[FIC] Winter Love: The Epilogue -Continuation-
“Kazuya…” Jin tried to start, but immediately stopped to pick his words carefully. In the back of his mind, he had been worried about Kazuya’s gloomy expression from before they went to dinner, but he wondered if it was something he should ask about or if Kazuya didn’t want to talk about it to him. The fact that there was something troubling the younger man that he didn’t know of annoyed him, even though he knew he had no right to interfere with Kazuya’s life after having no part of it over last few years. Jin wasn’t even sure Kazuya still thought of him as closely as they had been during that winter when they had met and found comfort in each other.
“Jin…?” Kazuya voiced worriedly.
“Are you… okay?” Jin settled for asking and another flicker sadness passed over the younger man’s feature as he evadingly shifted his gaze to the dashboard, unable to look straight at Jin.
“I’m…” he mumbled softly, biting his lower lip briefly, “I’m undergoing surgery soon.” He actually wasn’t planning to tell Jin about his plans for the surgery, but knew in the bottom of his heart that Jin had the right to know if he was planning on seeing him again. He just didn’t want to worry the older man.
“You’re what?”
“I’ve thought about having heart surgery before… when the doctor first suggested it, but I didn’t have the courage to go through with it when I was younger, until I met you,” he was first told about the possibility of having heart surgery as treatment for his condition when he was in middle school, but having been told that the succession rate was extremely low in Japan, he couldn’t find the courage to go through with it. After all the emotional support his family and Koki had given him and being blessed with many good friends who understood his condition and watched out for him, he was afraid of losing everything he had finally found, of choosing the day that could potentially be his last. His parents had been against the procedure as well, shouting at the doctor for suggesting such a thing to a young boy. But after seeing Jin step back onto the rink for the first time in years even though he wasn’t fully prepared and with what Kazuya was sure many fears and doubts, he had started reconsidering the surgery.
“Is it a dangerous surgery?” Jin asked reluctantly, half not wanting to know the answer. If his parents are letting him do as he likes, it had to be a very dangerous surgery. He couldn’t help but be upset that his parents were allowing him take such a dangerous surgery in the first place.
“The success rate is far below 50% in Japan…”
“Why…” Jin managed to voice in spite of all the turmoil he felt surfacing in his heart. Why now? Why would Kazuya want to risk everything he had? In all honesty, Jin knew perfectly well that he was being selfish because he was afraid of losing the younger man after he had just found him again. The same fear Jin felt when his mother had started skating again, and he knew from the loud arguments she had with his father that she was risking her life.
“I’m afraid of dying…” Kazuya mumbled softly, tears welling in the corner of his eyes. “I’m afraid that if I continue… running away. I don’t… even know when I’m going to die right now. It could be today or tomorrow. If… I have even the slightest chance… Why not take the chance for a normal life?” the warm tears he was holding back flowed down his cheeks. Although Kazuya smiled reassuringly to his parents upon receiving consent for surgery and never allowed his insecurity to show in front of Koki and his friends, in actuality, he was scared. He was really, really scared of receiving surgery, but even more scared of dying, of never seeing his beloved family and friends ever again, of losing Jin. So in spite of all the fears that emerged within him, he wanted to receive the heart surgery if it meant that he will have a longer time to spend with the people he loved. He was afraid that if he didn’t take the surgery and take matters into his own hands, he will always have to be afraid for his health. He didn’t want that burden anymore. He wanted to face his fears and regain his life the way Jin had.
Wordlessly, Jin wrapped his arms around the younger man, holding him tightly as if he would disappear if he let go. Rubbing his hand in circles on the back of Kazuya’s back, Jin whispered words of reassurance, “You’ll be all right,” to him though Jin wasn’t sure who he was reassuring, Kazuya or himself. Slowly Kazuya calmed down, pulling away from Jin to wipe the remnants of his tears with his sleeve and show Jin he was okay now.
Opening the car door and stepping out, Jin forced a small smile at the younger man, who he reconfirmed meant so much to him. Kazuya shyly smiled back, remembering the way Jin always walked him home years back. Impulsively, Kazuya hugged the older man already missing the comforts of his strong arms. “Am I going to be able to see you again?” he mumbled against his chest. Instead of answering the question, Jin withdrew from the small body embracing him before leaning down and pulling Kazuya into several short, sweet kisses. Reluctantly Jin pulled away from the younger man’s lips, ignoring his desire to kiss him more and more, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. Kazuya blushed madly at the kiss he had secretly been wanting, but was too embarrassed to ask for. He buried his burning face against his scarf, and diverted his gaze to their feet.
“Give me your phone.”
Taking his orange cell phone out of his pocket, Kazuya curiously handed his phone to the older man. Jin expertly entered both his name and number into Kazuya’s phone before sending himself a text so that he could register Kazuya’s name into his phone. He handed the phone back to the younger man, grinning accomplishment at finally obtaining Kazuya’s number, “I’ll text you…”
Accepting his phone back, Kazuya nodded happily that Jin wanted to remain in contact with him. Jin opened the car door to the driver’s seat before suddenly stopping and turning around, “Is there, anything you really wanted to do together? I keep taking you where I want to go… I was wondering…”
Pausing to think, Kazuya pursed his lips together in a pout trying to summarize the long list of places he wanted to visit with Jin. “I wanted to go skating?” he asked questioningly, remembering his promise to Jin that he would not skate again. Kazuya honestly didn’t mind seeing the older man skate and him sitting down to watch especially because he loved to watch Jin skate so much. That would be more than enough even though his parents had bought him a new pair of skates that he had yet to wear.
After acknowledging his decision to take the surgery, his parents were still over-protective but they had started letting him live more as he wished. His mother apologized to him, sobbing that as his parents they should have realized earlier that as long as he’s alive, that Kazuya should be able enjoy his life the way he saw fit like any other child. But although there were times that he felt saddened that he was banned from doing things he loved to do, he always appreciated how much his parents cared about him and that still hasn’t changed.
“I’ll take you skating after your surgery is over. I want to skate with you, not alone while you watch,” Jin turned down, smiling kindly as if to ask where else.
Smiling widely in anticipation, Kazuya nodded happily glad that Jin was always able to read him, “Um, I… I want to go to the ocean.”
“In the winter?” Jin confirmed skeptically before releasing a soft sigh. “If it were anyone else, I’d tell them they’re crazy,” he muttered under his breath, making Kazuya laugh nervously wondering if that was good or bad.
“Are you free tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? I think should be…” Kazuya reconfirmed in his mind to be sure, Christmas he was spending with his family at home. But tomorrow his parents were going on a Christmas Eve date together, something he envied his parents for, being so lovey-dovey over twenty years into their marriage.
“ …I have practice tomorrow but you’re welcome to watch, and I’ll take you to the ocean afterwards. If that’s all right with you,” Jin invited embarrassedly, knowing there will be no doubt that he was inviting Kazuya to a date because tomorrow was Christmas Eve, the day for lovers. Kazuya nodded with flushed cheeks, happy that he was going to be able to spend Christmas Eve with Jin.
“I’ll come pick you up in the morning at eight-thirty…” Practice was supposed to start at nine o’clock in the morning in all the way in Shibuya, but knowing the other two and their partying habits, they’ll probably still have a hangover and sleep-in. Maybe he’ll even be the earliest one there for once.
Kamenashi Residence, Christmas Eve
Very early the next morning, Jin arrived at the Kamenashi residence to pick-up Kazuya, who still wasn’t ready to leave because Jin had pulled up fifteen-minutes early which was very unusual for Jin, who always ran late ten to thirty minutes late. Kazuya hurriedly threw his jacket only to rethink his choice on jacket and instead of the soft, furry jacket he had on, wore the black rider’s jacket.
“Kazuya, do you have your keys, cell phone, and wallet?” Kazuya’s mother, Ayako, confirmed, walking out of the kitchen right as Kazuya was about to leave the house. Kazuya patted down his jacket pockets to make sure he had everything he needed.
“Yeah, I have everything,” he reassured with a smile of excitement playing on his lips. Jin hastily bowed at Ayako, who smiled kindly and bowed back, before leading Kazuya to his car and opening the door for him in spite of the protests from the younger man that he wasn’t a girl. Ayako could only smile softly at how lively her son seemed today. She locked the door behind her, humming happily back into the kitchen where her husband was waiting patiently for breakfast to be served.
“Bakanishi! You’re late again!” Ryo shouted the moment Jin walked through the entrance of the Shibuya Stating Arena. Kazuya quietly found himself a seat on an open bench, and watched in amusement at the kicked-puppy expression on Jin’s normally handsome face. Nishikido Ryo apparently had the same harsh tongue off the television camera as on the television camera, which he found amusing.
“I thought you’d be sleeping in with a hangover!” Jin shouted back equally as loud, glaring daggers at his arch-nemesis who shot him, 'Are you stupid?’ faces. He was certainly not the stupid one.
“Did you really think we’d drink that much when we have practice the next morning?” Pi asked rhetorically while stretching his legs out against an open bench. In honest truth, both him and Ryo had only arrived about thirty-minutes ago, assuming Jin would be late again but neither of them were nice enough to let Jin know that he had only made them wait fifteen minutes late instead of the full hour.
“You’re the only one who does that!” Ryo scolded acidly, stretching his arms by crossing them over each other. In spite of hitting Shibuya Excite right after the competition had ended, neither of them had drank more than one alcoholic beverage, settling for virgin drinks after that. Unlike Jin who usually drank all night when he came to the after-party with them, though that was when he wasn’t competing and could care less about having a hangover the next morning.
“Fine, fine… I’m sorry for being late,” Jin grumbled sourly, doing a quick stretch before sitting down on the bench to change to his skates figuring he could work off any knots during warm-ups. Even though Pi and Ryo were still stretching or maybe even stretching again, both were wearing their skates and kindly waiting for him though they would never admit it.
“So… Who’s your senorita?” Pi wondered out loud while waiting, amusement passing through his charming features seeing the flustered look on Jin’s face the moment he referred to the young man as “Senorita.” He wondered if Jin knew how obvious he was being.
“My name is Kamenashi Kazuya…” Kazuya introduced himself with a curt bow, seeing the troubled look on Jin’s face. “I love watching figure skating so Jin let me tag along,” he explained, forcing a smile despite the older man’s inquisitive gaze.
Pi smiled delighted, “My name is Yamashita Tomohisa… You can call me, Pi.” Kazuya hesitantly shook the hand that was offered to him, slightly blushing over the fact that he was shaking hands with the famous skater he had only seen through magazines and television. Pi was more handsome in person, if that was possible, and such a gentleman that it didn’t surprise Kazuya that the older man had so many devoted fans. “And that there is Nishikido Ryo,” he introduced on Jin’s behalf, and Ryo raised his hand in the air as acknowledgement of their special guest.
Unknowingly, even to himself, Jin was grinding his teeth in jealousy over the attention Kazuya was giving his best friend. He had completely forgotten that Kazuya was a fan of Pi’s and that Pi was one of the people he would be practicing with. Jin yanked on his skate laces hard, and hastily finished tying his skate. He immediately stood up to join his practice partners on the ice rink and drag his best friend away from Kazuya.
“Nice catch… He’s pretty cute,” Pi teased with a knowing smile, the moment they were out of Kazuya’s earshot.
