New Year?
Well, I guess it's a new year (Year of the Rabbit, actually) and it's time for new beginnings and weird things like that. Sadly, I'm probably going to be doing the same old thing over and over again anyway. School, work, sleep, rinse, repeat. I may actually die of overwork. But I don't think that's the point.
Is this year going to be better than the last? What am I supposed to accomplish? I think I'm stuck in a strange sort of stasis, in which moving forward is like standing still and you just have to wait until the end, because there's nothing else to do. Maybe I'm not so much dying as fragmenting. Dissolving? Does that mean one day I'll crystallize? Perhaps.
As for my Perfect Vision of Loveliness... well, I saw him. He was in my class today, hiding out in the back, like me. Except he probably wasn't hiding because he failed the prof's last course... <.< Well, I looked up and right and he looked up and left, and we saw eachother. And he gave me this look like he was asking a question with his eyes: Was it you? I tried to smile, but I was so startled and terrified that I don't know if it worked. But now, his looks weren't as side-long as they were before, more obvious. As if he can't figure me out, but he's trying his damnedest. He's trying to find his Peripheral Lover, I suppose. Well, here I am. I don't suppose he realizes that I find it completely impossible to talk to him. It figures that my Fight/Flight responses would be messed up like this. No, this girl(boy?girl?boy/girl?) fights the dangerous things and runs away from the things that won't hurt her. So what am I supposed to do? I don't know. I really have no clue, but I want to do it. Whatever it is.
I guess I'm just completely hopeless, aren't I?
Is this year going to be better than the last? What am I supposed to accomplish? I think I'm stuck in a strange sort of stasis, in which moving forward is like standing still and you just have to wait until the end, because there's nothing else to do. Maybe I'm not so much dying as fragmenting. Dissolving? Does that mean one day I'll crystallize? Perhaps.
As for my Perfect Vision of Loveliness... well, I saw him. He was in my class today, hiding out in the back, like me. Except he probably wasn't hiding because he failed the prof's last course... <.< Well, I looked up and right and he looked up and left, and we saw eachother. And he gave me this look like he was asking a question with his eyes: Was it you? I tried to smile, but I was so startled and terrified that I don't know if it worked. But now, his looks weren't as side-long as they were before, more obvious. As if he can't figure me out, but he's trying his damnedest. He's trying to find his Peripheral Lover, I suppose. Well, here I am. I don't suppose he realizes that I find it completely impossible to talk to him. It figures that my Fight/Flight responses would be messed up like this. No, this girl(boy?girl?boy/girl?) fights the dangerous things and runs away from the things that won't hurt her. So what am I supposed to do? I don't know. I really have no clue, but I want to do it. Whatever it is.
I guess I'm just completely hopeless, aren't I?