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Man I had some crazy fucking dreams about Diru last night. I so shouldn't be allowed to fall asleep listening to them. XD It almost felt like The Wizard of Oz. lol. "You were there, and you, and you..."
Sarah, Niki, Steph, Kevin, Alex... even Liz was in it a little bit, as well as some of the people we met at Inward Scream. XD But it was mostly me and my girls. For some reason, Kevin had to stay home (as did Alex, obviously) while the girls and I hung out with Diru for the rest of their tour. (it was set like...next year? later this year? *shrug* whenever they come back to Boston next, that's when my dream took place XD)
For the sake of the people who don't give a shit, I'm lj-cutting
So, the six of us (me, my girls, Kevin, and Alex) went to a Diru concert. We got there mad early, so when we were finally allowed in, we got right up front. I feel bad for the people behind us, since we took turns holding Alex on our shoulders. XD Though she was standing between me and Niki for G.D.S. so we could all headbang and stuff. And I made sure Alex said "kill", not "Kyo" or "chau". lol. (I also made her promise that if she told her parents about Kyo carving the hell out of his mouth and chest on stage, she'd make sure to tell them it was all fake. they'd murder me for taking her with us if they knew it was real ^^;;;)
Like I did at Family Values and Inward Scream, I screamed "Kyo-sama, aishiteru!" in between songs. I always will. XD And, just like I've bee teaching her to, Alex screamed "Die-sama, daisuki!" (actually, I've been telling her to say "aishiteru", but she likes "daisuki" better now, and since his name is Daisuke, I think it's a cute little play on words, so we're going with that now lol)
And now comes the part where even my dream self knew this definitely wasn't real. XD They played Shokubeni, and, as always when I hear that song, I closed my eyes and sang along with everything I had. Somehow, it escaped my attention that halfway through the song, I couldn't hear Kyo's voice anymore, but I heard my own clearly. Turned out the little imp had held the mic out to me for the soft part (the part he usually sings a capella). After I finished the verse, I opened my eyes, saw the mic in my face, and hid behind Sarah. XD
Then Diru took a little break, but instead of disappearing backstage for a few minutes, Kyo and Nora (their translator lol) and a couple of those annoying security guys came out to talk to me. I was like "wha?? O.O" lol. He (through Nora, though I caught a word here and there) asked me my name (I said "Kurai", of course ^^) and my favorite Diru song, to which I honestly answered "I really don't have one. The closest thing I have is a favorite album - Vulgar." I guess I could call Shokubeni my "favorite" song, but it's really not. It's one of them, sure, but I mostly mention it so much because it's the song I've used to practice screaming for a really long time. And it's beautiful. It touches me. It reaches my very core. But so do most of their songs. That's why I love Diru so much.
Ok, moving on... XD
So, I was standing there fidgeting and mostly looking either at the floor or at Nora when she translated for either me or Kyo, and when I said something in Japanese, I spoke as politely and respectfully as possible, which apparently amused him. He laughed at me and said he hadn't expected me to be so formal. Being the moron that I am, I blurted out that talking to him was extremely humbling, like I was being given the opportunity to chat with God. XD
Then I snapped out of it and grabbed Alex off Kevin's shoulders. I introduced her as "Aya-chan" (irl, she wanted a Japanese nickname, so I call her Aya-chan now) and told Kyo and Nora how much she worships Die, and asked if it would be possible for her to meet him. I didn't think it was fair that I was there with my friends and my niece, yet I was the only one able to talk to my hero. But I also thought it would be rude to ask him to drag the whole band out, so I kept it simple. It was (supposedly. may I remind you this was a dream XD) Alex's first concert, and it was a band she loves as much as I do, so I wanted her to get the most out of it. Make it a day to always remember ^-^
Anyway, Kyo disappeared for a minute and came back out with Die. Just like I taught her to (irl. I've been teaching her what little Japanese I know), she said "Hajimemashite, Die-sama! Aya desu." Die just stared at her for a minute, then flashed her one of those beautiful smiles of his that make me melt every time, and kissed the lucky little brat on the cheek. XD
We talked a little more, and I introduced my friends (as Himitsu, Sayuri, Kyoko, and Hikari, of course), then they left and the band came back out on stage to continue the concert.
