------------------------
Kame walked in to find, Jin and Ueda asleep on the floor; Ueda with his head leaning against Jin’s shoulder while Jin’s arms are wrapped around Ueda’s waist.
He put down the grocery bags before proceeding to wake the two of them up.
“Hey, why don’t you two wake up and rest on the bed while I go and make dinner?”
Ueda woke up and blinked his eyes. When he saw where he was and whose arms were around his waist stood up immediately, all traces of sleep gone. He bowed to Kame before apologizing profusely. But before he could even ran to the sanctuary of his bedroom, his wrist was caught in a tight grip. He looked at the owner of the pale hand and saw that it was Kame.
“You love us.”
You don’t love me, remained unspoken. Jin remained silent.
“Ueda, stop being your angst filled self and listen to me. It’s hard to share. I’m a greedy person and I have always wanted things that are usually too much. Asking you to be with me when I have feelings for Jin was rude. Fuck, having sex with you while I shouted Jin’s name was cruel. I know that I probably don’t deserve a second chance but please, listen to me.
There were times when I regret accepting your comfort. And there were times when I feel so angered and question myself how pathetic I looked for you to offer a pity fuck. Yet I realized that it was not how pathetic I am, nor is it about you pitying me. I accepted your comfort because it was you. You offered yourself because maybe you love me too.
When I found out about your kisses with Jin, I was hurt. It was not same pain I felt when Jin left the band; when he left me. But it was the pain wherein I felt betrayed, like I was lied to. It was neither because I love Jin nor because I love you. It was because I did not know what part I hold in both of your hearts. I was torn.
When I found out you slept with him, I could not blame you nor can I blame Jin. I can only blame myself because I know that somehow it was my fault. I drove him away and at the same time, I never took a chance to talk to you. I ignored you, disregarded your presence. Fuck, I didn’t even give you proper thanks when you comforted me that night. I’m…I’m really sorry.”
“Sometimes, Kame, maybe sorry isn’t enough.”
Dinner was a forgotten story and all you can hear throughout the whole apartment was words of comfort and an anguish cry of pain and longing.
----------------------------
The road they were taking was not an easy one because most of the things in life are not meant for three. Most of the stories life does not start with an angst filled fuck before they get into a relationship. No, it certainly did not start that way. Ueda doubted them most of the time, Kame failed to remember that he has priorities other than his work; Jin sometimes forget that they were three in whatever they call this relationship nowadays. It was not Jin and Ueda, nor was it Kame and Ueda. It’ll never be Jin and Kame again. It was Jin, Kame and Ueda now.
The three of them are different, bound by different limitations, used to different environments. It was hard, if not painful to be together with each other.
But it was Akanishi, Kamenashi and Ueda. They try to make it work the best they could, the only way they could. Their way is unorthodox. They know laughter is not enough. They know that maybe even love isn’t enough.
They know a lot of things but they wonder if it is enough to make it work.
It was not flawless by any means. It was not easy and sometimes their relationship is just full of drama. Their personalities just don’t get along together. They’re differences overrules their similarities. And it was hard; but Jin is too optimistic.
They’ll make it work. Yes, they will.
----------------------------
The first time they slept together, it was messy. Ueda, although already had sex with both men on different times, was feeling quite awkward to have sex with them together at the same time. He felt weird for he did not know what he was really supposed to do but Kame was softer, gentler this time. And Jin guided him through gentle words, whispering in his ear what he should do.
Sometimes, Ueda would wonder what his role in this relationship is. He feels left out whenever he sees the looks Jin and Kame share together. They talk about things that he sometimes cannot relate to.
But every night, when they sleep in the bed that was quite small for three very grown men, he will then realize that he sometimes keeps the balance in their relationship. He was their anchor of comfort, someone who will make sure that Jin doesn’t get too sensitive and perverted; and he does keep Kamenashi from those cancer sticks whenever he’s just too stressed. He gives Jin the comfort that sometimes Kame cannot give, and he gives Kame the right words for the man to feel that he is never alone.
The first time they slept in the same bed, Kame refused to be in the middle. He doesn’t like being squished and the feeling of cramped in a small space. Jin took another negative, saying that he couldn’t sleep with two people restraining him.
Ueda takes the middle. It wasn’t nice as most people make it out to be. Jin is too clingy and insists on intertwining their legs despite the humid temperature. Kame’s bony elbows tend to hit him at the most tender places.
But in some sick and twisted way, Ueda somehow felt comfortable in the middle; comfortable to be in the same room with the two of them ever since this whole ordeal started. Because Ueda’splace in this relationship will never be with one of them alone. He’ll never be only Jin’s, nor will he ever be only Kame’s.
His place is between them, in the center. Yeah, just right here.