Jin glared angrily at the other, “Stay away from him, Pi! He’s mine!” The three of them knew as a fact that Pi was actually bi and dated around with girls and guys alike. He was nowhere as bad as Jin had been in his playboys days, but had weeks where he would go home with different people everyday just because he was in a sour mood. What Jin couldn’t understand was how Pi managed to keep all of his one-night stands as friends when their relationship was over. Pi’s dating habits hadn’t bothered Jin in the slightest before, knowing he was one to talk, but now that Pi was giving his attention to Kazuya, he felt like punching the younger man in the face.
Ryo shook his head disapprovingly, “You both like your men pretty …No wonder you two are best friends.” Ryo personally only had interest in the well-kept older women with mature natural beauty, although his age limit was ten years older at the most when he said older. He couldn’t stand childish girls that acted like a spoiled children, wanting this and that from him, and men were completely out of the question! If there was any bit of curiosity in how guys felt during sex, hearing Pi talk about his escapades were enough to steer him clear of that path.
Kazuya watched dreamily as Jin carved multiple patterns into the ice, interlacing with Pi and Ryo in intricate paths. After landing another clean Axel, Jin skated his way back towards him. “Could you hand me my water bottle?” Jin asked, pointing at the open duffel bag beside Kazuya. Kazuya dug around inside of the bag before finally finding the clear black bottle in question, and handing it to Jin.
“I’m sorry you’re just sitting… Are we boring you?” Jin wondered worriedly, contemplating giving Kazuya money for ice cream at one of the vending machines. Kazuya immediately shook his head from side to side, “No, I love watching… It’s so rare to be able to see a training session on TV, let alone live.”
Jin nodded in understanding, handing the water bottle back to Kazuya and leaning in towards him. “Just don’t watch Pi too much… I’ll get jealous,” he murmured against Kazuya’s ear before skating back to his two best friends. Blushing at Jin’s possessiveness and how he could still feel his breath against his ear, Kazuya sat back down staring at the water bottle in his hands. Kazuya wondered if Jin knew what he did to him when he treated him so protectively.
Barely an hour later, the three figure-skaters returned to the bench area one by one, signaling the end of their practice session which had gone smoothly even though Jin and Ryo had started competing on who could lap the rink faster until Pi started shouting profanities about their level of low-intelligence. Since practice had ended right before lunch time, Pi invited them to go to the all-you-can-eat yakiniku store nearby with him and Ryo. Ryo had started explaining to Kazuya how the horumon in Osaka was the best because the Korean immigrants in Osaka were the ones to introduce the delicacy to Japan, but Jin shot Kazuya an apologetic look and turned down the offer on both of their behalves since they already had other plans.
“Kazuya, could you grab the basket in the back?” Jin asked distractedly, only minutes after starting to drive out of the arena. His thumb pointed behind him at the picnic basket with white lace trimmings, the basket his mother had always used for family outings and was collecting dust in their cabinet.
“Basket?” Kazuya turned around as far as he could with the seat belt restraining him to look for the basket Jin was talking about, finding something that looked similar to a picnic basket sitting on the back seat behind Jin. He attempted to reach back for the basket, but his arm wasn’t nearly as long enough to even touch it. As soon as they stopped at the next signal light, Kazuya quickly took off his seatbelt and leaned back to grab the basket. Just in time because the light turned green, and Jin started driving again looking worriedly at him.
Wondering what Jin could possibly put inside a basket, Kazuya curiously opened the cover to see clear containers with sandwiches packed. “Did you… make them?” Kazuya asked in amazement, taking the said sandwiches out. There was a pack of simple ham sandwiches, but also egg sandwiches and port cutlet sandwiches in other packs.
“I had our maid teach me how to make them,” he laughed nervously, remembering how he had given his poor maid, Yukiko, gray-hair attempting to make the pork cutlets. He had washed his dirty hands after putting breadcrumbs on the pork, but hadn’t dried his hand off before trying to put the pork into the oil. The oil that had started attacking at him because his hands were dripping with water which nearly scared him into knocking the whole pot of boiling oil over. That was only the beginning to their cooking adventure, and they had spent all night and morning making the sandwiches which Jin refused to have her make, insisting to make them himself. He had gotten scolded over practically each and every step, even when cutting with the knife because he was holding it wrong and pointing the blade dangerously against his fingers. Yet, Yukiko helped him without complaint, happy that her young master had finally found a girl that he wanted to go through all this trouble for.
Opening the plastic container, Kazuya happily took out a ham sandwich and devoured the sandwich, even though it had too much hot mustard in it and was extra spicy. Even if the sandwiches weren’t perfect, to him, the cooking Jin had made for him full of love was more delicious than yakiniku or anything else there was to eat in the world. The gesture was even more endearing to him because he knew Jin was not the type to cook. He briefly wondered if he’ll ever have the chance to cook alongside Jin.
“Hmm?” Kazuya wondered, chewing slowly at the odd consistency in his mouth.
“What’s wrong?” Jin asked worriedly, wondering if he should have tasted the sandwiches first. He could’ve sworn he only packed the ones that looked decent enough to eat. He sighed inwardly to himself, maybe Pi was right and him trying to cook was really a health-hazard.
“It’s burnt…” Kazuya ate while laughing, the pork cutlet was crunchier on one side because it was burnt to black crisp. Jin laughed in relief that Kazuya was chuckling, eating an egg salad sandwich which Kazuya had handed to him.
“We’re here…” Jin announced and hour and a half later, turning the engine to his car off. Opening the door excitedly, Kazuya nearly jumped out of the car. Jin heaved a sigh, from the parking lot was a long, long path up to the area that he wanted to take Kazuya. Somehow there was no shortcuts on the small island known as Enoshima despite all the tourism that they get. One way or the other, the walk would be long and he had done much research to ensure he had picked the most easy route up.
Nonetheless, Kazuya seemed perfectly content walking five minutes from the rusted Bronze Torii6 to the road leading to a shopping street where Kazuya tasted the pickles they were selling, ultimately buying one for his parents which Jin was in charge of holding for the younger man. Past the lanes of shops, there was a flashy red building for the Enoshima Escar, where Jin bought tickets off of a vending machine similar to the ones they had at the train stations in Tokyo. Kazuya later learned that Escar was short for escalator, which transported them up the hill without having to take the stairs which Jin worried would tire him out. Bypassing the temples flooding with visitors, Jin led Kazuya towards the second Escar stations, but not before stopping at the gigantic tree with temple ropes tied around the top of the stump. Surrounding the sacred trees were two red racks with many pink wooden-plaques hanging from it. Jin bought one of the said plaques from the priestess which said, “Let the goddess of Enoshima seal your love,” on the front. On the back of the plaque, Jin wrote down their full names and scribbled something else down on the bottom with permanent marker, but he hid plaque from him so he couldn’t see what it was. Grinning in accomplishment, he hung the piece of wood on an empty space on the red rack and clapped his hands together for a brief prayer before taking his hand and leading him to the next set of escalators.
Instead of going to the viewing platform, the Enoshima Tower, which Kazuya was slightly disappointed about, although he immediately cheered up when Jin fleetingly told him he wanted to bring him to the tower at night one day to see the beautiful Christmas illumination they displayed. They took a small side-path and walked up towards the shoreline known as Chigoga Shore, where the shore was made up of rock formations that were the aftermath of the Great Kanto Earthquake, making Kazuya smile to himself on the extensive research Jin had done for their date. Since the shore was natural rock formations and were horribly uneven, there was man-made bridges linking the shore together. At the edge of the shore, plenty of old men were sitting and enjoying shore fishing, while little children were running around behind them peeking into the small pools of water and pointing at the sea life existing beneath.
“I guess I cheated… This isn’t the ocean, it’s a bay,” Jin admitted while staring out into the far waters. Under the sun, the deep water glimmered a dark shade of cobalt blue meeting the light blue skies with small floating clouds.
“It’s okay… It’s just as beautiful,” Kazuya grinned childishly, kneeling down to peek into what looked like a big puddle in the rocks beneath their feet. “Look Jin, there’s a baby lobster!” he pointedly excitedly.
Jin covered his mouth with his hand and muffled his laugh, “Kazuya, I don’t think that’s a lobster… Looks more like shrimp.” After exploring the shore for about an hour, Kazuya had found tiny clams and barnacles in the water and even some on the rocks by their feet and Jin was forced to drag Kazuya away from the Chigoga Shore before the young man jumped into the water to catch them, already having stuck his hand into the water in poor attempt. Tightly gripping the younger man’s hand, they leisurely strolled up the trail to the very top where there was a small enclosed shrine with a bell hanging from the top. When they arrived, there was an older couple standing in the boxed area laughing embarrassedly while reading the commemorative inscription. Kazuya glanced at Jin in confusion, wondering where they were.
“This place is known as the Hill for Lovers. Long ago, there was an evil five-headed dragon living near this bay… The dragon would cause mudslides and make a rain of fire fall upon the town. In order to appease the dragon, the villagers would heartrendingly sacrifice a crying child every year. One day, a heavenly maiden came to on behalf of the suffering villager. The dragon fell in love at first sight with the maiden, and asked her for his bride but the maiden refused to wed such evil who has caused such hardship on innocent people. Through the dragon’s strong will, his promise to the maiden that he will make up for his sins by protecting the village, the two were tied. This small shrine was erected on behalf of the dragon and the maiden… It’s said that lovers that ring the bell here will never be separated,” Jin explained with a proudly smiling at his knowledge. He had found a comic of the legend while researching Enoshima and was determined to bring Kazuya here in hopes that they won’t be separated even after his surgery.
Kazuya felt his face growing warmer, and his hand nervously gripped on Jin’s hand tighter. “Am I… your lover?” he asked uncertainly. Although Koki would always tease him that Jin was his boyfriend, Jin had never clarified the nature of their relationship. He liked to assume that you only kiss those you love, but Kazuya knew that he was naïve about love and relationships especially listening to Koki talk about his girlfriends and what they do behind closed doors.
Seeing the couple in front of them leave, Jin tugged the younger man into the platform and smiled nervously at him, taking a small box out of his pocket and handing it to the younger man. Kazuya reluctantly opened the long box, his eyes widening upon seeing what was inside. It was a beautiful silver bracelet from Tiffany & Co. with an engraving on the lock charm that said eternal love. Carefully taking the bracelet out of the box, Jin fastened the bracelet on Kazuya’s slender wrist.
“Will you have me as your lover?” Jin asked, slightly embarrassed.
Kazuya smiled shyly before leaning in to hug the older man. “If you’ll have me,” he replied happily. Relieved by Kazuya’s answer, Jin held the younger man tightly in his arms before finally letting him go. They both reached up to the rope of the bell and rang the loud clanking bell together with equally bright smiles on their lips in hope for their future. Before leaving, Kazuya noticed that the fence surrounding the bell was covered in locks and hurriedly walked over to the souvenir store to buy a red heart-shaped lock. Scribbling down Akanishi Jin & Kamenashi Kazuya on the top, he wrote his wish that Jin remains happy no matter what may happen to him in the future. Smiling in content at his heartfelt wish, Kazuya secured the lock on the fence and cheerfully walked backed to Jin, taking the hand offered to him.