At the end, Kyo got the attention of one of the security guys and pointed to me. I was standing there like a doofus, wondering what the hell was going on. XD Then the guy grabbed my arm and led me onto the stage. Kyo grinned and handed me the mic and told the guys to play Shokubeni again. I was like "wtf? HUH?! Wait a sec! Don't tell me you expect ME to sing!" but as soon as the song started I was totally lost in it (shyeah right. XD another moment where even my dream self was like "yeah, this is real. sure. NOT.")
Then, after the soft part that I'd sang earlier, I reached out and managed to pull Alex up on the stage. I picked her up and held the mic between us and we finished the song together. Totally would never ever happen in a million years, but it was cute hearing her sing it. (even though the only Japanese songs she knows irl are Seishun Amigo and a little bit of Kizuna and Daite Senorita XD She knows Rokkugeo by heart too, but that's Korean...)
After the concert, the band brought us (all six of us) backstage and we chatted a little. As usual with my crazy Diru dreams, Die gave Alex a signed guitar (a red ESP, just like his) and told her he'd be on the lookout for her band (she started a "kid's band" as she calls it, with a few of her cousins XD it's cute. she's always talking about being a guitarist and a singer)
Aaand once again, something happened that even had my dream self going "ok, this is getting rediculous" XD
Kyo invited me to go with them on the rest of their tour. Not to perform with them, just to hang out and stuff. He also said any of my friends who wanted to follow could as well. I said we had to get Alex home or her parents would have my head on a platter, so they drove us all back to Wareham, we dropped her off, I grabbed some stuff and told my sister I'd be gone for a couple weeks, and the guys were nice enough to take everyone hoe to check in with their parents. For some reason, Kevin's mom was being a nazi as usual and wouldn't let him go (apparently we'd taken the train into Boston or something, because his car never came up in the dream until I saw it in their driveway lol). What surprised me was that Steph's and Niki's parents both let them go. Without a fight.
So, I got to stay on the bus with the band, but there was an issue with space, so at first, Sarah, Niki, and Steph had to follow in Sarah's car. After everyone got to know each other, though, the band made their crew switch with my girls XD
Cutting the rest of this short (it's even longer than what I've already written XD)... I ended up having sex with Kyo (though at first I was like "uh...no. I don't want you so much as want to be you.") Sarah got with Die, Steph got with Kaoru, Niki was a good girl and remained loyal to Drew, though she became extremely close friends with the whole band.
Kyo and I talked about having a kid, which, at first, was fine with me. I was off in fangirl la-la-land, only thinking about how how Kyo's child would be like the most beautiful person on Earth. XD Then I realized that (from my end) it would be basically half-Irish and I was like "omg we totally HAVE to!" XD My friends nearly had a heart attack when I told them I wanted to have Kyo's baby, but then when I actually did get pregnant, I wouldn't talk to him for like two days XD Reality crashed down on my fangirly head and I was pissed lol
Then it got a little less happy, in a way. When we finally got a chance to talk alone, Kyo asked me to go with him back to Japan. He said he wanted to help me raise the kid as much as he could, and - this became the main topic of our discussion - he wanted to help me live my dream and become a rock star.
BUT, as usual, there was a catch. I had to go alone. Even in my most unrealistic, fangirly dreams that make it obvious just how high up in the clouds my head really is, there's always at least a slight touch of realism. XD There's always a problem. This time, the problem was that, for some reason I don't remember, my bandmates couldn't go with me. Kyo wanted me to debut in Japan, backed by Dir en grey, solo.