OWARI
Author's Note: Although I am not very confident on the style and plot that i used in this story, I hope you would still share your thought and comment. I will really appreciate any points of improvement. :) Thank you.
It was a sloppy kiss, one that you would call a little bit amateur or something that high schoolers would usually do. But it didn’t matter because somehow it felt like one of the most amazing kiss Jin has ever had.
They didn’t know why they closed their eyes instead of pulling away. Jin didn’t know why he wrapped his arms around Ueda’s thin waist. Ueda can’t see the reason why he wrapped his arms around Jin’s neck. They weren’t supposed to be doing this because they’re friends and friends, as far as they know, didn’t do this kind of things.
They didn’t bring it up the next day, or the day after. The random kisses continued but none of the two ever had the courage to ask what this is between them. Jin was comfortable with that, Ueda on the other hand wasn’t.
But he has to be okay because he’s Ueda.
----------------------------
Ueda’s first time was harsh and unforgiving. It was more of an I-want-to-release-my-anger-so-I’m-going-to-fuck-you type of fuck. But Ueda did not mind because he offered himself. He offered himself to comfort Kame after finding out that Jin is going on hiatus.
He knew that the two were close even if there were a lot of rumors about the two having a rift over Kame’s early debut. But they were okay. They had been okay after a round of shouting and a few punches. Jin and Kame had shouted at each other until their voices were raw; they beat the shit out of each other until their group mates felt the need to intervene. It was not the best way to make up with each other but all that mattered was it worked.
So now, Kame thought they were okay. They were finally going back to normal, the normality that they could only explain, even if it happens only at the sanctuary of their own homes and sometimes, their personal dressing room. But Kame thought wrong. Because if they were indeed okay, Jin…no Akanishi would never do something as ludicrous as going on hiatus after they have fucking debuted.
Ueda sympathized and saw how the anger and underlying sadness was slowly eating the man. So he offered himself. He offered his body so that Kame can release his emotions: his anger, his pain, his sadness, his everything.
It hurt, fuck did it hurt. It was painful to feel Kame thrust his cock raw and dry against his unprepared hole. The pain was excruciating when Kame bit his neck so hard that it marred the skin and produced blood. But what broke his heart was when Kame did come, it was still Jin’s name that he shouted. He on the other hand did not come that night.
When he woke up the next morning, Kame was nowhere to be found. All he saw was a small note saying, Ueda, Thank you…I’m sorry. - K.K
Ueda rushed to the shower immediately because he will never admit that along with the falling droplets of water from the shower head were his bitter tears.
----------------------------
When Jin returned from Los Angeles, Ueda hugged the man and whispered how happy he was to finally have him back. Jin smiled at him and told him how happy he was to be back in Japan.
He did not expect the other man to visit him in his apartment that night though. He was expecting the man to explain his actions to Kame because it was Kame who did not receive the news of his hiatus well. It was Kame who was probably most depressed about Jin leaving, not him.
But it was nearing midnight when the doorbell rang and Ueda wrapped his bathrobe, tying it loosely, before opening the door.
Akanishi Jin stood their soaking wet, most probably because of the rain. Jin grabbed his right arm before crashing their lips together. It was not gentle but rather harsh, possessive and dominating. From the streaks of tears in Jin’s face, he can somehow figure out what had happened.
They had sex that night. It was far from what he and Kame had. When Kame was uncaring, Jin was gentle. Even if Jin needed the comfort, he managed to make sure that Ueda was not hurting as well.
But the aftermath was not something that he, in any way, had expected. Jin started crying, asking for comfort, for anything to soothe the raging pain in his chest. Ueda hugged the man to his chest and rubbed his back softly, whispering words of console to the man’s ears.
Jin looked at him with tears blurring his vision and asked in a soft voice if it was truly wrong for him to pursue his dream of learning. He doesn’t want to be stupid Jin all his life. He doesn’t want to be Bakanishi because maybe even Bakanishi also has to grow up at some point.
Ueda shook his head and told him that anybody is allowed to pursue his dream even if sometimes it may cost something precious. Jin nodded in understanding, but he can still feel the pain radiating from the other man’s body.
When he felt that Jin was asleep, Ueda couldn’t help but smile bitterly. ‘Why is it I that always need to do the comforting? When are they ever going to realize that they are slowly breaking me too?’
----------------------------
When he heard that Jin and Kame had gotten together, he was one of those people who smiled and congratulated them. He teased Jin and Kame for needing a long time before finally figuring out their feeling for each other.
They deserved it. They ought to have all the smiles he could give them. And if he was careful to keep his eyes from looking a little downcast, then maybe they won’t see how much he is hurting for being thrown away so easily after the two had broken him.
That night with Kame cracked him. He had long realized that his feelings for the younger boy were not in any way platonic or brotherly. He loves the man with all his heart. And even if he knew what was going to happen, he offered himself. Because it’s okay for him to be breaking as long as Kame was happy.
