４月３: Quarter Life
I've never been publicly vain (yes, I am vain. I think.), but I'm posting a picture of myself today so that there's an entry to amuse myself with when I go back to this time of the year that I turned 25.
Yes, happy birthday to me.
Somehow, this picture seems so detached from my other self-portrait pictures. To be honest, I've avoided front shots simply because I'm insecure with my nose; I suppose the picture can explain why. However, I'm taking a deeper meaning out of this and the realization hits me. Your front view is the image you project to the world. It's your face's whole features exposed to everyone; your flaws, your soul bear to be scrutinized. I look at this image now and I see a woman not older than 30, not younger than 20 and she's though, yet she seems so tough it's almost fake; her lips not smiling, not frowning either. She's looking straight at the camera, almost lifeless.
This is how I am at 25: almost lost.
Suddenly, I have a feeling that there's a great change coming my way. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Nonetheless, I think this is the change I need. There are things to lose and hopefully, things to gain this year.
For a while, I thought this day sucked. I woke up on the morning of my birthday thinking oh...it's a normal day, and nothing is ever normal about that. Up until later, I thought nothing made me feel special today. Nothing. Later this day I checked my chatlines, FB, twitter, and phone. There are friends who left random messages and the generic HBD! for today's occasion. Anyway, I appreciate the effort. Those people I've met in the past and recently has connected with again, they are precious to me, so I appreciate every single individual who gave the effort to greet, to take the time to remember me, though unconsciously, from the past.
So, whatever.
Life, come and get me.
I'm ready.