On their walk back to the parking lot, which was a different path from the one they took up since their the shortcut back was an easy descent and they could easily do without the Escar, they passed a different set of souvenir and specialty stores. Tempted by big plastic ice cream on display, Kazuya decided to buy black-sesame ice cream to eat on the way. Jin, on the other hand, walked into the souvenir shop next door. Licking on his ice cream, Kazuya followed behind, squealing in delight upon finding the cell phone strap with small, colored padlocks like the one he had bought by the bell as a love charm. Jin immediately bought the pair of charms in different colors, Kazuya picking the pink one for himself and the blue one for Jin. Happy with the memorable purchase, Kazuya snatched Jin’s cellular phone and fastened the strap onto the phone without a moment’s delay.
The freeway was extremely congested getting back into Shibuya due to Christmas Eve traffic and Jin kept glancing at the clock on his dashboard, afraid that he wasn’t going to make the closing ceremony in time. He was still stuck at least half an hour away from the Yoyogi stadium, and with the traffic it would take over another hour. Sighing at the hopelessness of the situation, seeing how the car was barely moving a feet every few minute, he glanced over at Kazuya to notice that he was starting to grasp at his chest.
“Kazuya… Are you okay?”
Unable to answer, short of breath, Kazuya unfastened his necklace with his trembling hands, taking out his nitroglycerin pill. Jin swiftly handed the younger man the bottle of water he had in the drink holder from that morning, watching worriedly as Kazuya swallowed the tablet. Kazuya tried taking slow, steady breaths but although the effects of the medicine helped ease his breathing, he still felt slightly suffocated.
“Kazuya?” Jin called in panic, noticing the attack wasn’t going away.
“Jin…” he managed to whisper, his left hand grasping the door which he tiredly leaned against. He struggled to keep conscious, but the frantic call of his name start becoming farther and farther. “Shit,” Jin cursed, anxiously reading the freeway signs to check their current position. Realizing exactly where he was, Jin recklessly cut-off the car in next lane, speeding as quickly as possible into the left-hand lane of the freeway to take the next exit. Slamming the brakes when he exited the freeway to a red light, Jin pulled out his cell phone calling his father. “Damn it, answer!” he cursed, redialing the number.
“Dad! Kazuya… he, my friend, he had an attack. Yes, a heart attack and, he took his nitro, but he was still breathing hard and lost conscious. He still looks pained… and, I’m about five minutes away from the hospital… His pulse?” Jin reached over to check the younger man’s wrist and put two of his fingers against it while pressing the other side of his wrist steady with his thumb. “He has a pulse, but I can barely feel it… Dad, please… He, I’m pulling up right now.” Dropping his phone down onto his lap, Jin hastily curved into the hospital driveway. Changing the gear from drive to park and pulling up the side brake, he opened the door without bothering to turn off his engine and jumped out.
“Jin!” his father rushed outside of the sliding glass entrance. An emergency medical crew was already on stand-by and waiting for him outside where the ambulances usually park. The paramedics rushed over to help Jin carry Kazuya out of the car and lie him down onto the stretcher.
“His pulse is dangerously low!” the paramedic shouted out for the rest of the team, and the team of nurses rushed Kazuya inside the hospital.
Jin grabbed his father by the collar of his dress shirt, shaking him desperately. “Please… Please save Kazuya… I’ll never ask for anything else. Just please…” he continued to cry, crumbling onto the floor. Never having seen Jin in such wreck, Jin’s father, Hitoshi, didn’t know what to do. He regretted for the first time not having spent much time with his son, and not being able to comfort him the way a father should at times of need. Firmly patting his son on the back, Hitoshi helped him stand up and walk into the hospital while sending a nurse from the reception desk to go park Jin’s car in an actual parking stop so the car wasn’t blocking ambulances from entering the hospital. After confirming the nurse leaving, Hitoshi struggled to assist his son into the waiting area of the surgery room. Holding his shoulder and sitting him down on the empty bench, Hitoshi sighed at the state of shock that Jin was in. “Jin… We’ll do our best to save him,” he promised before leaving to prepare for the emergency surgery that was to take place.
Dead silence fell upon the darkening waiting room, and Jin continued to peek up at the surgery sign from time to time, holding his head in his hands. He still felt hazed from the sudden turn of events, and he doesn’t know how long he had been sobbing out loud to himself in the lonely waiting room until the melody of, “Seishun Amigo,” started filling the waiting area. Lifelessly, Jin reached for the cell phone in his pocket.
“Jin, where are you? The closing ceremony is about to start!” Pi shouted frantically on the other side of the phone. He and Ryo had spilt up and ran around the whole stadium looking for Jin, only to realize that his belongings weren’t even in his locker. Jin constantly made a habit of being late, but they knew that even Jin wouldn’t be this late when he knew how crucial the event was.
“Kazuya…” Jin managed to croak, “He, he’s in the hospital. I…” unable to talk any longer, he weakly cut off his cell phone, putting it down beside him.
“Where the hell is he?” Ryo growled angrily, “He’s a medalist! He has to be here, he's obligated!”
“Kame-chan is in the hospital…” Pi mumbled more to himself than Ryo, biting his lower lip trying to think of what he could do to help his best friend, knowing the severity of a medalist missing the closing ceremony. He determinedly ran over to the nearest official to explain the situation, hoping the committee would understand. He personally didn’t care how much he had to beg the officials not to penalize Jin or how much he was scolded for his absence.
Kame-chan, please be okay… for Jin’s sake.
“Kazuya…” Jin wept, wiping the streams of tears running down his face with the sleeve of his jacket. His remaining hand lingering over the cell phone strap that he had bought as a pair with Kazuya only hours ago.
“Kazuya!” Jin lifted his gaze to the source of the voice, Kazuya’s mother was running up to the surgery room, stopping in front of the door out of breath. Sluggishly standing up, Jin bowed apologetically, “I’m…”
Ayako forced a kind smile, her eyes tearing from excruciating sadness. “It’s not your fault… Kazuya, has a weak heart, he always…” she sobbed, covering her face with her hands. Jin bit down on his bottom lip, unable to find words to comfort the woman who he knew felt responsible for the Kazuya’s illness when she had no reason to. Moments later, her husband joined them, having finished parking the car, and Jin bowed at Kazuya’s father before taking a seat again. Kazuya’s parents feebly sat on the opposite bench, and the waiting area had gradually fallen silent once again. Jin clutched onto his cellular phone in between his joined hands, praying that Kazuya will be okay and wake up smiling that gentle smile he loved so much.
“Kazuya… He always talked about you,” Kazuya’s mother said fondly, tears welling in her eyes as she stared at the man of her son’s affection. “You know, he keeps a scrapbook of all of the newspaper articles and magazine interviews featuring you…” Jin could only remain silent, gripping his cell phone even tighter.
“I’ve never seen him so happy as I did this morning when you picked him up… I asked him where you two were going and he said you were taking him to the ocean. Ocean, in the winter… That child,” she laughed softly in affection, “But Kazuya also said… He didn’t care where he went… as long, as you were, the one taking him.” She choked back the tears threatening to overflow again, and her husband hugged her shoulder tightly. “I think… you were the reason, Kazuya started moving forward,” Ayako admitted, as his mother he can tell how special Jin-kun was to her son. She had the vague feeling that he was the reason Kazuya decided to take the surgery, and if they had allowed him to have the procedure sooner, he might not be in the emergency room right now.
One by one, warm tears rolled down his cheeks, and Jin grinded his teeth in frustration at himself at how useless he was. He couldn’t help Kazuya ease his pain, only watch him suffer right in front of his very eyes, the way he did with his mother. Despite his father being a head surgeon at the hospital, Jin never had the intention of following in his footsteps and becoming a doctor. His father never forced him into pursuing the career like other doctors did with their kids, either because with his grades it will take him until his late-forties before he graduated medical school or because he knew Jin was more like his mother and intended on figure-skating for the rest of his life. Jin had never wished he had chosen to become a doctor as much as he did now. Because his father was a heart doctor and his mother always having a weak heart, Jin knew comprehensibly about the symptoms, methods of CPR, medicine, and food intake, but that was all. He couldn’t do anything to alleviate the pain.
Kazuya… Please, stay with me.
“Where… am I?” Kazuya mumbled inarticulately, rubbing his hand against his heavy eyelids. There was a piercing light blinding his field of vision, and could see nothing else but the white light. Fine lines formed in between his fine-brows, his lips pouting together in sheer confusion. Shadows slowly formed far ahead of him, twirling like dances of wind to form a familiar figure.
“Jin?” he cried out frantically. Jin was kneeling on the ground with his back toward him, hands joined in prayer.
I don’t know what I’d do without you… Please.
“Jin!” he tried calling again, but Jin didn’t turn around or move in the slightest towards him. His broad back looked like it was trembling, and Kazuya realized that the older man was crying. He tried to rush to his side, but no matter how much he walked the distance between the two wouldn’t become shorter. Unconsciously, the speed he walked at became faster until he was running towards the older man. Even though the running didn’t tire him, the distance between them increased more and more. Realizing this, Kazuya suddenly stopped afraid that Jin would disappear altogether and leave him all alone. Tears of dejection started forming in his eyes, and he slowly fell onto the ground. He kept wiping his eyes of the tears with his trembling hands, but he couldn’t stop sobbing. “Jin…” he cried again. He felt like there was an invisible barrier between the two of them and all Kazuya knew was that he wanted to be where Jin was, not here, wherever here was.
“You are both rare humans,” gentle laughter rang behind him like tiny bells on a ribbon humming a beautiful tune with the help of the soft, flowing winds.
Kazuya hastily wiped away at his tears before glaring accusingly at the mysterious woman as if it were her fault that he was stuck here, away from his beloved Jin. The enigmatic woman glowed with exquisite beauty that Kazuya had never seen before, even through the television screen. Her complexion was radiant, almost glimmering in light, and her gentle, soft brown eyes were alluring and shone of hidden wisdom, her flawlessly-shaped lips playing an amused, mirthful smile. She was dressed like a princess from ancient Japan right out of a storybook, her white dress with pink wraps flowing elegantly behind her.
“Your pure, unadulterated love for one another… is something Gozuryu7 and myself haven’t seen for at least a hundred years,” she chuckled divinely, seemingly pleased with him.
“Gozuryu?” Kazuya pouted his lips further together, trying to digest the riddle-like words flowing out of the woman’s mouth. The dragon from Enoshima?
“Young man, have you any idea what your lover has wished?” she questioned, tilting her head slightly, patiently waiting for an answer.
“Jin…” Kazuya pondered to himself what Jin might have written on the pink plaque he hid from him almost embarrassedly. Something sappy? “Um… for our love to be everlasting?” he guessed uncertainly. Despite the fact that Jin could read him like an open book at times, he could never do the same. He never knew what the older man was thinking.
“No… Your lover wished for your health in hopes that you will never leave his side through the means of death,” she revealed, her smile widening at the disappointment that shone in the young man for guessing wrong. “His unwavering faith in his love for you and his strong will to conquer any future problems that may arise in your relationship together has taken my fancy.”