He insisted that I had what it took to be a star, band or no band, and when I didn't believe him, he brough Kaoru in for a second opion. I still didn't believe either of them. Real life was creeping in on my sweet fantasy >.> and I was realizing something I've known all along in real life: I don't have what it takes. I have the drive, but no talent, and no skill. I can't play anything, I can't read sheet music, I can't even write my own lyrics. And I can barely sing. There's a few songs I can sing and sound ok, but generally speak, I can't sing. All I have going for me is determination.
I said all that to them, finishing my little emo speech with a Shokubeni quote: "Yume wa yume no hakanai yume." I'm not gonna embarass myself by trying an actual translation of that line. XD I only know that "yume" means "dream" and "hakanai" means "fleeting", "empty", or "pointless". I think it's something along the lines of "A dream is a dream, an empty dream" or something like that, but the "no" throws me off a bit >.> I don't claim to speak Japanese fluently, and for a damn good reason. XD I only know a few random words/phrases.
So, apparently my complete lack of self-esteem frustrated Kaoru and Kyo, and they made me stand up and sing for them. And they wouldn't let me sing any of those few songs I mentioned where I actually sound ok. They made me sing something I had written. Since I've only ever finished one song that I'm even remotely proud of, I sang that. Demonic.
Reality took another little vacation XD and they actually liked it.
Then Kyo randomly said "I might be able to get one of your friends out with you. Who would you like me to take along?" I gave him the most hateful, disgusted glare I could muster and snapped, "How DARE you ask me that?! If you had to abandon all of your friends except for one, who would you choose? They're not just my bandmates, or even just my friends. Those girls are my SISTERS." (not to mention Kaoru was dating Steph and Die was dating Sarah, so I totally didn't see the issue with them coming along)
He looked at me like I'd just kicked him (like at Family Values when that evil lady said "no hugs". the kicked puppy look), but before he answered me, I woke up.
...*shakes head* seriously, no more going to sleep listening to Diru. Dreams this unrealistic can't be healthy. XD
[EDIT] also, apologies for all the typos, but there's so many of them, I'm not even gonna bother going back to fix them. *lazy* XD
Sarah, Niki, Steph, Kevin, Alex... even Liz was in it a little bit, as well as some of the people we met at Inward Scream. XD But it was mostly me and my girls. For some reason, Kevin had to stay home (as did Alex, obviously) while the girls and I hung out with Diru for the rest of their tour. (it was set like...next year? later this year? *shrug* whenever they come back to Boston next, that's when my dream took place XD)
For the sake of the people who don't give a shit, I'm lj-cutting
So, the six of us (me, my girls, Kevin, and Alex) went to a Diru concert. We got there mad early, so when we were finally allowed in, we got right up front. I feel bad for the people behind us, since we took turns holding Alex on our shoulders. XD Though she was standing between me and Niki for G.D.S. so we could all headbang and stuff. And I made sure Alex said "kill", not "Kyo" or "chau". lol. (I also made her promise that if she told her parents about Kyo carving the hell out of his mouth and chest on stage, she'd make sure to tell them it was all fake. they'd murder me for taking her with us if they knew it was real ^^;;;)
Like I did at Family Values and Inward Scream, I screamed "Kyo-sama, aishiteru!" in between songs. I always will. XD And, just like I've bee teaching her to, Alex screamed "Die-sama, daisuki!" (actually, I've been telling her to say "aishiteru", but she likes "daisuki" better now, and since his name is Daisuke, I think it's a cute little play on words, so we're going with that now lol)
And now comes the part where even my dream self knew this definitely wasn't real. XD They played Shokubeni, and, as always when I hear that song, I closed my eyes and sang along with everything I had. Somehow, it escaped my attention that halfway through the song, I couldn't hear Kyo's voice anymore, but I heard my own clearly. Turned out the little imp had held the mic out to me for the soft part (the part he usually sings a capella). After I finished the verse, I opened my eyes, saw the mic in my face, and hid behind Sarah. XD
Then Diru took a little break, but instead of disappearing backstage for a few minutes, Kyo and Nora (their translator lol) and a couple of those annoying security guys came out to talk to me. I was like "wha?? O.O" lol. He (through Nora, though I caught a word here and there) asked me my name (I said "Kurai", of course ^^) and my favorite Diru song, to which I honestly answered "I really don't have one. The closest thing I have is a favorite album - Vulgar." I guess I could call Shokubeni my "favorite" song, but it's really not. It's one of them, sure, but I mostly mention it so much because it's the song I've used to practice screaming for a really long time. And it's beautiful. It touches me. It reaches my very core. But so do most of their songs. That's why I love Diru so much.