The unexpected kisses with Jin were soothing, although a little bit bothering. But that night at his apartment, the passionate sounds and moans of pleasure that he heard from Jin broke him. Because somehow, he felt that Jin was seeing him as another person. Maybe in Jin’s vision, his face is slowly morphing into that of Kame’s. And he is hurting because he can never fully figure out why he lets Jin do this to him.
He excused himself because tears are once again forming in his eyes. It would be best not to bother the couple with his emotional issues. After all, he was not even supposed to have issues with them getting together and all.
When he exited the room, he did not notice two pairs or eyes following him; one worried and the other guilty.
----------------------------
It was a matter of convenience. All the things that they do together are a matter of convenience; mostly for him.
When Kamenashi asked him to move in, he said that it will be convenient since Ueda lives quite far from the office and Kamenashi needs a roommate to share the rental fee of the condominium.
He asked why it has to be him when he can simply ask Jin to move in with him. Kamenashi sighed, as if he was exhausted, and replied that if he wanted something complicated and hard he’d definitely go for Jin. But what he needs is something practical, someone easy, someone like Ueda.
Ueda doesn’t seem to believe him and Kame is starting to doubt his acting skills but Ueda calls his landlord before leaving the dressing room. Kame smiles in triumph.
----------------------------
In his mind, Ueda does not know what dangerous game Kame is trying to play. After avoiding him like a plague for days which is an impossible feat itself considering that they were group mates and all, the man started talking to him. Then they were like best friends again and now, he even asked Ueda to move in with him.
Sometimes Ueda does not fully understand how Kame’s mind works. He is kind of wary at what the other could be playing at but decides to just ignore and believe the reason Kame gave him. No matter how ridiculous it is.
----------------------------
The first surprise was that he was kissing Kame. The second surprise was that Ueda was the one who started it. The kiss was gentle, far from the kisses they had first shared.
They had no idea how it happened or why it even happened. Kame was moving in the boxes, asking if he wanted lunch and all of a sudden, their lips were together. Kame was pressed against the pristine walls of the kitchen, Ueda’s hips pressed against him quite intimately.
Instead of pulling away, Kame leaned in, enjoying the soft pressure of skin against skin. His cheek was resting against Ueda’s quite sweaty neck.
“I love you.” Ueda said, so softly that Kame may have not even heard it.
”I know. I can feel it.” Kame replied, his voice turning quite tired and exhausted.
“You love Jin.”
“You do too.”
No words were spoken when Kame started unbuttoning Ueda’s pants.
----------------------------
The next morning, Ueda was surprised to see himself alone in Kame’s bed. He stood up and took his pants and shirt before going out. He thought that when it happened again, it’s going to hurt less. Apparently, he was wrong.
He saw Jin and Kame carrying boxes that were messily labeled; some were his boxes but some were labeled in Jin’s messy scrawls. He looked at Kame, silently questioning what is happening.
Kame smiled at him, and said that Jin was moving in with them. Ueda nodded before retreating back to his room. He went to his shower and immediately cleanses himself; cleanse himself from kame’s essence, from the sin that he had sex with a committed man, from the mistake that he betrayed Jin.
When Ueda was out of hearing range, Jin turned to Kame.
“You did not tell him that I was moving in as well.”
“It was a surprise.”
Jin sighed. Sometimes, he himself cannot understand how Kame’s mind worked.
----------------------------
When Kame went out to get some groceries, Jin and Ueda were left in the living room. The atmosphere was thick, the tension suffocating. Ueda looked at Jin nervously before deciding to just listen to some music in his own room.
Before he opens his door, Jin spoke loud and clear.
“I know what happened.”
Silence.
“I know you love him.”
“…I’m s-sorry.”
Silence.
“I can move out.”
“No, I want you to stay. Kame would want you to stay.”
Silence.
“I know you love me.”
A broken sob.
“But even when we know so many things about whatever this is between us, I want you to know something.”
Ueda’s grip on the doorknob was so hard and tight, that it was turning his knuckles white. Dark spots on the mahogany floor were forming.
“I love you. Even if I’m a dumb ass and even if I tend to be stupid and inarticulate, I love you. I don’t know how I’m capable of loving you and Kame at the same but I can. That night was one of the most precious nights in my life. I know that it confused you and I never made my feeling clear. But it’s because at first, I can’t understand it myself. Those gentle, random kisses that we shared were so exhilarating. It made me feel alive. Please, Tat-chan…”
Ueda stayed and listened, sliding down the door. He sobbed loudly, hugging his knees close to his chest. He is slowly breaking, and somehow he hoped that these two men would know how to put him back together.
----------------------------
Kame walked in to find, Jin and Ueda asleep on the floor; Ueda with his head leaning against Jin’s shoulder while Jin’s arms are wrapped around Ueda’s waist.