“Love is a free will… No matter however you may pray, even the Gods are unable to change the love humans feel for one another. I cannot grant eternal love for that very reason,” she explained, ignoring the existence of very, very rare cases of woman praying for the one-sided love to bloom having granted their wish. These rare cases were not within her powers, but the fruit of the confidence the women gained through wishing.
“But your lover believes in the strength of your love for one another and believes that the only obstacle that stands between you two is your incomplete health.”
Diverting his teary gaze to the thick fog developing over his feet, Kazuya fisted his hands so strongly they were beginning to feel numb. He felt so helpless over the fact that he was constantly worrying and burdening Jin with the presence of his chronic illness.
“My husband, on the other hand, has taken a liking for your chastity for your lover, and your selfless wish for his happiness in case you may not be at his side after your upcoming surgery,” she had watched over infinite amounts of men and women visit her shrine, including humans cursed with many types of illnesses. Mostly all of their wishes were for their lovers never to forget them, knowing their selfish wish will burden their loved ones for the rest of their life. She knew how hard the thought of being forgotten by their loved ones was to a human, having read the inner turmoil in their hearts. Her husband had been surprised by Kamenashi Kazuya’s sincere and heartfelt wish for his lover’s happiness no matter how hard it may be on himself, watching over him from above after his death.
“The love you feel for one another seems to have no end to its depth,” she announced with pleasure, “Granted, there is no guarantee in eternal love…”
“We don’t need a guarantee, I believe in Jin…” Kazuya assured confidently. One day in the far future, even if Jin had betrayed his trust, he would never stop believing in Jin or regret his strong love for the older man, “And I have no second-thoughts about my feelings.”
The mysterious maiden smiled heavenly in approval, and the light surrounding Kazuya became brighter and brighter. So bright that nothing could be seen, not even himself.
Suddenly the red-light of the surgery room flickered off, signaling the end of the emergency operation taking place inside. Nervously standing up from his seat, Jin waited long-suffering in front of the operation room door. His heart beat against his chest so hard, it hurt. Slowly the mechanical door slid open, and his father stepped out of the operation room with a stern eyes.
“Jin…” he unfastened the top of his mask so that it fell around his neck, “Kazuya-kun’s condition has been stabilized. There is no longer a threat to his life, but he will be placed in ICU until further notice, just as a precaution.”
All the nerves in his body loosened immediately, almost making Jin fall to the ground in relief. Jin hugged his father tightly, holding back the tears forming in his eyes, “Thank you…” Hitoshi stiffened in the rare show of affection from his son, but nodded understandingly. Patting his son strongly on the back, Hitoshi walked over to the couple he assumed were Kazuya-kun’s parents, to brief them of their son’s current state. Jin bowed respectfully to Kazuya’s parents from the side before scrambling to the ICU unit, guided by the nurse, who kindly led him straight to where Kazuya was.
Smiling tiredly in affection at Kazuya, Jin sat himself down on the pipe chair the nurse had retrieved for him and placed next to the bed. Reaching lovingly for the younger man, Jin gently caressed his cheeks taking relief in the warmth that was there. Approximately ten minutes later, after signing all the necessary paperwork for Kazuya’s hospitalization, his parents were led personally by Dr. Akanishi to the ICU unit to check on their son. Quietly walking over to Kazuya’s bed, all three parents couldn’t help but smile at the sight before them. Dead tired from all the excitement of the evening, Jin had fallen asleep against the bed with his head resting on his crossed arms while snuggling against Kazuya’s shoulder. Ayako sent a warm smile to her husband, and the couple softly left the hospital room to retrieve Kazuya’s belongings for when he regained conscious, trusting that Jin-kun would take care of their precious son during their absence.
“Ugh,” opening his heavy eyelids, Kazuya blinked several times before his eyes adjusted to the sunlight. His arms both too tired to move to his face and rub on his eyes. Staring up at the completely white ceiling, he hazily wondered where he was. Turning his head slowly to the left, Kazuya examined his surrounding to figure out where he could possibly be. The moment his eyes fell upon Jin, who was sleeping comfortably against his side, he realized he was currently in the hospital. Forcing his dull arm to move little at a time, Kazuya rested his hand on Jin’s head, threading his slender fingers through his soft hair petting the man he loved.
“Hmm…?” the older man groaned sleepily, forcing his tired eyes to open, squeezing them back shut to avoid the sunlight, and groaning again. Little by little, his conscious awakened and he was suddenly aware of the hand gently caressing his hair. He darted up his head in surprise, “Kazuya!”
“J…in,” the younger man articulated with all of his might, his voice still raspy.
“Hold on, let me call the nurses,” Jin said, hastily making his way out of the unit.
Extremely lonely at the sudden loss of warmth, Kazuya wished his lover would return quickly, but a doctor walked into the room instead of Jin. The doctor seemed to be a man in his early forties, but Kazuya felt that he was attractive for an older man. He couldn’t put his finger on the feeling, but the older man, despite his stern countenance, had a natural charm to his features.
“How are you feeling?” the doctor asked abruptly, small smile forming on his lips while he gently opened the front his hospital gown to examine his heartbeat with the stethoscope. Kazuya almost shivered, goose bumps forming on his skin at the sensation of the cold piece of metal touching his chest.
“Dull…” Kazuya answered uncomfortably. He had never been particularly good with doctors, having to deal with them as much as he did throughout his lifetime.
“You’ll have to remain in the hospital for a couple of more days before we can release you, but it seems you’re able to leave the ICU unit today,” the doctor informed, setting his carte back to the plastic envelope on his bedpost.
Kazuya nodded silently, and the doctor turned around to leave the room but suddenly stopped in his tracks, “Kazuya-kun… Thank you. Thank you for living.” Not having a clue to why he was being thanked when he clearly should be the one thanking him for saving his life, Kazuya opened his mouth to ask when the door opened loudly.
Jin hastily stepped back into the room, wincing apologetically at the noise he made. “Dad, where’s my car keys? The head nurse said she gave it to you!” he glared accusingly at his father, who had just sent him on a wild goose chase to go and retrieve his car keys.
“It’s your punishment for leaving the car parked in front of the emergency room entrance. You can walk home tonight,” the man answered indifferently although the corners of his lips twitched with the desire to laugh upon seeing the priceless look on Jin’s face.
“What?” Jin nearly screamed the moment his father suggested that he walk home tonight. Even by train the hospital was so far from his house that it would take hours! “You’re the one who dragged me inside the hospital before I parked my car!” he huffed, hoping his father would change his mind and simply return his keys.
“You were the one on the ground sobbing, ‘Kazuya,’” he bluntly pointed out, earning a death glare from his son. Hitoshi chuckled silently in his mind, remembering that he hadn’t seen that look on Jin’s face since he was still in middle school. He realized that his expression hadn’t changed at all since Jin was still a little boy.
“Dad~!” Jin whined childishly, cheeks flushed from the embarrassing revelation. He shot Kazuya a worried glance, wondering if he heard what was said before glaring even harder at his evil father. “My car!” he demanded, almost as if to hide his embarrassment.
“We can talk about the car over lunch tomorrow…” Hitoshi abruptly finalized, his son can either walk home via train or wait for him to finish working tonight and hitch a ride back home with him. Jin was most likely planning to spend his whole day at the hospital with Kazuya-kun anyways.
“Lunch?” Jin verified while struggling to mask the excitement in his voice at the prospect of having lunch with his father, not having seen him in so long. “If you break your promise, I get my car back and double allowance,” he huffed childishly, although Kazuya could make out the wide grin playing on his lips even from his bed. Hitoshi concealed the smile threatening to surface, and offered his pinky to Jin. It was the way he exchanged promises to Jin from the time he was still in pre-school. Jin’s pinky met his father’s and the father and son pinky promised to their lunch on the following day before Hitoshi walked completely out of the ICU unit.
“Is he your father?” Kazuya questioned the moment Jin arrived back at his side. Jin nodded his head with a proud smile playing on his lips. Kazuya realized at once why he felt attraction to the older man. He faintly reminded him of Jin. He smiled softly, piecing together the reason the doctor that had saved his life had thanked him, but Kazuya felt that Jin’s father had the situation all wrong. He was the one needing to thank him, not only for saving his life and subsequently allowing him to remain at Jin’s side, but for having a son like Jin because Kazuya couldn’t begin to fathom where he would be today without him. Relishing each other’s presence, the couple remained silent, smiling dotingly at each other until one of the nurses came to change Kazuya’s IV fluid.
“… The goddess of Enoshima was the heavenly maiden from the Gozuryu legend,” Kazuya suddenly said, remembering his dream which he vaguely had a feeling was not entirely his fantasy.
“The goddess?” Jin furrowed his brows in confusion. After several minutes of hard and rigorous thinking because Kazuya was starting to pout cutely at him out of displeasure for not understanding him, Jin realized Kazuya was talking about the goddess that he had made his wish to. He briefly remembered reading something about the goddess of Enoshima on the front of the pink plaque although only vaguely. “What about the goddess of Enoshima?”
“I think… the Goddess of Enoshima gave us her blessing.”
“Kazuya, what are you…”
“She granted your wish for my complete health, for me not to leave your side through means of death,” Kazuya explained little by little, smiling shyly at how much Jin cared for him.
Jin’s eyes widened fully in surprise, “How…” How had Kazuya found out about his wish when he personally had made sure the younger man didn’t see what was written on the plaque, utilizing their height difference to his advantage. It was impossible.
The two remained completely silent while Jin struggled to digest what Kazuya had just explained to him. Moments later, however, Jin kissed the young man chastely on the lips, “Then we owe a visit to Enoshima to thank her for the blessing… You still wanted to see the tower, didn’t you?”
Kazuya faintly nodded his head. Jin broke out into a bright smile, patting him affectionately on his head, “Let’s visit Enoshima together when you’re out of the hospital.” The younger man nodded in anticipation for their future date.
“Jin?” he whispered uncertainly, facing down at his lap.
“Hmm?” Jin answered distractedly, his fingers combing through the soft strands of Kazuya’s hair. He liked running his fingers through the younger man’s hair, noticing it had a soothing effect him.
“I love you…” Kazuya mumbled embarrassedly, still facing down, unable to meet Jin’s eyes.
The older man stopped his fingers in surprise at the sudden confession before beaming brightly at the younger man. “I love you too,” Jin whispered back into his ear, wrapping his arms around the smaller man’s shoulders.
“I was afraid… I’d never be able to tell you that,” Kazuya admitted nervously. In Jin’s car when he was slowly losing conscious and thought he was finally going to die, his last thought was that he still hadn’t told Jin that he loved him.
“Kazuya…” Jin called his lover’s name affectionately, wrapping his long arms around the younger man’s neck and burying his face into the soft strands of his hair. “Thank you… for staying with me,” he thanked with all his heart, unable to bear even the slightest thought of losing Kazuya forever. “…I love you.”
-End
1A character from the animated movie, 崖の上のポニョ (Gake no Ue no Ponyo), a record-breaking film released through Studio Ghibli.
2“Ganbatte, Jin;” roughly translates to, “Good Luck, Jin.”
3Marinated roast pork thinly sliced, and often used as topping for ramen.
4The expression of gratitude before a meal in regards to the lives of plants and animals sacrificed, the labor put into harvesting the food, the hard work executed to earn money for the food, the effort put into cooking the food, and so forth. The words itself roughly translates to, “I gratefully receive (this food).”