Ok, moving on... XD
So, I was standing there fidgeting and mostly looking either at the floor or at Nora when she translated for either me or Kyo, and when I said something in Japanese, I spoke as politely and respectfully as possible, which apparently amused him. He laughed at me and said he hadn't expected me to be so formal. Being the moron that I am, I blurted out that talking to him was extremely humbling, like I was being given the opportunity to chat with God. XD
Then I snapped out of it and grabbed Alex off Kevin's shoulders. I introduced her as "Aya-chan" (irl, she wanted a Japanese nickname, so I call her Aya-chan now) and told Kyo and Nora how much she worships Die, and asked if it would be possible for her to meet him. I didn't think it was fair that I was there with my friends and my niece, yet I was the only one able to talk to my hero. But I also thought it would be rude to ask him to drag the whole band out, so I kept it simple. It was (supposedly. may I remind you this was a dream XD) Alex's first concert, and it was a band she loves as much as I do, so I wanted her to get the most out of it. Make it a day to always remember ^-^
Anyway, Kyo disappeared for a minute and came back out with Die. Just like I taught her to (irl. I've been teaching her what little Japanese I know), she said "Hajimemashite, Die-sama! Aya desu." Die just stared at her for a minute, then flashed her one of those beautiful smiles of his that make me melt every time, and kissed the lucky little brat on the cheek. XD
We talked a little more, and I introduced my friends (as Himitsu, Sayuri, Kyoko, and Hikari, of course), then they left and the band came back out on stage to continue the concert.
At the end, Kyo got the attention of one of the security guys and pointed to me. I was standing there like a doofus, wondering what the hell was going on. XD Then the guy grabbed my arm and led me onto the stage. Kyo grinned and handed me the mic and told the guys to play Shokubeni again. I was like "wtf? HUH?! Wait a sec! Don't tell me you expect ME to sing!" but as soon as the song started I was totally lost in it (shyeah right. XD another moment where even my dream self was like "yeah, this is real. sure. NOT.")
Then, after the soft part that I'd sang earlier, I reached out and managed to pull Alex up on the stage. I picked her up and held the mic between us and we finished the song together. Totally would never ever happen in a million years, but it was cute hearing her sing it. (even though the only Japanese songs she knows irl are Seishun Amigo and a little bit of Kizuna and Daite Senorita XD She knows Rokkugeo by heart too, but that's Korean...)
After the concert, the band brought us (all six of us) backstage and we chatted a little. As usual with my crazy Diru dreams, Die gave Alex a signed guitar (a red ESP, just like his) and told her he'd be on the lookout for her band (she started a "kid's band" as she calls it, with a few of her cousins XD it's cute. she's always talking about being a guitarist and a singer)
Aaand once again, something happened that even had my dream self going "ok, this is getting rediculous" XD
Kyo invited me to go with them on the rest of their tour. Not to perform with them, just to hang out and stuff. He also said any of my friends who wanted to follow could as well. I said we had to get Alex home or her parents would have my head on a platter, so they drove us all back to Wareham, we dropped her off, I grabbed some stuff and told my sister I'd be gone for a couple weeks, and the guys were nice enough to take everyone hoe to check in with their parents. For some reason, Kevin's mom was being a nazi as usual and wouldn't let him go (apparently we'd taken the train into Boston or something, because his car never came up in the dream until I saw it in their driveway lol). What surprised me was that Steph's and Niki's parents both let them go. Without a fight.