He put down the grocery bags before proceeding to wake the two of them up.
“Hey, why don’t you two wake up and rest on the bed while I go and make dinner?”
Ueda woke up and blinked his eyes. When he saw where he was and whose arms were around his waist stood up immediately, all traces of sleep gone. He bowed to Kame before apologizing profusely. But before he could even ran to the sanctuary of his bedroom, his wrist was caught in a tight grip. He looked at the owner of the pale hand and saw that it was Kame.
“You love us.”
You don’t love me, remained unspoken. Jin remained silent.
“Ueda, stop being your angst filled self and listen to me. It’s hard to share. I’m a greedy person and I have always wanted things that are usually too much. Asking you to be with me when I have feelings for Jin was rude. Fuck, having sex with you while I shouted Jin’s name was cruel. I know that I probably don’t deserve a second chance but please, listen to me.
There were times when I regret accepting your comfort. And there were times when I feel so angered and question myself how pathetic I looked for you to offer a pity fuck. Yet I realized that it was not how pathetic I am, nor is it about you pitying me. I accepted your comfort because it was you. You offered yourself because maybe you love me too.
When I found out about your kisses with Jin, I was hurt. It was not same pain I felt when Jin left the band; when he left me. But it was the pain wherein I felt betrayed, like I was lied to. It was neither because I love Jin nor because I love you. It was because I did not know what part I hold in both of your hearts. I was torn.
When I found out you slept with him, I could not blame you nor can I blame Jin. I can only blame myself because I know that somehow it was my fault. I drove him away and at the same time, I never took a chance to talk to you. I ignored you, disregarded your presence. Fuck, I didn’t even give you proper thanks when you comforted me that night. I’m…I’m really sorry.”
“Sometimes, Kame, maybe sorry isn’t enough.”
Dinner was a forgotten story and all you can hear throughout the whole apartment was words of comfort and an anguish cry of pain and longing.
----------------------------
The road they were taking was not an easy one because most of the things in life are not meant for three. Most of the stories life does not start with an angst filled fuck before they get into a relationship. No, it certainly did not start that way. Ueda doubted them most of the time, Kame failed to remember that he has priorities other than his work; Jin sometimes forget that they were three in whatever they call this relationship nowadays. It was not Jin and Ueda, nor was it Kame and Ueda. It’ll never be Jin and Kame again. It was Jin, Kame and Ueda now.
The three of them are different, bound by different limitations, used to different environments. It was hard, if not painful to be together with each other.
But it was Akanishi, Kamenashi and Ueda. They try to make it work the best they could, the only way they could. Their way is unorthodox. They know laughter is not enough. They know that maybe even love isn’t enough.
They know a lot of things but they wonder if it is enough to make it work.
It was not flawless by any means. It was not easy and sometimes their relationship is just full of drama. Their personalities just don’t get along together. They’re differences overrules their similarities. And it was hard; but Jin is too optimistic.
They’ll make it work. Yes, they will.
----------------------------
The first time they slept together, it was messy. Ueda, although already had sex with both men on different times, was feeling quite awkward to have sex with them together at the same time. He felt weird for he did not know what he was really supposed to do but Kame was softer, gentler this time. And Jin guided him through gentle words, whispering in his ear what he should do.
Sometimes, Ueda would wonder what his role in this relationship is. He feels left out whenever he sees the looks Jin and Kame share together. They talk about things that he sometimes cannot relate to.
But every night, when they sleep in the bed that was quite small for three very grown men, he will then realize that he sometimes keeps the balance in their relationship. He was their anchor of comfort, someone who will make sure that Jin doesn’t get too sensitive and perverted; and he does keep Kamenashi from those cancer sticks whenever he’s just too stressed. He gives Jin the comfort that sometimes Kame cannot give, and he gives Kame the right words for the man to feel that he is never alone.
The first time they slept in the same bed, Kame refused to be in the middle. He doesn’t like being squished and the feeling of cramped in a small space. Jin took another negative, saying that he couldn’t sleep with two people restraining him.
Ueda takes the middle. It wasn’t nice as most people make it out to be. Jin is too clingy and insists on intertwining their legs despite the humid temperature. Kame’s bony elbows tend to hit him at the most tender places.
But in some sick and twisted way, Ueda somehow felt comfortable in the middle; comfortable to be in the same room with the two of them ever since this whole ordeal started. Because Ueda’splace in this relationship will never be with one of them alone. He’ll never be only Jin’s, nor will he ever be only Kame’s.
His place is between them, in the center. Yeah, just right here.
OWARI
Author's Note: Although I am not very confident on the style and plot that i used in this story, I hope you would still share your thought and comment. I will really appreciate any points of improvement. :) Thank you.