5Bamboo shoots.
6Shinto-shrine archway.
7Written as 五頭龍 (Gozuryu), refers to the five-headed dragon of Enoshima, who the shrine at the Hill of Lovers is erected to.
“Jin…?” Kazuya voiced worriedly.
“Are you… okay?” Jin settled for asking and another flicker sadness passed over the younger man’s feature as he evadingly shifted his gaze to the dashboard, unable to look straight at Jin.
“I’m…” he mumbled softly, biting his lower lip briefly, “I’m undergoing surgery soon.” He actually wasn’t planning to tell Jin about his plans for the surgery, but knew in the bottom of his heart that Jin had the right to know if he was planning on seeing him again. He just didn’t want to worry the older man.
“You’re what?”
“I’ve thought about having heart surgery before… when the doctor first suggested it, but I didn’t have the courage to go through with it when I was younger, until I met you,” he was first told about the possibility of having heart surgery as treatment for his condition when he was in middle school, but having been told that the succession rate was extremely low in Japan, he couldn’t find the courage to go through with it. After all the emotional support his family and Koki had given him and being blessed with many good friends who understood his condition and watched out for him, he was afraid of losing everything he had finally found, of choosing the day that could potentially be his last. His parents had been against the procedure as well, shouting at the doctor for suggesting such a thing to a young boy. But after seeing Jin step back onto the rink for the first time in years even though he wasn’t fully prepared and with what Kazuya was sure many fears and doubts, he had started reconsidering the surgery.
“Is it a dangerous surgery?” Jin asked reluctantly, half not wanting to know the answer. If his parents are letting him do as he likes, it had to be a very dangerous surgery. He couldn’t help but be upset that his parents were allowing him take such a dangerous surgery in the first place.
“The success rate is far below 50% in Japan…”
“Why…” Jin managed to voice in spite of all the turmoil he felt surfacing in his heart. Why now? Why would Kazuya want to risk everything he had? In all honesty, Jin knew perfectly well that he was being selfish because he was afraid of losing the younger man after he had just found him again. The same fear Jin felt when his mother had started skating again, and he knew from the loud arguments she had with his father that she was risking her life.
“I’m afraid of dying…” Kazuya mumbled softly, tears welling in the corner of his eyes. “I’m afraid that if I continue… running away. I don’t… even know when I’m going to die right now. It could be today or tomorrow. If… I have even the slightest chance… Why not take the chance for a normal life?” the warm tears he was holding back flowed down his cheeks. Although Kazuya smiled reassuringly to his parents upon receiving consent for surgery and never allowed his insecurity to show in front of Koki and his friends, in actuality, he was scared. He was really, really scared of receiving surgery, but even more scared of dying, of never seeing his beloved family and friends ever again, of losing Jin. So in spite of all the fears that emerged within him, he wanted to receive the heart surgery if it meant that he will have a longer time to spend with the people he loved. He was afraid that if he didn’t take the surgery and take matters into his own hands, he will always have to be afraid for his health. He didn’t want that burden anymore. He wanted to face his fears and regain his life the way Jin had.
Wordlessly, Jin wrapped his arms around the younger man, holding him tightly as if he would disappear if he let go. Rubbing his hand in circles on the back of Kazuya’s back, Jin whispered words of reassurance, “You’ll be all right,” to him though Jin wasn’t sure who he was reassuring, Kazuya or himself. Slowly Kazuya calmed down, pulling away from Jin to wipe the remnants of his tears with his sleeve and show Jin he was okay now.
Opening the car door and stepping out, Jin forced a small smile at the younger man, who he reconfirmed meant so much to him. Kazuya shyly smiled back, remembering the way Jin always walked him home years back. Impulsively, Kazuya hugged the older man already missing the comforts of his strong arms. “Am I going to be able to see you again?” he mumbled against his chest. Instead of answering the question, Jin withdrew from the small body embracing him before leaning down and pulling Kazuya into several short, sweet kisses. Reluctantly Jin pulled away from the younger man’s lips, ignoring his desire to kiss him more and more, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. Kazuya blushed madly at the kiss he had secretly been wanting, but was too embarrassed to ask for. He buried his burning face against his scarf, and diverted his gaze to their feet.
“Give me your phone.”
Taking his orange cell phone out of his pocket, Kazuya curiously handed his phone to the older man. Jin expertly entered both his name and number into Kazuya’s phone before sending himself a text so that he could register Kazuya’s name into his phone. He handed the phone back to the younger man, grinning accomplishment at finally obtaining Kazuya’s number, “I’ll text you…”
Accepting his phone back, Kazuya nodded happily that Jin wanted to remain in contact with him. Jin opened the car door to the driver’s seat before suddenly stopping and turning around, “Is there, anything you really wanted to do together? I keep taking you where I want to go… I was wondering…”
Pausing to think, Kazuya pursed his lips together in a pout trying to summarize the long list of places he wanted to visit with Jin. “I wanted to go skating?” he asked questioningly, remembering his promise to Jin that he would not skate again. Kazuya honestly didn’t mind seeing the older man skate and him sitting down to watch especially because he loved to watch Jin skate so much. That would be more than enough even though his parents had bought him a new pair of skates that he had yet to wear.
After acknowledging his decision to take the surgery, his parents were still over-protective but they had started letting him live more as he wished. His mother apologized to him, sobbing that as his parents they should have realized earlier that as long as he’s alive, that Kazuya should be able enjoy his life the way he saw fit like any other child. But although there were times that he felt saddened that he was banned from doing things he loved to do, he always appreciated how much his parents cared about him and that still hasn’t changed.
“I’ll take you skating after your surgery is over. I want to skate with you, not alone while you watch,” Jin turned down, smiling kindly as if to ask where else.
Smiling widely in anticipation, Kazuya nodded happily glad that Jin was always able to read him, “Um, I… I want to go to the ocean.”
“In the winter?” Jin confirmed skeptically before releasing a soft sigh. “If it were anyone else, I’d tell them they’re crazy,” he muttered under his breath, making Kazuya laugh nervously wondering if that was good or bad.
“Are you free tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? I think should be…” Kazuya reconfirmed in his mind to be sure, Christmas he was spending with his family at home. But tomorrow his parents were going on a Christmas Eve date together, something he envied his parents for, being so lovey-dovey over twenty years into their marriage.
“ …I have practice tomorrow but you’re welcome to watch, and I’ll take you to the ocean afterwards. If that’s all right with you,” Jin invited embarrassedly, knowing there will be no doubt that he was inviting Kazuya to a date because tomorrow was Christmas Eve, the day for lovers. Kazuya nodded with flushed cheeks, happy that he was going to be able to spend Christmas Eve with Jin.
“I’ll come pick you up in the morning at eight-thirty…” Practice was supposed to start at nine o’clock in the morning in all the way in Shibuya, but knowing the other two and their partying habits, they’ll probably still have a hangover and sleep-in. Maybe he’ll even be the earliest one there for once.
Kamenashi Residence, Christmas Eve
Very early the next morning, Jin arrived at the Kamenashi residence to pick-up Kazuya, who still wasn’t ready to leave because Jin had pulled up fifteen-minutes early which was very unusual for Jin, who always ran late ten to thirty minutes late. Kazuya hurriedly threw his jacket only to rethink his choice on jacket and instead of the soft, furry jacket he had on, wore the black rider’s jacket.
“Kazuya, do you have your keys, cell phone, and wallet?” Kazuya’s mother, Ayako, confirmed, walking out of the kitchen right as Kazuya was about to leave the house. Kazuya patted down his jacket pockets to make sure he had everything he needed.
“Yeah, I have everything,” he reassured with a smile of excitement playing on his lips. Jin hastily bowed at Ayako, who smiled kindly and bowed back, before leading Kazuya to his car and opening the door for him in spite of the protests from the younger man that he wasn’t a girl. Ayako could only smile softly at how lively her son seemed today. She locked the door behind her, humming happily back into the kitchen where her husband was waiting patiently for breakfast to be served.
“Bakanishi! You’re late again!” Ryo shouted the moment Jin walked through the entrance of the Shibuya Stating Arena. Kazuya quietly found himself a seat on an open bench, and watched in amusement at the kicked-puppy expression on Jin’s normally handsome face. Nishikido Ryo apparently had the same harsh tongue off the television camera as on the television camera, which he found amusing.
“I thought you’d be sleeping in with a hangover!” Jin shouted back equally as loud, glaring daggers at his arch-nemesis who shot him, 'Are you stupid?’ faces. He was certainly not the stupid one.
“Did you really think we’d drink that much when we have practice the next morning?” Pi asked rhetorically while stretching his legs out against an open bench. In honest truth, both him and Ryo had only arrived about thirty-minutes ago, assuming Jin would be late again but neither of them were nice enough to let Jin know that he had only made them wait fifteen minutes late instead of the full hour.
“You’re the only one who does that!” Ryo scolded acidly, stretching his arms by crossing them over each other. In spite of hitting Shibuya Excite right after the competition had ended, neither of them had drank more than one alcoholic beverage, settling for virgin drinks after that. Unlike Jin who usually drank all night when he came to the after-party with them, though that was when he wasn’t competing and could care less about having a hangover the next morning.
“Fine, fine… I’m sorry for being late,” Jin grumbled sourly, doing a quick stretch before sitting down on the bench to change to his skates figuring he could work off any knots during warm-ups. Even though Pi and Ryo were still stretching or maybe even stretching again, both were wearing their skates and kindly waiting for him though they would never admit it.
“So… Who’s your senorita?” Pi wondered out loud while waiting, amusement passing through his charming features seeing the flustered look on Jin’s face the moment he referred to the young man as “Senorita.” He wondered if Jin knew how obvious he was being.
“My name is Kamenashi Kazuya…” Kazuya introduced himself with a curt bow, seeing the troubled look on Jin’s face. “I love watching figure skating so Jin let me tag along,” he explained, forcing a smile despite the older man’s inquisitive gaze.
Pi smiled delighted, “My name is Yamashita Tomohisa… You can call me, Pi.” Kazuya hesitantly shook the hand that was offered to him, slightly blushing over the fact that he was shaking hands with the famous skater he had only seen through magazines and television. Pi was more handsome in person, if that was possible, and such a gentleman that it didn’t surprise Kazuya that the older man had so many devoted fans. “And that there is Nishikido Ryo,” he introduced on Jin’s behalf, and Ryo raised his hand in the air as acknowledgement of their special guest.
Unknowingly, even to himself, Jin was grinding his teeth in jealousy over the attention Kazuya was giving his best friend. He had completely forgotten that Kazuya was a fan of Pi’s and that Pi was one of the people he would be practicing with. Jin yanked on his skate laces hard, and hastily finished tying his skate. He immediately stood up to join his practice partners on the ice rink and drag his best friend away from Kazuya.
“Nice catch… He’s pretty cute,” Pi teased with a knowing smile, the moment they were out of Kazuya’s earshot.