So, I got to stay on the bus with the band, but there was an issue with space, so at first, Sarah, Niki, and Steph had to follow in Sarah's car. After everyone got to know each other, though, the band made their crew switch with my girls XD
Cutting the rest of this short (it's even longer than what I've already written XD)... I ended up having sex with Kyo (though at first I was like "uh...no. I don't want you so much as want to be you.") Sarah got with Die, Steph got with Kaoru, Niki was a good girl and remained loyal to Drew, though she became extremely close friends with the whole band.
Kyo and I talked about having a kid, which, at first, was fine with me. I was off in fangirl la-la-land, only thinking about how how Kyo's child would be like the most beautiful person on Earth. XD Then I realized that (from my end) it would be basically half-Irish and I was like "omg we totally HAVE to!" XD My friends nearly had a heart attack when I told them I wanted to have Kyo's baby, but then when I actually did get pregnant, I wouldn't talk to him for like two days XD Reality crashed down on my fangirly head and I was pissed lol
Then it got a little less happy, in a way. When we finally got a chance to talk alone, Kyo asked me to go with him back to Japan. He said he wanted to help me raise the kid as much as he could, and - this became the main topic of our discussion - he wanted to help me live my dream and become a rock star.
BUT, as usual, there was a catch. I had to go alone. Even in my most unrealistic, fangirly dreams that make it obvious just how high up in the clouds my head really is, there's always at least a slight touch of realism. XD There's always a problem. This time, the problem was that, for some reason I don't remember, my bandmates couldn't go with me. Kyo wanted me to debut in Japan, backed by Dir en grey, solo.
He insisted that I had what it took to be a star, band or no band, and when I didn't believe him, he brough Kaoru in for a second opion. I still didn't believe either of them. Real life was creeping in on my sweet fantasy >.> and I was realizing something I've known all along in real life: I don't have what it takes. I have the drive, but no talent, and no skill. I can't play anything, I can't read sheet music, I can't even write my own lyrics. And I can barely sing. There's a few songs I can sing and sound ok, but generally speak, I can't sing. All I have going for me is determination.
I said all that to them, finishing my little emo speech with a Shokubeni quote: "Yume wa yume no hakanai yume." I'm not gonna embarass myself by trying an actual translation of that line. XD I only know that "yume" means "dream" and "hakanai" means "fleeting", "empty", or "pointless". I think it's something along the lines of "A dream is a dream, an empty dream" or something like that, but the "no" throws me off a bit >.> I don't claim to speak Japanese fluently, and for a damn good reason. XD I only know a few random words/phrases.
So, apparently my complete lack of self-esteem frustrated Kaoru and Kyo, and they made me stand up and sing for them. And they wouldn't let me sing any of those few songs I mentioned where I actually sound ok. They made me sing something I had written. Since I've only ever finished one song that I'm even remotely proud of, I sang that. Demonic.
Reality took another little vacation XD and they actually liked it.
Then Kyo randomly said "I might be able to get one of your friends out with you. Who would you like me to take along?" I gave him the most hateful, disgusted glare I could muster and snapped, "How DARE you ask me that?! If you had to abandon all of your friends except for one, who would you choose? They're not just my bandmates, or even just my friends. Those girls are my SISTERS." (not to mention Kaoru was dating Steph and Die was dating Sarah, so I totally didn't see the issue with them coming along)
He looked at me like I'd just kicked him (like at Family Values when that evil lady said "no hugs". the kicked puppy look), but before he answered me, I woke up.
...*shakes head* seriously, no more going to sleep listening to Diru. Dreams this unrealistic can't be healthy. XD
[EDIT] also, apologies for all the typos, but there's so many of them, I'm not even gonna bother going back to fix them. *lazy* XD