Jin glared angrily at the other, “Stay away from him, Pi! He’s mine!” The three of them knew as a fact that Pi was actually bi and dated around with girls and guys alike. He was nowhere as bad as Jin had been in his playboys days, but had weeks where he would go home with different people everyday just because he was in a sour mood. What Jin couldn’t understand was how Pi managed to keep all of his one-night stands as friends when their relationship was over. Pi’s dating habits hadn’t bothered Jin in the slightest before, knowing he was one to talk, but now that Pi was giving his attention to Kazuya, he felt like punching the younger man in the face.
Ryo shook his head disapprovingly, “You both like your men pretty …No wonder you two are best friends.” Ryo personally only had interest in the well-kept older women with mature natural beauty, although his age limit was ten years older at the most when he said older. He couldn’t stand childish girls that acted like a spoiled children, wanting this and that from him, and men were completely out of the question! If there was any bit of curiosity in how guys felt during sex, hearing Pi talk about his escapades were enough to steer him clear of that path.
Kazuya watched dreamily as Jin carved multiple patterns into the ice, interlacing with Pi and Ryo in intricate paths. After landing another clean Axel, Jin skated his way back towards him. “Could you hand me my water bottle?” Jin asked, pointing at the open duffel bag beside Kazuya. Kazuya dug around inside of the bag before finally finding the clear black bottle in question, and handing it to Jin.
“I’m sorry you’re just sitting… Are we boring you?” Jin wondered worriedly, contemplating giving Kazuya money for ice cream at one of the vending machines. Kazuya immediately shook his head from side to side, “No, I love watching… It’s so rare to be able to see a training session on TV, let alone live.”
Jin nodded in understanding, handing the water bottle back to Kazuya and leaning in towards him. “Just don’t watch Pi too much… I’ll get jealous,” he murmured against Kazuya’s ear before skating back to his two best friends. Blushing at Jin’s possessiveness and how he could still feel his breath against his ear, Kazuya sat back down staring at the water bottle in his hands. Kazuya wondered if Jin knew what he did to him when he treated him so protectively.
Barely an hour later, the three figure-skaters returned to the bench area one by one, signaling the end of their practice session which had gone smoothly even though Jin and Ryo had started competing on who could lap the rink faster until Pi started shouting profanities about their level of low-intelligence. Since practice had ended right before lunch time, Pi invited them to go to the all-you-can-eat yakiniku store nearby with him and Ryo. Ryo had started explaining to Kazuya how the horumon in Osaka was the best because the Korean immigrants in Osaka were the ones to introduce the delicacy to Japan, but Jin shot Kazuya an apologetic look and turned down the offer on both of their behalves since they already had other plans.
“Kazuya, could you grab the basket in the back?” Jin asked distractedly, only minutes after starting to drive out of the arena. His thumb pointed behind him at the picnic basket with white lace trimmings, the basket his mother had always used for family outings and was collecting dust in their cabinet.
“Basket?” Kazuya turned around as far as he could with the seat belt restraining him to look for the basket Jin was talking about, finding something that looked similar to a picnic basket sitting on the back seat behind Jin. He attempted to reach back for the basket, but his arm wasn’t nearly as long enough to even touch it. As soon as they stopped at the next signal light, Kazuya quickly took off his seatbelt and leaned back to grab the basket. Just in time because the light turned green, and Jin started driving again looking worriedly at him.
Wondering what Jin could possibly put inside a basket, Kazuya curiously opened the cover to see clear containers with sandwiches packed. “Did you… make them?” Kazuya asked in amazement, taking the said sandwiches out. There was a pack of simple ham sandwiches, but also egg sandwiches and port cutlet sandwiches in other packs.
“I had our maid teach me how to make them,” he laughed nervously, remembering how he had given his poor maid, Yukiko, gray-hair attempting to make the pork cutlets. He had washed his dirty hands after putting breadcrumbs on the pork, but hadn’t dried his hand off before trying to put the pork into the oil. The oil that had started attacking at him because his hands were dripping with water which nearly scared him into knocking the whole pot of boiling oil over. That was only the beginning to their cooking adventure, and they had spent all night and morning making the sandwiches which Jin refused to have her make, insisting to make them himself. He had gotten scolded over practically each and every step, even when cutting with the knife because he was holding it wrong and pointing the blade dangerously against his fingers. Yet, Yukiko helped him without complaint, happy that her young master had finally found a girl that he wanted to go through all this trouble for.
Opening the plastic container, Kazuya happily took out a ham sandwich and devoured the sandwich, even though it had too much hot mustard in it and was extra spicy. Even if the sandwiches weren’t perfect, to him, the cooking Jin had made for him full of love was more delicious than yakiniku or anything else there was to eat in the world. The gesture was even more endearing to him because he knew Jin was not the type to cook. He briefly wondered if he’ll ever have the chance to cook alongside Jin.
“Hmm?” Kazuya wondered, chewing slowly at the odd consistency in his mouth.
“What’s wrong?” Jin asked worriedly, wondering if he should have tasted the sandwiches first. He could’ve sworn he only packed the ones that looked decent enough to eat. He sighed inwardly to himself, maybe Pi was right and him trying to cook was really a health-hazard.
“It’s burnt…” Kazuya ate while laughing, the pork cutlet was crunchier on one side because it was burnt to black crisp. Jin laughed in relief that Kazuya was chuckling, eating an egg salad sandwich which Kazuya had handed to him.
“We’re here…” Jin announced and hour and a half later, turning the engine to his car off. Opening the door excitedly, Kazuya nearly jumped out of the car. Jin heaved a sigh, from the parking lot was a long, long path up to the area that he wanted to take Kazuya. Somehow there was no shortcuts on the small island known as Enoshima despite all the tourism that they get. One way or the other, the walk would be long and he had done much research to ensure he had picked the most easy route up.
Nonetheless, Kazuya seemed perfectly content walking five minutes from the rusted Bronze Torii6 to the road leading to a shopping street where Kazuya tasted the pickles they were selling, ultimately buying one for his parents which Jin was in charge of holding for the younger man. Past the lanes of shops, there was a flashy red building for the Enoshima Escar, where Jin bought tickets off of a vending machine similar to the ones they had at the train stations in Tokyo. Kazuya later learned that Escar was short for escalator, which transported them up the hill without having to take the stairs which Jin worried would tire him out. Bypassing the temples flooding with visitors, Jin led Kazuya towards the second Escar stations, but not before stopping at the gigantic tree with temple ropes tied around the top of the stump. Surrounding the sacred trees were two red racks with many pink wooden-plaques hanging from it. Jin bought one of the said plaques from the priestess which said, “Let the goddess of Enoshima seal your love,” on the front. On the back of the plaque, Jin wrote down their full names and scribbled something else down on the bottom with permanent marker, but he hid plaque from him so he couldn’t see what it was. Grinning in accomplishment, he hung the piece of wood on an empty space on the red rack and clapped his hands together for a brief prayer before taking his hand and leading him to the next set of escalators.
Instead of going to the viewing platform, the Enoshima Tower, which Kazuya was slightly disappointed about, although he immediately cheered up when Jin fleetingly told him he wanted to bring him to the tower at night one day to see the beautiful Christmas illumination they displayed. They took a small side-path and walked up towards the shoreline known as Chigoga Shore, where the shore was made up of rock formations that were the aftermath of the Great Kanto Earthquake, making Kazuya smile to himself on the extensive research Jin had done for their date. Since the shore was natural rock formations and were horribly uneven, there was man-made bridges linking the shore together. At the edge of the shore, plenty of old men were sitting and enjoying shore fishing, while little children were running around behind them peeking into the small pools of water and pointing at the sea life existing beneath.
“I guess I cheated… This isn’t the ocean, it’s a bay,” Jin admitted while staring out into the far waters. Under the sun, the deep water glimmered a dark shade of cobalt blue meeting the light blue skies with small floating clouds.
“It’s okay… It’s just as beautiful,” Kazuya grinned childishly, kneeling down to peek into what looked like a big puddle in the rocks beneath their feet. “Look Jin, there’s a baby lobster!” he pointedly excitedly.
Jin covered his mouth with his hand and muffled his laugh, “Kazuya, I don’t think that’s a lobster… Looks more like shrimp.” After exploring the shore for about an hour, Kazuya had found tiny clams and barnacles in the water and even some on the rocks by their feet and Jin was forced to drag Kazuya away from the Chigoga Shore before the young man jumped into the water to catch them, already having stuck his hand into the water in poor attempt. Tightly gripping the younger man’s hand, they leisurely strolled up the trail to the very top where there was a small enclosed shrine with a bell hanging from the top. When they arrived, there was an older couple standing in the boxed area laughing embarrassedly while reading the commemorative inscription. Kazuya glanced at Jin in confusion, wondering where they were.
“This place is known as the Hill for Lovers. Long ago, there was an evil five-headed dragon living near this bay… The dragon would cause mudslides and make a rain of fire fall upon the town. In order to appease the dragon, the villagers would heartrendingly sacrifice a crying child every year. One day, a heavenly maiden came to on behalf of the suffering villager. The dragon fell in love at first sight with the maiden, and asked her for his bride but the maiden refused to wed such evil who has caused such hardship on innocent people. Through the dragon’s strong will, his promise to the maiden that he will make up for his sins by protecting the village, the two were tied. This small shrine was erected on behalf of the dragon and the maiden… It’s said that lovers that ring the bell here will never be separated,” Jin explained with a proudly smiling at his knowledge. He had found a comic of the legend while researching Enoshima and was determined to bring Kazuya here in hopes that they won’t be separated even after his surgery.
Kazuya felt his face growing warmer, and his hand nervously gripped on Jin’s hand tighter. “Am I… your lover?” he asked uncertainly. Although Koki would always tease him that Jin was his boyfriend, Jin had never clarified the nature of their relationship. He liked to assume that you only kiss those you love, but Kazuya knew that he was naïve about love and relationships especially listening to Koki talk about his girlfriends and what they do behind closed doors.
Seeing the couple in front of them leave, Jin tugged the younger man into the platform and smiled nervously at him, taking a small box out of his pocket and handing it to the younger man. Kazuya reluctantly opened the long box, his eyes widening upon seeing what was inside. It was a beautiful silver bracelet from Tiffany & Co. with an engraving on the lock charm that said eternal love. Carefully taking the bracelet out of the box, Jin fastened the bracelet on Kazuya’s slender wrist.
“Will you have me as your lover?” Jin asked, slightly embarrassed.
Kazuya smiled shyly before leaning in to hug the older man. “If you’ll have me,” he replied happily. Relieved by Kazuya’s answer, Jin held the younger man tightly in his arms before finally letting him go. They both reached up to the rope of the bell and rang the loud clanking bell together with equally bright smiles on their lips in hope for their future. Before leaving, Kazuya noticed that the fence surrounding the bell was covered in locks and hurriedly walked over to the souvenir store to buy a red heart-shaped lock. Scribbling down Akanishi Jin & Kamenashi Kazuya on the top, he wrote his wish that Jin remains happy no matter what may happen to him in the future. Smiling in content at his heartfelt wish, Kazuya secured the lock on the fence and cheerfully walked backed to Jin, taking the hand offered to him.
On their walk back to the parking lot, which was a different path from the one they took up since their the shortcut back was an easy descent and they could easily do without the Escar, they passed a different set of souvenir and specialty stores. Tempted by big plastic ice cream on display, Kazuya decided to buy black-sesame ice cream to eat on the way. Jin, on the other hand, walked into the souvenir shop next door. Licking on his ice cream, Kazuya followed behind, squealing in delight upon finding the cell phone strap with small, colored padlocks like the one he had bought by the bell as a love charm. Jin immediately bought the pair of charms in different colors, Kazuya picking the pink one for himself and the blue one for Jin. Happy with the memorable purchase, Kazuya snatched Jin’s cellular phone and fastened the strap onto the phone without a moment’s delay.
The freeway was extremely congested getting back into Shibuya due to Christmas Eve traffic and Jin kept glancing at the clock on his dashboard, afraid that he wasn’t going to make the closing ceremony in time. He was still stuck at least half an hour away from the Yoyogi stadium, and with the traffic it would take over another hour. Sighing at the hopelessness of the situation, seeing how the car was barely moving a feet every few minute, he glanced over at Kazuya to notice that he was starting to grasp at his chest.
“Kazuya… Are you okay?”
Unable to answer, short of breath, Kazuya unfastened his necklace with his trembling hands, taking out his nitroglycerin pill. Jin swiftly handed the younger man the bottle of water he had in the drink holder from that morning, watching worriedly as Kazuya swallowed the tablet. Kazuya tried taking slow, steady breaths but although the effects of the medicine helped ease his breathing, he still felt slightly suffocated.
“Kazuya?” Jin called in panic, noticing the attack wasn’t going away.
“Jin…” he managed to whisper, his left hand grasping the door which he tiredly leaned against. He struggled to keep conscious, but the frantic call of his name start becoming farther and farther. “Shit,” Jin cursed, anxiously reading the freeway signs to check their current position. Realizing exactly where he was, Jin recklessly cut-off the car in next lane, speeding as quickly as possible into the left-hand lane of the freeway to take the next exit. Slamming the brakes when he exited the freeway to a red light, Jin pulled out his cell phone calling his father. “Damn it, answer!” he cursed, redialing the number.
“Dad! Kazuya… he, my friend, he had an attack. Yes, a heart attack and, he took his nitro, but he was still breathing hard and lost conscious. He still looks pained… and, I’m about five minutes away from the hospital… His pulse?” Jin reached over to check the younger man’s wrist and put two of his fingers against it while pressing the other side of his wrist steady with his thumb. “He has a pulse, but I can barely feel it… Dad, please… He, I’m pulling up right now.” Dropping his phone down onto his lap, Jin hastily curved into the hospital driveway. Changing the gear from drive to park and pulling up the side brake, he opened the door without bothering to turn off his engine and jumped out.
“Jin!” his father rushed outside of the sliding glass entrance. An emergency medical crew was already on stand-by and waiting for him outside where the ambulances usually park. The paramedics rushed over to help Jin carry Kazuya out of the car and lie him down onto the stretcher.
“His pulse is dangerously low!” the paramedic shouted out for the rest of the team, and the team of nurses rushed Kazuya inside the hospital.
Jin grabbed his father by the collar of his dress shirt, shaking him desperately. “Please… Please save Kazuya… I’ll never ask for anything else. Just please…” he continued to cry, crumbling onto the floor. Never having seen Jin in such wreck, Jin’s father, Hitoshi, didn’t know what to do. He regretted for the first time not having spent much time with his son, and not being able to comfort him the way a father should at times of need. Firmly patting his son on the back, Hitoshi helped him stand up and walk into the hospital while sending a nurse from the reception desk to go park Jin’s car in an actual parking stop so the car wasn’t blocking ambulances from entering the hospital. After confirming the nurse leaving, Hitoshi struggled to assist his son into the waiting area of the surgery room. Holding his shoulder and sitting him down on the empty bench, Hitoshi sighed at the state of shock that Jin was in. “Jin… We’ll do our best to save him,” he promised before leaving to prepare for the emergency surgery that was to take place.
Dead silence fell upon the darkening waiting room, and Jin continued to peek up at the surgery sign from time to time, holding his head in his hands. He still felt hazed from the sudden turn of events, and he doesn’t know how long he had been sobbing out loud to himself in the lonely waiting room until the melody of, “Seishun Amigo,” started filling the waiting area. Lifelessly, Jin reached for the cell phone in his pocket.
“Jin, where are you? The closing ceremony is about to start!” Pi shouted frantically on the other side of the phone. He and Ryo had spilt up and ran around the whole stadium looking for Jin, only to realize that his belongings weren’t even in his locker. Jin constantly made a habit of being late, but they knew that even Jin wouldn’t be this late when he knew how crucial the event was.
“Kazuya…” Jin managed to croak, “He, he’s in the hospital. I…” unable to talk any longer, he weakly cut off his cell phone, putting it down beside him.
“Where the hell is he?” Ryo growled angrily, “He’s a medalist! He has to be here, he's obligated!”
“Kame-chan is in the hospital…” Pi mumbled more to himself than Ryo, biting his lower lip trying to think of what he could do to help his best friend, knowing the severity of a medalist missing the closing ceremony. He determinedly ran over to the nearest official to explain the situation, hoping the committee would understand. He personally didn’t care how much he had to beg the officials not to penalize Jin or how much he was scolded for his absence.
Kame-chan, please be okay… for Jin’s sake.
“Kazuya…” Jin wept, wiping the streams of tears running down his face with the sleeve of his jacket. His remaining hand lingering over the cell phone strap that he had bought as a pair with Kazuya only hours ago.
“Kazuya!” Jin lifted his gaze to the source of the voice, Kazuya’s mother was running up to the surgery room, stopping in front of the door out of breath. Sluggishly standing up, Jin bowed apologetically, “I’m…”
Ayako forced a kind smile, her eyes tearing from excruciating sadness. “It’s not your fault… Kazuya, has a weak heart, he always…” she sobbed, covering her face with her hands. Jin bit down on his bottom lip, unable to find words to comfort the woman who he knew felt responsible for the Kazuya’s illness when she had no reason to. Moments later, her husband joined them, having finished parking the car, and Jin bowed at Kazuya’s father before taking a seat again. Kazuya’s parents feebly sat on the opposite bench, and the waiting area had gradually fallen silent once again. Jin clutched onto his cellular phone in between his joined hands, praying that Kazuya will be okay and wake up smiling that gentle smile he loved so much.
“Kazuya… He always talked about you,” Kazuya’s mother said fondly, tears welling in her eyes as she stared at the man of her son’s affection. “You know, he keeps a scrapbook of all of the newspaper articles and magazine interviews featuring you…” Jin could only remain silent, gripping his cell phone even tighter.
“I’ve never seen him so happy as I did this morning when you picked him up… I asked him where you two were going and he said you were taking him to the ocean. Ocean, in the winter… That child,” she laughed softly in affection, “But Kazuya also said… He didn’t care where he went… as long, as you were, the one taking him.” She choked back the tears threatening to overflow again, and her husband hugged her shoulder tightly. “I think… you were the reason, Kazuya started moving forward,” Ayako admitted, as his mother he can tell how special Jin-kun was to her son. She had the vague feeling that he was the reason Kazuya decided to take the surgery, and if they had allowed him to have the procedure sooner, he might not be in the emergency room right now.
One by one, warm tears rolled down his cheeks, and Jin grinded his teeth in frustration at himself at how useless he was. He couldn’t help Kazuya ease his pain, only watch him suffer right in front of his very eyes, the way he did with his mother. Despite his father being a head surgeon at the hospital, Jin never had the intention of following in his footsteps and becoming a doctor. His father never forced him into pursuing the career like other doctors did with their kids, either because with his grades it will take him until his late-forties before he graduated medical school or because he knew Jin was more like his mother and intended on figure-skating for the rest of his life. Jin had never wished he had chosen to become a doctor as much as he did now. Because his father was a heart doctor and his mother always having a weak heart, Jin knew comprehensibly about the symptoms, methods of CPR, medicine, and food intake, but that was all. He couldn’t do anything to alleviate the pain.
Kazuya… Please, stay with me.
“Where… am I?” Kazuya mumbled inarticulately, rubbing his hand against his heavy eyelids. There was a piercing light blinding his field of vision, and could see nothing else but the white light. Fine lines formed in between his fine-brows, his lips pouting together in sheer confusion. Shadows slowly formed far ahead of him, twirling like dances of wind to form a familiar figure.
“Jin?” he cried out frantically. Jin was kneeling on the ground with his back toward him, hands joined in prayer.
I don’t know what I’d do without you… Please.
“Jin!” he tried calling again, but Jin didn’t turn around or move in the slightest towards him. His broad back looked like it was trembling, and Kazuya realized that the older man was crying. He tried to rush to his side, but no matter how much he walked the distance between the two wouldn’t become shorter. Unconsciously, the speed he walked at became faster until he was running towards the older man. Even though the running didn’t tire him, the distance between them increased more and more. Realizing this, Kazuya suddenly stopped afraid that Jin would disappear altogether and leave him all alone. Tears of dejection started forming in his eyes, and he slowly fell onto the ground. He kept wiping his eyes of the tears with his trembling hands, but he couldn’t stop sobbing. “Jin…” he cried again. He felt like there was an invisible barrier between the two of them and all Kazuya knew was that he wanted to be where Jin was, not here, wherever here was.
“You are both rare humans,” gentle laughter rang behind him like tiny bells on a ribbon humming a beautiful tune with the help of the soft, flowing winds.
Kazuya hastily wiped away at his tears before glaring accusingly at the mysterious woman as if it were her fault that he was stuck here, away from his beloved Jin. The enigmatic woman glowed with exquisite beauty that Kazuya had never seen before, even through the television screen. Her complexion was radiant, almost glimmering in light, and her gentle, soft brown eyes were alluring and shone of hidden wisdom, her flawlessly-shaped lips playing an amused, mirthful smile. She was dressed like a princess from ancient Japan right out of a storybook, her white dress with pink wraps flowing elegantly behind her.
“Your pure, unadulterated love for one another… is something Gozuryu7 and myself haven’t seen for at least a hundred years,” she chuckled divinely, seemingly pleased with him.
“Gozuryu?” Kazuya pouted his lips further together, trying to digest the riddle-like words flowing out of the woman’s mouth. The dragon from Enoshima?
“Young man, have you any idea what your lover has wished?” she questioned, tilting her head slightly, patiently waiting for an answer.
“Jin…” Kazuya pondered to himself what Jin might have written on the pink plaque he hid from him almost embarrassedly. Something sappy? “Um… for our love to be everlasting?” he guessed uncertainly. Despite the fact that Jin could read him like an open book at times, he could never do the same. He never knew what the older man was thinking.
“No… Your lover wished for your health in hopes that you will never leave his side through the means of death,” she revealed, her smile widening at the disappointment that shone in the young man for guessing wrong. “His unwavering faith in his love for you and his strong will to conquer any future problems that may arise in your relationship together has taken my fancy.”
“Love is a free will… No matter however you may pray, even the Gods are unable to change the love humans feel for one another. I cannot grant eternal love for that very reason,” she explained, ignoring the existence of very, very rare cases of woman praying for the one-sided love to bloom having granted their wish. These rare cases were not within her powers, but the fruit of the confidence the women gained through wishing.
“But your lover believes in the strength of your love for one another and believes that the only obstacle that stands between you two is your incomplete health.”
Diverting his teary gaze to the thick fog developing over his feet, Kazuya fisted his hands so strongly they were beginning to feel numb. He felt so helpless over the fact that he was constantly worrying and burdening Jin with the presence of his chronic illness.
“My husband, on the other hand, has taken a liking for your chastity for your lover, and your selfless wish for his happiness in case you may not be at his side after your upcoming surgery,” she had watched over infinite amounts of men and women visit her shrine, including humans cursed with many types of illnesses. Mostly all of their wishes were for their lovers never to forget them, knowing their selfish wish will burden their loved ones for the rest of their life. She knew how hard the thought of being forgotten by their loved ones was to a human, having read the inner turmoil in their hearts. Her husband had been surprised by Kamenashi Kazuya’s sincere and heartfelt wish for his lover’s happiness no matter how hard it may be on himself, watching over him from above after his death.
“The love you feel for one another seems to have no end to its depth,” she announced with pleasure, “Granted, there is no guarantee in eternal love…”
“We don’t need a guarantee, I believe in Jin…” Kazuya assured confidently. One day in the far future, even if Jin had betrayed his trust, he would never stop believing in Jin or regret his strong love for the older man, “And I have no second-thoughts about my feelings.”
The mysterious maiden smiled heavenly in approval, and the light surrounding Kazuya became brighter and brighter. So bright that nothing could be seen, not even himself.
Suddenly the red-light of the surgery room flickered off, signaling the end of the emergency operation taking place inside. Nervously standing up from his seat, Jin waited long-suffering in front of the operation room door. His heart beat against his chest so hard, it hurt. Slowly the mechanical door slid open, and his father stepped out of the operation room with a stern eyes.
“Jin…” he unfastened the top of his mask so that it fell around his neck, “Kazuya-kun’s condition has been stabilized. There is no longer a threat to his life, but he will be placed in ICU until further notice, just as a precaution.”
All the nerves in his body loosened immediately, almost making Jin fall to the ground in relief. Jin hugged his father tightly, holding back the tears forming in his eyes, “Thank you…” Hitoshi stiffened in the rare show of affection from his son, but nodded understandingly. Patting his son strongly on the back, Hitoshi walked over to the couple he assumed were Kazuya-kun’s parents, to brief them of their son’s current state. Jin bowed respectfully to Kazuya’s parents from the side before scrambling to the ICU unit, guided by the nurse, who kindly led him straight to where Kazuya was.
Smiling tiredly in affection at Kazuya, Jin sat himself down on the pipe chair the nurse had retrieved for him and placed next to the bed. Reaching lovingly for the younger man, Jin gently caressed his cheeks taking relief in the warmth that was there. Approximately ten minutes later, after signing all the necessary paperwork for Kazuya’s hospitalization, his parents were led personally by Dr. Akanishi to the ICU unit to check on their son. Quietly walking over to Kazuya’s bed, all three parents couldn’t help but smile at the sight before them. Dead tired from all the excitement of the evening, Jin had fallen asleep against the bed with his head resting on his crossed arms while snuggling against Kazuya’s shoulder. Ayako sent a warm smile to her husband, and the couple softly left the hospital room to retrieve Kazuya’s belongings for when he regained conscious, trusting that Jin-kun would take care of their precious son during their absence.
“Ugh,” opening his heavy eyelids, Kazuya blinked several times before his eyes adjusted to the sunlight. His arms both too tired to move to his face and rub on his eyes. Staring up at the completely white ceiling, he hazily wondered where he was. Turning his head slowly to the left, Kazuya examined his surrounding to figure out where he could possibly be. The moment his eyes fell upon Jin, who was sleeping comfortably against his side, he realized he was currently in the hospital. Forcing his dull arm to move little at a time, Kazuya rested his hand on Jin’s head, threading his slender fingers through his soft hair petting the man he loved.
“Hmm…?” the older man groaned sleepily, forcing his tired eyes to open, squeezing them back shut to avoid the sunlight, and groaning again. Little by little, his conscious awakened and he was suddenly aware of the hand gently caressing his hair. He darted up his head in surprise, “Kazuya!”
“J…in,” the younger man articulated with all of his might, his voice still raspy.
“Hold on, let me call the nurses,” Jin said, hastily making his way out of the unit.
Extremely lonely at the sudden loss of warmth, Kazuya wished his lover would return quickly, but a doctor walked into the room instead of Jin. The doctor seemed to be a man in his early forties, but Kazuya felt that he was attractive for an older man. He couldn’t put his finger on the feeling, but the older man, despite his stern countenance, had a natural charm to his features.
“How are you feeling?” the doctor asked abruptly, small smile forming on his lips while he gently opened the front his hospital gown to examine his heartbeat with the stethoscope. Kazuya almost shivered, goose bumps forming on his skin at the sensation of the cold piece of metal touching his chest.
“Dull…” Kazuya answered uncomfortably. He had never been particularly good with doctors, having to deal with them as much as he did throughout his lifetime.
“You’ll have to remain in the hospital for a couple of more days before we can release you, but it seems you’re able to leave the ICU unit today,” the doctor informed, setting his carte back to the plastic envelope on his bedpost.
Kazuya nodded silently, and the doctor turned around to leave the room but suddenly stopped in his tracks, “Kazuya-kun… Thank you. Thank you for living.” Not having a clue to why he was being thanked when he clearly should be the one thanking him for saving his life, Kazuya opened his mouth to ask when the door opened loudly.
Jin hastily stepped back into the room, wincing apologetically at the noise he made. “Dad, where’s my car keys? The head nurse said she gave it to you!” he glared accusingly at his father, who had just sent him on a wild goose chase to go and retrieve his car keys.
“It’s your punishment for leaving the car parked in front of the emergency room entrance. You can walk home tonight,” the man answered indifferently although the corners of his lips twitched with the desire to laugh upon seeing the priceless look on Jin’s face.
“What?” Jin nearly screamed the moment his father suggested that he walk home tonight. Even by train the hospital was so far from his house that it would take hours! “You’re the one who dragged me inside the hospital before I parked my car!” he huffed, hoping his father would change his mind and simply return his keys.
“You were the one on the ground sobbing, ‘Kazuya,’” he bluntly pointed out, earning a death glare from his son. Hitoshi chuckled silently in his mind, remembering that he hadn’t seen that look on Jin’s face since he was still in middle school. He realized that his expression hadn’t changed at all since Jin was still a little boy.
“Dad~!” Jin whined childishly, cheeks flushed from the embarrassing revelation. He shot Kazuya a worried glance, wondering if he heard what was said before glaring even harder at his evil father. “My car!” he demanded, almost as if to hide his embarrassment.
“We can talk about the car over lunch tomorrow…” Hitoshi abruptly finalized, his son can either walk home via train or wait for him to finish working tonight and hitch a ride back home with him. Jin was most likely planning to spend his whole day at the hospital with Kazuya-kun anyways.
“Lunch?” Jin verified while struggling to mask the excitement in his voice at the prospect of having lunch with his father, not having seen him in so long. “If you break your promise, I get my car back and double allowance,” he huffed childishly, although Kazuya could make out the wide grin playing on his lips even from his bed. Hitoshi concealed the smile threatening to surface, and offered his pinky to Jin. It was the way he exchanged promises to Jin from the time he was still in pre-school. Jin’s pinky met his father’s and the father and son pinky promised to their lunch on the following day before Hitoshi walked completely out of the ICU unit.
“Is he your father?” Kazuya questioned the moment Jin arrived back at his side. Jin nodded his head with a proud smile playing on his lips. Kazuya realized at once why he felt attraction to the older man. He faintly reminded him of Jin. He smiled softly, piecing together the reason the doctor that had saved his life had thanked him, but Kazuya felt that Jin’s father had the situation all wrong. He was the one needing to thank him, not only for saving his life and subsequently allowing him to remain at Jin’s side, but for having a son like Jin because Kazuya couldn’t begin to fathom where he would be today without him. Relishing each other’s presence, the couple remained silent, smiling dotingly at each other until one of the nurses came to change Kazuya’s IV fluid.
“… The goddess of Enoshima was the heavenly maiden from the Gozuryu legend,” Kazuya suddenly said, remembering his dream which he vaguely had a feeling was not entirely his fantasy.
“The goddess?” Jin furrowed his brows in confusion. After several minutes of hard and rigorous thinking because Kazuya was starting to pout cutely at him out of displeasure for not understanding him, Jin realized Kazuya was talking about the goddess that he had made his wish to. He briefly remembered reading something about the goddess of Enoshima on the front of the pink plaque although only vaguely. “What about the goddess of Enoshima?”
“I think… the Goddess of Enoshima gave us her blessing.”
“Kazuya, what are you…”
“She granted your wish for my complete health, for me not to leave your side through means of death,” Kazuya explained little by little, smiling shyly at how much Jin cared for him.
Jin’s eyes widened fully in surprise, “How…” How had Kazuya found out about his wish when he personally had made sure the younger man didn’t see what was written on the plaque, utilizing their height difference to his advantage. It was impossible.
The two remained completely silent while Jin struggled to digest what Kazuya had just explained to him. Moments later, however, Jin kissed the young man chastely on the lips, “Then we owe a visit to Enoshima to thank her for the blessing… You still wanted to see the tower, didn’t you?”
Kazuya faintly nodded his head. Jin broke out into a bright smile, patting him affectionately on his head, “Let’s visit Enoshima together when you’re out of the hospital.” The younger man nodded in anticipation for their future date.
“Jin?” he whispered uncertainly, facing down at his lap.
“Hmm?” Jin answered distractedly, his fingers combing through the soft strands of Kazuya’s hair. He liked running his fingers through the younger man’s hair, noticing it had a soothing effect him.
“I love you…” Kazuya mumbled embarrassedly, still facing down, unable to meet Jin’s eyes.
The older man stopped his fingers in surprise at the sudden confession before beaming brightly at the younger man. “I love you too,” Jin whispered back into his ear, wrapping his arms around the smaller man’s shoulders.
“I was afraid… I’d never be able to tell you that,” Kazuya admitted nervously. In Jin’s car when he was slowly losing conscious and thought he was finally going to die, his last thought was that he still hadn’t told Jin that he loved him.
“Kazuya…” Jin called his lover’s name affectionately, wrapping his long arms around the younger man’s neck and burying his face into the soft strands of his hair. “Thank you… for staying with me,” he thanked with all his heart, unable to bear even the slightest thought of losing Kazuya forever. “…I love you.”
-End
1A character from the animated movie, 崖の上のポニョ (Gake no Ue no Ponyo), a record-breaking film released through Studio Ghibli.
2“Ganbatte, Jin;” roughly translates to, “Good Luck, Jin.”
3Marinated roast pork thinly sliced, and often used as topping for ramen.
4The expression of gratitude before a meal in regards to the lives of plants and animals sacrificed, the labor put into harvesting the food, the hard work executed to earn money for the food, the effort put into cooking the food, and so forth. The words itself roughly translates to, “I gratefully receive (this food).”
5Bamboo shoots.
6Shinto-shrine archway.
7Written as 五頭龍 (Gozuryu), refers to the five-headed dragon of Enoshima, who the shrine at the Hill of Lovers is erected to.